Amber Tamblyn credited as playing...
Martha M. Masters
- Martha Masters: He's obviously a... very blessed specimen. So from an evolutionary point of view, he'd produce healthy offspring. So my pre-frontal cortex is telling me, I should have sex with him.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, is that all?
- Martha Masters: Yes, my rational brain knows he's a hillbilly and an idiot.
- Dr. Chris Taub: And yet somehow, your rational brain is losing the argument. Which is interesting.
- Carnell: House...
- Dr. Gregory House: I like you, Carnell.
- [phone rings]
- Dr. Gregory House: Don't ruin it.
- [picks up a phone]
- Dr. Gregory House: Stinky feet, could point to diabetes, athlete's foot or gangrene. Pick one.
- Carnell: No!
- Dr. Chris Taub: Uh, none. None of those cause bloody sputum or disappearing masses.
- Carnell: No, no, no! No! You are going to kill her.
- Dr. Gregory House: Don't do that Carnell. They might get the idea that I'm shooting at a hooker. Fungal infection causes ulceration between the toes. Bleeding can be from recurring abscesses that appear to be recurring masses.
- Martha Masters: Symptoms in the head or feet mean the infection would have to be in the heart or the brain.
- Dr. Chris Taub: I say we start by looking in the heart because looking at his brain with a metal plate is problematic.
- Dr. Robert Chase: So is MRI-ing his heart. He's got a seven centimeter conductive metal rod holding his rib together.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: It'll rip him in two.
- Dr. Gregory House: No, it'll just feel like it's ripping him in two, which is much better.
- Dr. Chris Taub: We could minimize the damage by injecting ice-water into his abdominal cavity.
- Carnell: No! Please, no!
- [House shoots an arrow and Carnell finds an arrow sticking Sarah's body, bleeding]
- Carnell: Oh, God!
- Dr. Gregory House: Opps. Got to go.
- Carnell: Call an ambulance!
- Dr. Gregory House: Why?
- Carnell: What do you mean, why! She's hurt!
- Dr. Gregory House: She doesn't look hurt.
- [Sarah starts laughing]
- Carnell: No, you didn't.
- Dr. Gregory House: Yes, we did.
- Carnell: [Sarah shows the trick] You're an ass.
- Dr. Gregory House: Okay, go get me General Patton's Colt .45. The one with two notches.
- Martha Masters: It wasn't *that* ridiculous a theory.
- Dr. Gregory House: Great theory. It's a ridiculous test. You can't give a standard balance test to a champion bull rider. If you're gonna test Superman's strength, you need a bigger bar bell. Find one, make him lift it. Then call me and tell me how high it got... And tell Cuddy spying is for cowards.
- [Ends the call]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Just keep me posted.
- Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: I will.
- Martha Masters: Wait. I understand the booze and hookers, but why vicodin?
- Dr. Robert Chase: [Everyone stares at Masters] Wow. You *really* don't have any friends in here, do you?