- Mitchell: Hey George, you wanna watch The Real Hustle?
- [Mitchel turns on the TV]
- George: Oh I'd really like that, Mitchell. Women, you think you're such authorities, like the way you deal with emotions is the only way.
- Mitchell: It's not on.
- George: Uh yeah it is, at like 10:30.
- Mitchell: No, they've moved it.
- George: What, no, you're kidding me. No, I was looking forward to that.
- Mitchell: 10:30, Thursday, that's Real Hustle time. A fucking child knows that.
- George: Could I not just have one good thing in my life?
- Mitchell: It just drives me insane when they move stuff around.
- Mitchell: Don't I deserve it? Don't I deserve one bloody crumb of happiness?
- Mitchell: This is so... what, we're supposed to check? Every week? Like we don't have anything else to do? Is it our responsibility? I mean, why is it down to us to...
- George: I saw a preview, they were going to do a call about cash points.
- Mitchell: Really?
- [George nods]
- Mitchell: I would've loved that. You bastards!
- [Mitchell throws the remote across the living room and storms off into the kitchen while George sobs on the couch. Mitchell returns wearing a pair of Marigolds]
- Mitchell: Here, I'll do the washing up! Is everyone happy now!
- George: We've been having a house meeting.
- Mitchell: Been having a house meeting? Why wasn't I invited?
- Annie: Well, if you were ever here then we would've invited you.
- Mitchell: Hang on a minute...
- George: We decided you're not pulling your weight around this place.
- Mitchell: What's that supposed to mean?
- George: You don't buy any food, you'd never hoover... I don't even think you know what a pair of marigolds are.
- Mitchell: I don't do marigolds.
- George: Oh, and I do?
- Annie: O-okay, d-do you know what? I think that we've all just lost sight of each other a bit. We need to team build; we need to bond.
- George: But I'm not going to paintball, not again, not after last time.
- Annie: We need to talk, so... George, you start.
- George: [to Mitchell] Are you okay?
- Mitchell: I've been better. You?
- George: Likewise.
- Mitchell: We should go out one night and just get hammered.
- George: Yeah, that's a good idea.
- Annie: [obviously annoyed] ... That's it? That's how you share?
- George: What more is there to say?
- Mitchell: Yeah, he's feeling a bit down, which is... pretty understandable, and I'm kinda stressed. We don't need to turn this into an episode of Oprah.
- George: Exactly. File under "Have Discussed."
- Annie: Ok, do you know what? I think that we've all just lost sight of each other a bit. We need to team build we need to bond.
- George: I'm not going paintballing, not again, not after last time.
- Annie: We need to talk, so... George you start.
- George: Are you ok.
- Mitchell: I've been better. You?
- George: Likewise.
- Mitchell: We should go out one night and just get hammered.
- George: Yeah that's a good idea.
- Annie: [obviously annoyed] ... That's it? That's how you share?
- George: What more is there to say?
- Mitchell: Yeah, he's just feeling a bit down, which is pretty understandable, and I'm kinda stressed, we don't need to turn this into an episode of Oprah.
- George: About a year ago she just turns around and tells me that I'm just too conventional for her. That I lack imagination and passion.
- Hugh: Women. They just don't appreciate solid, stable, reliable men.
- Hugh: She even hated the way I wash up. You know, just because I like to dry, all right? And put everything away, and not leave it dripping on the rack.
- George: Oh, oh! So she'd prefer lime scale on the draining board?
- Hugh: Oh, I guess it could go with the coffee rings on the table.
- George: Coasters! You just put one under the mug. It's not rocket science.
- Mitchell: [to a group of younger vampires] My name is John Mitchell, and I've killed more people than you've met.
- Mitchell: What happened to Balfour?
- Chief Constable Wilson: Suicide?
- Mitchell: You expect me to believe that?
- Chief Constable Wilson: I expect you to be grateful that, once again, I've cleared up your shit! The attack in the shopping center... How did you know about those girls?
- Mitchell: How did we know what?
- Chief Constable Wilson: Kelly Bracewell, on probation for assault. Sumitra Clarke, she's got form for theft and intimidation. Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm pleased you're choosing your targets a little wiser, but do me a favor, will you, next time? Find somewhere a little less public and well lit.
- Mitchell: Hang on a second. You think we targeted them?
- Chief Constable Wilson: All I'm saying is... stick with repeat offenders and it's a win-win.
- Annie: We can turn this around.
- George: How?
- Annie: Well, she just needs a new experience so awful that she realises Hugh really is the one for her; so, your mission is to become her boyfriend but to be absolutely crap at it.
- George: Well, I can't do that.
- Annie: But of course you can. Look what a fuck-up you made of your last relationship.
- Mitchell: You know why I'm here, Chief Constable.
- Chief Constable Wilson: I assume you're the new Herrick.
- Mitchell: Okay, so firstly, no. I'm not the new Herrick. This... I'm not even standing here. This is just... I'm a representative.
- Chief Constable Wilson: So. Represent.
- Chief Constable Wilson: You boys have access to money, don't you?
- Mitchell: Well. We made a couple of good investments in the eighteen hundreds.
- George: You've put the system back in place, haven't you?
- Mitchell: It's the only way to control them.
- George: Right. So killing's okay again now, is it?
- Mitchell: This is just the short term.
- George: And the long term?
- Mitchell: I'm gonna help them get off blood. It's the only way, George! I can do this. I can persuade them.
- George: Oh, so this is before or after you walk on water?
- Daisy: Some of us chose this life, but for most of us it was forced on them. And now here you are, putting restrictions on a lifestyle they didn't even want.
- Catholic Priest: [In 1665] Your teeth will be smashed from your skull, as a warning to other devils. And your head will be removed from your body...
- [checks the back of the scroll]
- Catholic Priest: No, that's it actually. Proceed!