Joel McHale credited as playing...
Jeff Winger
- Joshua: I guess that's what I get for trusting some black guy.
- Troy Barnes: [laughs at first then becomes shocked] WHAT?
- Joshua: When you found the trampoline I thought the only way to protect it was to let you use it. Guess it goes to prove what I already knew: non whites ruin everything!
- Troy Barnes: [shocked, high-pitched voice] Oh, my God. Joshua was racist? That came out of nowhere.
- Jeff Winger: Did it?
- Joshua: [flashbacks] A place free from darkness. And some are just natural jumpers. It's going to be a maze.
- [referring to the large swastika tattooed on his chest]
- Troy Barnes: Maybe I just didn't wanna believe it.
- Jeff Winger: Maybe that's the lesson here. Purity that demands exclusion isn't real purity. Maybe paradise is a lie.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Not exactly. Paradise exists. Right here.
- [appears to place his hand over his heart, but actually his breast pocket which conceal his pain pills]
- Jeff Winger: Let me buy you some ice cream. My white guilt is doing somersaults.
- Troy Barnes: ...worth it.
- Annie Edison: We'll take them down. We'll take all these bitches down.
- Jeff Winger: Ladies, are you okay? Take it easy.
- Britta Perry: Um, did you just tell us what to do? Here's the thing, it's a little rule. Maybe you're not familiar with it. Nobody tells me what to do, ever.
- Jeff Winger: Whoa, whoa cowboy. I surrender.
- Britta Perry: Abed, did you hear that?
- Abed Nadir: Jeff's a bitch too?
- Britta Perry: Yes.
- Shirley Bennett: Take him down.
- Abed Nadir: Cool. Hey, Jeff, what's with the boots? 2008 called to tell you that even in 2008, those were tacky.
- Shirley Bennett: You go, girl.
- Ben Chang: Damn.
- [Jeff rises and closes doors to the study leaving Chang out]
- Jeff Winger: Why don't we just all take a deep breath and find some center?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Okay, that is it. What are you hiding from me? They're keeping relaxation secrets. Tell me how to get laid back or I'll kill your families!
- Jeff Winger: Stop it!
- [Jeff throws a basketball at Pierce's drone, misses and hits the table where the women are sitting]
- Annie Edison: [women scream and look in horror at Jeff] Knuckle walkers!
- Jeff Winger: Sorry, it was an accident.
- Britta Perry: So was the Y chromosome, but you don't see us throwing stuff at it.
- [Troy chuckles derisively]
- Jeff Winger: Where are you guys going?
- Britta Perry: Away from your symbolically invasive balls to a women's studies class.
- Pierce Hawthorne: What? What's up with you guys? Why are you acting like that?
- Jeff Winger: Like what?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Ah! Gay boots. Lady boots. Heh, heh, heh. He's a gay wad.
- Troy Barnes: Are those as comfortable as they look?
- Jeff Winger: They're like wearing a pair of dreams. I'm sure your shoes are fine, though.
- Troy Barnes: You know what? They are.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Something's up with you two. I wanna know what it is. Are you on weed? Give me some, I'll smoke you two under the table.