Melissa Barrera credited as playing...
Sam Carpenter
- Sam Carpenter: [after stabbing Detective Bailey] My father was a murderer, and I'm better than that. But you did fuck with our family, so...
- [stabs him in the eye killing him instantly]
- Sam Carpenter: I'm gonna need this.
- [plunges a knife out of Kirby's stomach]
- Kirby Reed: Fuck him up!
- Ethan Landry: What are you going to do about it, bitch?
- [Sam starts stabbing Ethan]
- Sam Carpenter: What happens next? What, after you're done with us, what, you just disappear?
- Detective Bailey: No, we gotta hurry over to the hospital and make sure Mindy and Gale don't pull through, because EVERYBODY DIES, SAM! Everyone who had anything to do with the death of my son! SUFFERS AND DIES! Now, put on the mask.
- Sam Carpenter: [about Richie] He was... he was so pathetic.
- Detective Bailey: [gets offended] That's not true!
- Sam Carpenter: Yeah, your son. He was a man-baby, who made his girlfriend do all the killing.
- Detective Bailey: He was a strong, feral young man!
- Sam Carpenter: He was a limp dick little f-ck, who cried, before I slit his throat.
- Gale Weathers: [Running up to the group] Hey! You okay? I came as soon as I heard.
- Sam Carpenter: [Annoyed] Gale, I swear to God!
- Gale Weathers: No! Truce, okay? I'm here for whatever you need.
- Sam Carpenter: Okay, nice try.
- Gale Weathers: Really, I am. Fine, off the record, okay?
- Sam Carpenter: [Relenting] Okay. Thank you.
- Tara Carpenter: [to Gale] Um... sorry I punched you.
- Gale Weathers: No, you're not.
- Tara Carpenter: I'm not.
- [smiles]
- Gale Weathers: [to Detective Bailey] You're the cop, right?
- [He nods]
- Gale Weathers: I did some digging on your first two victims and I found something. I know where the masks are coming from.
- Detective Bailey: Show me.
- Kirby Reed: [Approaching the group] Ladies.
- Gale Weathers: Kirby?
- Kirby Reed: Gale!
- Sam Carpenter: She's with the FBI
- Gale Weathers: She's a child. When did they start letting children into the FBI?
- Kirby Reed: I'm 30.
- Gale Weathers: Well, you look like a zygote.
- Kirby Reed: I have a gun, Gale.
- Gale Weathers: Fine. You're gonna want to see this, too.
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Okay, nerds. Listen up. As terrifying as this all is, I'm actually glad I get a chance to redeem myself for not... calling the killers last time. Yep. It's fine. Okay. The way I see it, Someone is out to make a sequel to the requel.
- Anika Kayoko: [Raising her hand] Um... what's a requel?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: You're beautiful, sweetie. Let's hold questions till the end.
- Sam Carpenter: Stab 1 took place in Woodsboro. Stab 2 took place in college.
- Tara Carpenter: So, do we think that the killer is trying to copy the movies?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: That is one possibility. Heroes now in college: check. Suspicious new characters brought in to round out the suspect list and or body count: check, check, and check.
- Ethan Landry: I don't like this.
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: It can't just be about Stab 2.
- Tara Carpenter: Why not?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: It would make sense if this were just a sequel. But we're not in a sequel because nobody just makes sequels anymore. We're in a franchise and there are certain rules to a continuing franchise.
- Sam Carpenter: I had a feeling.
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Rule number one: Everything is bigger than last time. Bigger budget, bigger cast, bigger body count, longer chases, shootouts, beheadings. You gotta top what came before to keep people coming back.
- Chad Meeks-Martin: Beheadings?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Beheadings. Rule two: Whatever happened last time, expect the opposite. Franchises only survive by subverting expectations. If the killers last time were whiny, snowflake film nerds with letterboxed accounts instead of personalities, you can bet the opposite will be true here. And rule three: No one is safe. Legacy characters? Cannon fodder at this point, usually brought back only to be killed off in some cheap bid for nostalgia. It's not looking too good for Gale and Kirby. Oh, and that's not even the worse part.
- Chad Meeks-Martin: Oh, this is the part where she tells us the worst part.
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: The worst part is franchises are just continuing episodic installments designed to boost an IP, which means main characters are expendable now, too. Laurie Strode. Nancy Thompson. Ellen Ripley. Sally Hardesty. Jigsaw. Tony Stark. James Bond. I mean, even Luke Skywalker all died so their franchises would live on. That means it's not just the friend group. Any of us could go at any time... especially Sam and Tara.
- Ethan Landry: Wait, wait. Any of us?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Yeah.
- Ethan Landry: This. Am...? Am I in the friend group?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Yeah.
- Ethan Landry: Am I like one of the targets? Am I gonna die a virgin?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: That was a weird overshare. But it brings us to our current suspects. Ethan. The shy, dorky guy, who no one suspects because he's so shy and dorky.
- Ethan Landry: Okay, wait. Why am I on the suspect list? Because I'm, randomly, Chad's roommate?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Roommate lotteries can be juked. You could've fixed it to get next to us. Quinn. The slutty roommate, a horror movie... classic.
- Quinn Bailey: Sex Positive, but... thank you?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Mm-hmm. Um, how did you come to live with Sam and Tara?
- Quinn Bailey: I answered their add online.
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Okay. Say no more, you already implicated yourself enough!
- Tara Carpenter: It was an anonymous ad, Mindy. And you know we've vetted her. Plus, her Dad is a cop.
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: And that makes it more likely that she's the killer because having a cop Dad is a great cover. Do you not remember how these movies work, Tara?
- Quinn Bailey: [to Sam] She always like this?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: And, finally... Anika.
- [They blow kisses to each other]
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: Never trust the love interest.
- Sam Carpenter: Okay. So, we have our rules and we have our suspects.
- Ethan Landry: Wait, wait, wait. What about you guys?
- Mindy Meeks-Martin: I mean, it's pretty safe to rule out the four of us, who went through this last year in Woodsboro.
- Chad Meeks-Martin: Agreed.
- Quinn Bailey: Um... Not agreed. What if the trauma you all went through caused one or more of you to snap?
- Ethan Landry: Yeah, and the fame you got from the killings made you thirsty for more. I mean, let's be honest here. Some of the theories online about Sam are...
- Tara Carpenter: [Interrupting Ethan] Don't you fucking dare!
- Anika Kayoko: Okay, she's right, though. I mean, face facts. If we're all suspects, you're all suspects.