Martin Freeman credited as playing...
Dr. John Watson
- Sherlock Holmes: I need to get some air - we're going out tonight.
- Dr John Watson: Actually, I've, uh, got a date.
- Sherlock Holmes: What?
- Dr John Watson: It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun?
- Sherlock Holmes: That's what *I* was suggesting.
- Dr John Watson: No, it wasn't. At least I hope not.
- Dr John Watson: It's been painted over.
- [pause]
- Dr John Watson: I don't understand. It... it was... here. Ten minutes ago. I saw it. A whole lot of graffiti.
- Sherlock Holmes: Somebody doesn't want me to see it.
- [he grabs Watson's head]
- Dr John Watson: Hey. Sherlock, what are you...
- Sherlock Holmes: Shh! John, concentrate. I need you to concentrate. Close your eyes.
- Dr John Watson: No. What? Why? Why? What are you doing?
- Sherlock Holmes: I need you to maximize your visual memory. Try to picture what you saw. Can you picture it?
- Dr John Watson: Yeah.
- Sherlock Holmes: Can you remember it?
- Dr John Watson: Yes, definitely.
- Sherlock Holmes: Can you remember the pattern?
- Dr John Watson: Yes!
- Sherlock Holmes: How much can you remember it?
- Dr John Watson: Well, don't worry.
- Sherlock Holmes: Because the average human memory on visual matters is only 62 percent accurate.
- Dr John Watson: Yeah, well, don't worry, I remember all of it.
- Sherlock Holmes: Really?
- Dr John Watson: Yeah, well, at least I would if I can get to my pockets. I took a photograph.
- Dr John Watson: Is that my computer?
- Sherlock Holmes: Of course.
- Dr John Watson: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: Mine was in the bedroom.
- Dr John Watson: What? And you couldn't be bothered to get up?
- [pause as he realizes something]
- Dr John Watson: It's password-protected.
- Sherlock Holmes: In a manner of speaking. Took me less than a minute to guess yours, not exactly Fort Knox.
- Dr John Watson: Where are we headed?
- Sherlock Holmes: I need to ask some advice.
- Dr John Watson: What? Sorry?
- Sherlock Holmes: You heard me perfectly. I'm not saying it again.
- Dr John Watson: No, I'm Sherlock Holmes and I always work alone because no one else can compete with my massive intellect!
- Sherlock Holmes: So, you're doing well. You've been abroad a lot.
- Seb Wilkes: Well... some.
- Sherlock Holmes: Flying all the way around the world twice in a month.
- Seb Wilkes: [laughs] Right. You're doing that thing.
- [to John]
- Seb Wilkes: We were at uni together, and this guy here had a trick he used to do.
- Sherlock Holmes: It's not a trick.
- Seb Wilkes: He could look at you and tell your whole life story.
- Dr John Watson: Yes, I've seen him do it.
- Seb Wilkes: Put the wind up everybody, we hated it. We'd come down to breakfast in the formal hall and this freak would know you'd been shagging the previous night.
- Sherlock Holmes: I simply observed.
- Seb Wilkes: Go on, enlighten me. Two trips a month, flying all the way around the world, you're quite right. How could you tell? Are you going to tell me there was a, um, stain on my tie from some special kind of ketchup you can only buy in Manhatten?
- Sherlock Holmes: No, I...
- Seb Wilkes: Or it was the mud on my shoes?
- Sherlock Holmes: I was just chatting with your secretary outside. She told me.
- Sherlock Holmes: You took your time.
- Dr John Watson: Yeah, I didn't get the shopping.
- Sherlock Holmes: What? Why not?
- Dr John Watson: Because I had a row in the shop with a chip and PIN machine.
- Sherlock Holmes: You... You had a row with a machine?
- Dr John Watson: Sort of. It sat there and I shouted abuse.
- Dr John Watson: Two trips around the world this month. You didn't ask his secretary, you said that just to irritate him. How did you know?
- Sherlock Holmes: Did you see his watch?
- Dr John Watson: His watch?
- Sherlock Holmes: The time was right, but the date was wrong. Said two days ago. Crossed the date line twice but he didn't alter it.
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- Dr John Watson: Can you maybe keep your voice down?
- Dr John Watson: Hi, I have, uh, two tickets reserved for tonight.
- Ticket Seller: And what's the name?
- Dr John Watson: Uh, Holmes.
- Ticket Seller: Actually, I have three in that name.
- Dr John Watson: No, I don't think so. We only booked two.
- Sherlock Holmes: [from off screen] Then I phoned back and got one for myself as well.
- Sherlock Holmes: You've been a while.
- Dr John Watson: Yeah, well, you know how it is. Custody sergeants don't really like to be hurried, do they? Just formalities. Fingerprints, charge sheet, and I've got to be in magistrates' court on Tuesday.
- Sherlock Holmes: What?
- Dr John Watson: *Me*, Sherlock! In court, on Tuesday! They're giving me an ASBO!
- Sherlock Holmes: Good, fine.
- Dr John Watson: You wanna tell your little pal he's welcome to go and own up any time.
- Sherlock Holmes: [as John enters the room] I said, could you pass me a pen?
- Dr John Watson: What? When?
- Sherlock Holmes: About an hour ago.
- Dr John Watson: Didn't notice I'd gone out, then?
- Sherlock Holmes: Those symbols at the bank, the graffiti, why were they put there?
- Dr John Watson: It was some sort of code?
- Sherlock Holmes: Obviously. Why were they painted? Want to communicate, why not use e-mail?
- Dr John Watson: Well, maybe he wasn't answering.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, good, you follow.
- Dr John Watson: No.
- Sherlock Holmes: Look at the case. There was something tightly packed inside it.
- Dr John Watson: Thanks, I'll... take your word for it.
- Sherlock Holmes: Problem?
- Dr John Watson: Yeah, I'm not desperate to root around some bloke's dirty underwear.
- Dr John Watson: A hairpin for nine million pounds?
- Sherlock Holmes: Apparently.
- Dr John Watson: Why so much?
- Sherlock Holmes: Depends who owned it.