Owen Wilson credited as playing...
Arnold Albertson
- Arnold Albertson: Nobody can tell you where your place is, where is my place? Where is anybody's place? You wanna know where it is? Wherever you're happy, that's where your place is. And you're the best judge of that. In central park for instance some people like to feed the nuts to the squirrels but if it makes someone happy to feed squirrels to the nuts, who am I to say nuts to the squirrels?
- Margie: Squirrels to the nuts! Oh, are you okay? I cannot believe I'm running into you Derek!
- Arnold Albertson: Shhh!
- Margie: No, I'm not going to be quiet! It's Margie, remember? From Chicago? I've looked everywhere for you! You don't understand, you've changed my life! I went to fashion school, and I'm the executive buyer here.
- Arnold Albertson: Shut up!
- Margie: Besides that, you gave me the single best night I ever had in bed and out. And it's all because of you and the squirrels and the nuts!
- Hotel Bellboy: Where'd you fly in from?
- Arnold Albertson: Los Angeles.
- Hotel Bellboy: L.A. I always wanted to go there.
- Arnold Albertson: A lot of pretty girls. Of course, there are a lot of pretty girls everywhere. That's one of the nice things about the world.
- Isabella Patterson: Whoa! You know, you are the most detailed kind of lover!
- Arnold Albertson: Detailed?
- Isabella Patterson: Yeah. Like - that was amazing!
- Arnold Albertson: I really like you.
- Elizabeth: How do I find you?
- Arnold Albertson: I feel like I've been asking myself the same question the last 40 years. And I still don't know.
- Miriam Pendergast: I agree with Delta and Seth. I mean, she had something really, really special. She reminds me of the girl that I fell in love with in kindergarten.
- Arnold Albertson: Was she a hooker?
- Miriam Pendergast: Yeah, she was a kindergarten hooker.
- Arnold Albertson: That sounds like a progressive school.
- Arnold Albertson: Just stay out of it!
- Seth Gilbert: You're the lunatic, chasing dames with a wife like this.
- Delta Simmons: It seems all men like chasing dames, Seth.
- Arnold Albertson: What the hell is going on here?
- Jane Claremont: I'll tell you what's going on here. You hired that hooker because she turns good tricks. Well, would you like some good tricks? 'Cause I got a bag full of them. Who wants to go first? I've got tricks on all of you!