Hugh Laurie credited as playing...
Dr. Gregory House
- Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. Problem is Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
- Dr. James Wilson: And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
- Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy cares about her, which means when Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. Then, as a boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.
- Dr. James Wilson: Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
- Dr. Gregory House: "Play date" being their code for "way to weed out the paste sandwiches." They'll hand her puzzles and counting games and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces.
- Dr. James Wilson: [House gets a hint and walks away] Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker.
- Dr. Gregory House: Thanks for the advice.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Why are you putting hot sauce on a toy?
- Dr. Gregory House: Maybe you don't care if children chew on your caterpillar. I think it's wrong.
- Dr. Gregory House: Cath him, and see what's stopping him from emptying his bilge. Oh, not you, Chase. Sending Captain Micropenis to deal with what's probably normal-sized equipment? That's too cruel even for me.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well done, Chase. Now turn off your phone.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You heard that? It's on vibrate.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm assuming it's been ringing almost non-stop since you changed your status update to, "Nothing lights my fire like a lady-of-size. Less than three bills, don't bother calling." Followed by your cell number.
- Dr. Gregory House: She seems so dumb. But when the pressure was on, she knew what had to be done and she did it.