Daniel Radcliffe: Weird Al

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

Weird Al

Weird Al: I'm living the dream! To have 20,000 people every night singing MY words... to someone else's music... I feel truly alive on that stage.

Weird Al: So, would you like to see the rest of the house?
Madonna: There's only one room I'm interested in seeing.
Weird Al: Oh, I'm doing some work on the bathroom. But there's another one downstairs.
Madonna: Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.
Weird Al: Then let me show you to the laundry room.
Madonna: Al Yankovic, are you playing with me?
Weird Al: Yes?

Weird Al: You're all just a bunch of normals. I am the Weird one! I am the weird one!

Weird Al: You don't think things are moving too fast with us, do you?
Madonna: Baby, don't be silly. We're soul mates. This is true love. When you know, you know.
Weird Al: You're so right. This has been the happiest six hours of my life.

Weird Al: [over phone, referring to Nick] What does he want to tell me?
Mary: Well, mostly he just wants you to know that he's definitely not proud of you.
Weird Al: What?
Mary: Yes. He told me to be crystal clear about that. Also, he still thinks that parody songs are stupid. And I don't have to tell you about how he feels about the accordion, do I?

Dr. Demento: I think Madonna's a bad influence on you. I think she's an evil, conniving succubus, and she's only using you for her pathetic and selfish needs.
Weird Al: What?
Dr. Demento: [to Madonna] No offense.

Madonna: Have you heard my new single "like a virgin"?
Weird Al: Oh, I've heard it. And I'm curious, is that song... autobiographical?
Madonna: Yes. I technically am a virgin, except for the fact that I've had a lot of sex.

Steve: [as Al is about to go on stage at the bar] The new song's a bonafide hit.
Weird Al: It's about ice cream!
Bermuda: Everybody likes ice cream.
Weird Al: This seems like more a whiskey and heroin crowd.

[inspired by The Knack's song "My Sharona" while looking at a stack of bologna, Al gets an idea for a new parody song]
Weird Al: M-M-M-My bologna... M-M-M-My bologna...

Tony Scotti: I thought you should hear it from me first. Michael Jackson just released a new single called "Beat It." It's... um... well, it's a parody of Eat it.
Weird Al: You mean the kid from the Jackson Five? Why is that has-been trying to ride my coattails?
Tony Scotti: He actually has a pretty successful solo career now.
Weird Al: Whatever! You're telling me Michael Jackson recorded a parody of my song?
Tony Scotti: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Same music, different words.
Weird Al: What kind of sick freak changes the words to someone else's song? Beat It, huh? Wait, so it's about eggs?
Tony Scotti: No, no, it's... uh, I don't think it's even about food. It's about fighting? Or trying to avoid a fight? I'm not exactly sure.
Weird Al: What gives him the right? Can he even do this?
Tony Scotti: I think you're overreacting just a little, OK? I mean, this could be great publicity. Sell a few more albums...
Weird Al: No, I don't need to sell more albums, Tony! I need people to start taking me seriously that creates original music. Now some idiots will probably get confused and think Beat It came first!
Tony Scotti: Nobody's gonna think that.

Madonna: You just killed Pablo Escobar!
Weird Al: I know! I've killed so many people this week! Before last Thursday, I never really killed anyone.

John Deacon: We're playing a little gig next week called Live Aid. I'd be honored if you'd join the band and play that song on stage with us. What do you say?
Weird Al: Hard pass!

Madonna: So it's true what they're saying? You're not doing parodies anymore?
Weird Al: My song Eat It which, as you know, is a hundred percent original, is the biggest hit by anybody ever. So, I've decided that's all I want to do from now on. Completely original songs.