Mark Addy: Robert Baratheon

The Kingsroad

Robert Baratheon

[Robert, Ned, and their escorts rest during the journey to King's Landing]
Robert Baratheon: Gods, this is country! I've half a mind to leave them all behind and keep going.
Eddard Stark: I've half a mind to go with you.
Robert Baratheon: What do you say, just you and me on the Kingsroad, swords at our sides, a couple of tavern wenches to warm our beds tonight.
Eddard Stark: You should have asked me 20 years ago.
Robert Baratheon: Heh. There were wars to fight, women to marry. We never had the chance to be young.
Eddard Stark: I recall a few chances.
Robert Baratheon: [sharing a laugh] There was that one... oh, what was her name? That common girl of yours? Becca? With the great big tits you bury your face in.
Eddard Stark: Bessie. She was one of yours.
Robert Baratheon: Bessie! Thank the gods for Bessie and her tits. Yours was, uh... Aleena? No. You told me once. Uh, Meryl? Your bastard's mother.
Eddard Stark: Wylla.
Robert Baratheon: That's it. She must have been a rare wench to make Lord Eddard Stark forget his honor. You never told me what she looked like.
Eddard Stark: Nor will I.
Robert Baratheon: We were at war. None of us knew if we were gonna go back home again. You're too hard on yourself. You always have been. I swear if I weren't your king, you'd have hit me already.
Eddard Stark: The worst thing about your coronation, I'll never get to hit you again.
Robert Baratheon: Trust me, that's not the worst thing.

Robert Baratheon: There was a rider in the night.
[Eddard takes a parchment note]
Eddard Stark: Daenerys Targaryen has wed some Dothraki horselord. What of it? Should we send her a wedding gift?
Robert Baratheon: A knife perhaps, a good sharp one, and a bold man to wield it.
Eddard Stark: She's little more than a child.
Robert Baratheon: Oh, soon enough that child will spread her legs and start breeding.
Eddard Stark: Tell me we're not speaking of this.
Robert Baratheon: Oh, it's unspeakable to you? What her father did to your family, that was unspeakable. What Rhaegar Targaryen did to your sister, the woman I loved. I'll kill every Targaryen I get my hands on.
Eddard Stark: But you can't get your hands on this one, can you?
Robert Baratheon: This Khal Drogo, it's said he has 100,000 men in his horde.
Eddard Stark: Even a million Dothraki are no threat to the realm, as long as they remain on the other side of the Narrow Sea. They have no ships, Robert.
Robert Baratheon: There are still those in the Seven Kingdoms who call me usurper. If the Targaryen boy crosses with a Dothraki horde at his back, the scum will join him.
Eddard Stark: He will not cross. And if by chance he does, we'll throw him back into the sea.
Robert Baratheon: There's a war coming, Ned. I don't know when, I don't know who we'll be fighting, but it's coming.

Robert Baratheon: Now, child... tell me what happened. Tell it to all and tell it true. It's a great crime to lie to a king.
Sansa Stark: I don't know. I don't remember. Everything happened so fast. I didn't see.
[Arya grabs Sansa by the hair]
Arya Stark: Liar! Liar, liar, liar!
Eddard Stark: Hey, stop it! That's enough of that.
Arya Stark: Liar, liar, liar!
[Ned pulls his daughters apart]
Eddard Stark: Stop! Arya!
Cersei Lannister: She's as wild as that animal of hers. I want her punished.
Robert Baratheon: What would you have me do, whip her through the streets? Damn it, children fight. It's over.

[Arya is falsely accused of an unprovoked attack on Joffrey]
Robert Baratheon: Ned, see to it that your daughter is disciplined. I'll do the same with my son.
Eddard Stark: Gladly, Your Grace.
Cersei Lannister: And what of the direwolf? What of the beast that savaged your son?
Robert Baratheon: I'd forgot the damned wolf.
Jaime Lannister: We found no trace of the direwolf, Your Grace.
Robert Baratheon: No? So be it.
Cersei Lannister: We have another wolf.
Robert Baratheon: As you will.
Eddard Stark: You can't mean it.
Robert Baratheon: A direwolf's no pet. Get her a dog. She'll be happier for it.
Sansa Stark: He doesn't mean Lady, does he? No, no, not Lady! Lady didn't bite anyone! She's good!
Arya Stark: Lady wasn't there! You leave her alone!
Sansa Stark: [to Ned] Stop them. Don't let them do it. Please, please, it wasn't Lady!
Eddard Stark: [to Robert] Is this your command, Your Grace?
[Robert leaves without answering]
Cersei Lannister: Where is the beast?
Jaime Lannister: Chained up outside, Your Grace.
Cersei Lannister: Ser Ilyn, do me the honor.
Eddard Stark: No. Jory... take the girls to their rooms. If it must be done, then I'll do it myself.
Cersei Lannister: Is this some trick?
Eddard Stark: The wolf is of the North. She deserves better than a butcher.

Eddard Stark: What is the meaning of this? Why was my daughter not brought to me at once?
Cersei Lannister: How dare you speak to your king in that manner?
Robert Baratheon: Quiet, woman. Sorry, Ned. I never meant to frighten the girl. But we need to get this business done quickly.
Cersei Lannister: Your girl and that butcher's boy attacked my son. That animal of hers nearly tore his arm off.
Arya Stark: That's not true! She just... bit him a little. He was hurting Mycah.
Cersei Lannister: Joff told us what happened. You and that boy beat him with clubs while you set your wolf on him.
Arya Stark: That's not what happened!
Joffrey Baratheon: Yes, it is! They all attacked me and she threw my sword in the river.
Arya Stark: Liar!
Joffrey Baratheon: Shut up!
Robert Baratheon: Enough! He tells me one thing, she tells me another. Seven hells! What am I to make of this?