Jesse Tyler Ferguson credited as playing...
Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker: [holding up two pairs of clown shoes] Okay, gun to your head, which pair should I wear?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Oh, gun to my head? I'd say... pull the trigger.
- Claire Dunphy: So, where is she? Where's Mom?
- Jay Pritchett: Yeah, let's get the weirdness over with.
- Mitchell Pritchett: I thought she was coming with you.
- Claire Dunphy: Oh, no, no. I haven't seen Mom since, let's see... oh, she made out with my ex-boyfriend last night.
- Jay Pritchett: What?
- Claire Dunphy: Yeah.
- Mitchell Pritchett: No, my God!
- Claire Dunphy: Yeah, yeah. And then she took off with him, didn't come back to the house until after I was asleep. And then this morning, left a cute little note that said 'Having breakfast with Robbie'.
- Jay Pritchett: What the hell is she doing? He's half her age.
- [Mitchell and Claire stare at him and Gloria]
- Jay Pritchett: Don't say it.
- Mitchell Pritchett: [Claire starts to yell at Dede at the party] Claire, Claire! Not now. Not now. Not now. No, stop please!
- Claire Dunphy: She accused me of trying to steal my old boyfriend from her!
- Mitchell Pritchett: ... okay fine, but make it quick.
- Mitchell Pritchett: [about Claire's old boyfriend Robbie] You know, I never liked that guy. He used to always put me in a headlock. It is amazing the freaks we used to date.
- Cameron Tucker: [comes in wearing a jester costume] Ello, Guv'nor!
- Mitchell Pritchett: God, look at this place. Everybody's traumatized. We need somebody to pump some life back into this party.
- Cameron Tucker: I got this. I'll go in and turn on some music, bring out the cupcakes, pump up the bubble machine.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Or...
- Cameron Tucker: Is that a roundabout way of saying a certain clown can come to the party?
- Mitchell Pritchett: I was wrong. Every kid wants a clown for a dad.
- Cameron Tucker: [Chirpy] Ih! You just made a little girl very happy!
- Mitchell Pritchett: Yes, well I can see that.
- Cameron Tucker: I don't know. I think the whole idea of needing a prince to come along and make you happy sends the wrong message, Mitchell, I really do.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Really? And a grown man pulling boxers out of his mouth doesn't?