Emma Watson credited as playing...
- Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?
- Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.
- Sam: You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.
- Sam: So, I'm guessing you've never been high before.
- Charlie: No. No, no, no. My best friend, Michael, his dad was a big drinker, so he hated all that stuff. Parties too.
- Sam: Well, where is Michael tonight?
- Charlie: Oh, he shot himself last May. I kinda wish he'd left a note. You know what I mean?
- Charlie: My Aunt Helen has said I should be a writer, but I don't know what I'd write about.
- Sam: You could write about us.
- Patrick: Yeah! Call it 'Slut and the Falcon'. Make us solve crimes.
- Sam: You can't just sit there and put everybody's life ahead of yours and think that count as love.
- Sam: How do you feel, Charlie?
- Charlie: I just really want a milkshake.
- Sam: Charlie, I know that you know I like Craig. But I want to forget about that for a minute, okay?
- Charlie: Okay.
- Sam: I just want to make sure that the first person who kisses you loves you. Okay?
- Sam: [Charlie is silent, transfixed. Sam gives a watery chuckle and moves closer to Charlie. They kiss, starting slow and becoming deeper. Sam pulls away after a dizzying moment or two] I love you, Charlie.
- Charlie: I love you, too.
- Charlie: So, you're not scared of me?
- Sam: No.
- Charlie: So, can we be friends again?
- Sam: Of course!
- [She hugs him]
- Sam: C'mon. Lets go be psychos together!
- Charlie: Sam, do you think if people knew how crazy you really were, no one would ever talk to you?
- Sam: All the time.
- Sam: Welcome to the island of misfit toys.
- [Patrick holds his report card]
- Patrick: C minus, ladies and gentlemen! I am below average!
- Sam: Below average!
- Patrick: Below average!
- Sam: Oh my God! They're playing good music.
- Patrick: Holy shit. Holy shit. They are, they're playing good music!
- Sam: Patrick?
- Patrick: Yeah?
- Sam: Who's this?
- Patrick: This is...
- Charlie: Charlie... Kelmeckis.
- Patrick: Kelmeckis! No shit! Your sister's dating Ponytail Derek, isn't she?
- Charlie: Is that what they call him?
- Sam: Would you leave Ponytail Derek alone? You put the ass in class, Patrick.
- Patrick: I try. Sam, I try.
- Sam: It's nice to meet you, Charlie. I'm Sam.
- Charlie: Are you having a good time?
- Sam: Not really, how about you?
- Charlie: I don't know. It's my first date, I don't have much to compare it to.
- Charlie: I think The Smiths are my favorite.
- Sam: Are you kidding? I *love* The Smiths! Best break up band ever. What's your favorite song?
- Charlie: "Asleep".
- Charlie: My aunt had the same thing done to her too, and she turned her life around.
- Sam: She must have been great.
- Charlie: She was my favorite person in the world. Until now.
- Charlie: You got me a present?
- Sam: After all your help on my Penn State application? Of course I did. Open it!
- [Charlie opens it to see a typewriter]
- Charlie: I don't know what to say.
- Sam: You don't have to say anything.
- Patrick: Hey, Sam.
- Sam: Question. Could the bathrooms here be anymore disgusting?
- Patrick: Yes, they call it the men's room.
- Sam: So, I finally got a hold of Bob.
- Patrick: Party tonight?
- Sam: He's still trying to shag that waitress from the Olive Garden.
- Patrick: Ugh, he's never tossing that salad.
