Will Ferrell credited as playing...
Deangelo Vickers
- Deangelo Vickers: Let's go downstairs, okay? Let's do it.
- Dwight Schrute: Pass. If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.
- Deangelo Vickers: Damn it, Dwight! Enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!
- Dwight Schrute: Okay. A little about me... I respond to strong leadership.
- Deangelo Vickers: Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina.
- Deangelo Vickers: So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are coming, and they're coming fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it. Alright? I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at five. Change number one: Darryl. Per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride, deal with it.
- Darryl Philbin: Seriously?
- Deangelo Vickers: Stone cold seriously!
- [Talking head]
- Deangelo Vickers: They are trying to figure me out and I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.
- [Back to conference room]
- Deangelo Vickers: Change two: Toby, you're getting a new chair.
- Toby Flenderson: Thanks.
- Deangelo Vickers: Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy. Okay? And I don't care if you like them.
- Oscar Martinez: These sound like good ideas. Why wouldn't we like them?
- Deangelo Vickers: I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions?
- Kevin Malone: This all sounds great to me. But I can see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think.
- Deangelo Vickers: That is a stu... an astute observation, Kevin.
- [talking head]
- Deangelo Vickers: Kev's got me pegged.
- Deangelo Vickers: You know, I have a cousin who cracked the formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So, I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.
- Dwight Schrute: Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last.
- Deangelo Vickers: You know what... Straight up, why don't you like me?
- Dwight Schrute: I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?
- Deangelo Vickers: Oh, no.
- Dwight Schrute: What?
- Deangelo Vickers: Okay? I'm going to win you over.
- Dwight Schrute: No, you're not.
- Deangelo Vickers: Yes, I am.
- Dwight Schrute: No.
- Deangelo Vickers: Oh, yes!
- Dwight Schrute: No.
- Deangelo Vickers: Yes!
- Dwight Schrute: No!
- Deangelo Vickers: Yes!
- Dwight Schrute: No!
- Deangelo Vickers: Yes!
- Dwight Schrute: No!
- Deangelo Vickers: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
- [as Deangelo repeatedly yells yes in a fast manner, he runs out the break room]
- Deangelo Vickers: There he is! Got you coffee.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, wow! Thank you. That was so kind of you.
- [Dwight puts his coffee in the trash bin]
- Deangelo Vickers: Not a coffee guy, I take it, huh?
- Dwight Schrute: It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.
- Deangelo Vickers: Listen. I've got a sixer. Automatic for the People on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown, come on. Pick up some sausage if you want.
- Dwight Schrute: [Dwight points to Oscar] I think you'll find what you're looking for over there.
- Deangelo Vickers: [Talking head] No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.
- Deangelo Vickers: Dwight. What's your take?
- Dwight Schrute: What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.
- Deangelo Vickers: Man, you're smart!
- Deangelo Vickers: [deleted scene] Hey, there he is!
- Dwight Schrute: Here I am.
- Deangelo Vickers: Hey, while I have you here, my brother scored some major Los Lobos tickets in AC. We're gonna party bus together. Heading down over this weekend. You interested?
- Dwight Schrute: Can I drive the bus?
- Deangelo Vickers: Probably not.
- Dwight Schrute: No, thank you.
- [talking head]
- Dwight Schrute: Deangelo is a fine manager. I give him a B. The only reason it's not a B plus is he makes my skin crawl. Don't know why, just the quality, I guess.
- Deangelo Vickers: [deleted scene] If there are any complaints, you can direct them to the garbage. Specifically, my garbage.
- Deangelo Vickers: [Deleted scene] Pinball machine, going to the break room! It will be quarter-less. You will not have to put quarters in it 'cause I don't want to hear any bitching and moaning that I didn't bring enough quarters to work to play pinball. Okay? You just reset it 'cause I don't want to hear about it!
- Jim Halpert: [deleted scene; looking at resume from Andy Bernard] Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled administrative and assistant. Sorry, Bernard Andrews.
- Deangelo Vickers: Yeah. Sorry, guy.