Fred Tatasciore credited as playing...
Damon Baird • Locust Drone • Locust Boomer • Thrashball Player #1
- Damon Baird: [to Sam, who just saved him from falling] Uh... I suppose you want me to say I've always loved you.
- Sam Byrne: [struggling to hang onto him] Ugh!
- Damon Baird: But I don't. I really, *really* don't!
- Clayton Carmine: [discovering that the cable car to the Centennial Bridge is gone] Well... *Shit.*
- Augustus Cole: Uh, anyone afraid-a heights?
- [Lambent stalks start growing behind them, blocking their way back]
- Damon Baird: [quickly weighs his options] Uhh - not anymore. Love heights! Love 'em. *F - *in' love 'em.
- Sam Byrne: [passing everyone hooks for ziplining] Come on! The line still reaches the bridge!
- Augustus Cole: And that's our stop, so let's do this - !
- [starts ziplining, brings out pistol]
- Augustus Cole: WHOO!
- Augustus Cole: [as the scene transitions to gameplay] *Whoo-hoo-hoo!* I think I jus' invented a new sport, *bitches!*
- Damon Baird: [yelling at him from the other cable; somehow sarcastically] Getting your ass shot off while dangling from a cable? Yeah, yeah, that'll catch on quick! The "*Ass*-Off Championships"!
- Anya Stroud: [when the Lambent Zerker shows up] Lambent Berserker!
- Augustus Cole: [seeing the monster] God - *DAMN*, you a ugly bitch!
- Marcus Fenix: [to Baird via comms] *Baird, where's the damn Hammer?*
- Damon Baird: It's firing...
- [Beat]
- Damon Baird: *NOW!*
- Dominic Santiago: [over comms; as the Hammer's laser activates] Marcus! *Run!*
- Marcus Fenix: *RUN!* Everybody - get to the fort!
- Augustus Cole: [coming across a playground turntable; laughing] Hey, Baird, why don't you hop on an' I give you a push?
- Damon Baird: Uhhhhhhh, yeah, you know what? No thanks.
- Damon Baird: [shoving the Ticker storage crate over the edge, spilling its contents on the Lambent Leviathan] YO! Bombs away!... 'n' all that shit.
- Damon Baird: [checking out the Locusts' new Multiturret] Hmm... Creative assholes, arent they? Looks like they're building turrets out of old Lancers. "A" for effort.
- Sam Byrne: Everyone's salvaging stuff, even the bloody grubs.
- Damon Baird: Yeah, those things could stop a truck. So long as the recoil didn't dislocate your shoulder.
- Damon Baird: [approaching the Stranded barricade on Centennial Bridge; pointing to his forehead] Am I the only one who can feel the crosshairs just about here?
- Sam Byrne: Hey - I saw movement. Top of the barricade. Stay sharp.
- [a pause, then...]
- Augustus Cole: ...Helloooo? Anyone home? Knock, knock! We just passin' through. We just need a hand gettin' to our *SHIT!*
- [That last part was because the Locust at the barricade had started firing on them. The squad takes cover]
- Augustus Cole: Huh. So much for diplomacy!
- Damon Baird: Yeah, what else do you expect from these Stranded shits? Let's get this over with.
- Sam Byrne: [aims her LongShot; pauses] Hey - those aren't Stranded. They're Locust!
- Damon Baird: [after Sam shoots a Locust Drone] Oh, *great!* Look who's back in town!
- Augustus Cole: Well, we *did* flood 'em out their tunnels.
- Damon Baird: [over radio to Marcus, as the Lambent Leviathan begins to enter an explosion state; with sarcasm] Hey, I thought you'd enjoy the witty irony of Grub-on-Glowie violence!
- Marcus Fenix: [running away from the glowing Leviathan; yelling] Yeah, it's f - in' hilarious! *YOU'RE GONNA BLOW UP THE WHOLE SHIP, GENIUS!*
- Marcus Fenix: All right, people, let's find 'em. I need Prescott alive.
- Damon Baird: [still in disbelief] All this going on, and we're worried about *Prescott?*
- Dominic Santiago: Prescott knows where Marcus's dad is.
- Damon Baird: [startled] Whoa... Well, that's gonna be one ugly can of worms.
- Marcus Fenix: Save your strength, Baird. I'm gonna need you to recover a message for me.
- Damon Baird: Hey, I make intelligent use of free resources! That's how come we're still alive to bitch about it!
- Damon Baird: [when Dom complains about Corpsers] Well, you see, that's 'cause humans are hard-wired to react to things that scuttle and... okay, I'll shut up now.
- Augustus Cole: [inside the Corpser lair; seeing a newly-hatched Corpser] Ah, so *that's* where Corpsers come from.
- Damon Baird: [in a false sing-song voice] When a mommy Corpser and a daddy Corpser love each other very much...
- Augustus Cole: Whoa, stay back, Baird! It'll think the first thing it sees is its mother!
- Marcus Fenix: [completely unamused] Why don't you two guys shut the *f - * up before we wake its mother?
- [instead, they accidentally get the hatchling's attention, causing it to scream]
- Dominic Santiago: Well, there goes that idea!
- [They kill the hatchling, but it's already too late - a loud roar echoes throughout the lair]
- Marcus Fenix: Ah, *shit* - *we woke mom!*
- Dominic Santiago: And she woke the family! Those damn eggs are hatching!
- Marcus Fenix: C'mon, kill 'em and get out of here!
- Augustus Cole: [after Anya mentions Prescott over the radio] I heard "Prescott". Tell me that's jus' my old head injury?
- Damon Baird: [in disbelief] *Prescott?*
- Marcus Fenix: What, do we have an echo here or something? Yeah, Prescott's back, Michaelson's dead, and my father's alive. Film at eleven.
- Damon Baird: [finding a large tree with cages hang from it; noticing the corpses inside] Uh, what's in those cages?
- Marcus Fenix: [flatly] It's a "Keep Out" sign.
- [Beat]
- Augustus Cole: ...Well, it almos' worked!
- [friendly fire]
- Dominic Santiago: Maybe you should take point.
- Dominic Santiago: [indignantly] Hey!
- Damon Baird: Cease fire, asshole!
- Damon Baird: Hey, check your aim! Idiot...
- Augustus Cole: Same team!
- Anya Stroud: Check your aim!
- Sam Byrne: Hey, *d - *wad! *Open your eyes!*
- Dominic Santiago: [moving through the Locust trench system] Anyone know where we are?
- Damon Baird: Uh... In the shit. Up to here.
- [puts his hand above his head]
- Damon Baird: [while killing Corpser hatchlings in the Corpser lair] Uh... Isn't it bad luck to kill spiders or something?
- Augustus Cole: They ain't spiders! It's bad luck if we *don't* kill 'em!
- Marcus Fenix: [as his squad lures the Lambent Leviathan to the front of the Sovereign, below the Cenntenial Bridge] Cole, you've got one pissed Leviathan in position. You ready?
- Augustus Cole: [as *his* squad fights their way to the Ticker crate above the Leviathan; with more Savage Locust appearing behind them] Yo, give us a minute!
- Marcus Fenix: [frusturated] Ah, tell Baird he's just blowing shit up, not writing a *goddamn symphony!*
- Damon Baird: [with Cole only; offended] You know what - tell *him* I'm being a genius as fast as I can!
- Augustus Cole: [to Marcus] Yeah, but we got our own problems up here!
- [Cole's squad finally manages to fend off the remaining Locust]
- Marcus Fenix: Cole, you're gonna be scrapin' us up in a bucket if you don't get a move on!
- Augustus Cole: Find some cover fast, or your ass gonna be swimmin' in some glowie gravy!
- Dominic Santiago: [debating whether to use the trenches to reach their objective] Looks like we're gonna have to cut throught the trenches. Unless anyone prefers a suicide run across open ground.
- Damon Baird: I vote we sneak around and avoid getting shot in the ass for a change!
- Augustus Cole: Hell, yeah, I second that!
- Marcus Fenix: Carried. Unanimously.