Jake Gyllenhaal credited as playing...
Brian Taylor
- [first lines]
- Brian Taylor: I am the police, and I'm here to arrest you. You've broken the law. I did not write the law. I may even disagree with the law but I will enforce it. No matter how you plead, cajole, beg or attempt to stir my sympathies, nothing you do will stop me from placing you in a steel cage with gray bars. If you run away I will chase you. If you fight me I will fight back. If you shoot at me I will shoot back. By law I am unable to walk away. I am a consequence. I am the unpaid bill. I am fate with a badge and a gun. Behind my badge is a heart like yours. I bleed, I think, I love, and yes I *can* be killed. And although I am but one man, I have thousands of brothers and sisters who are the same as me. They will lay down their lives for me, and I them. We stand watch together. The thin-blue-line, protecting the prey from the predators, the good from the bad. We are the police.
- Mike Zavala: [after the Captain walks out] Why do you get nervous?
- Brian Taylor: Women want him, men want to be him, man. He's just...
- Mike Zavala: Yeah, I know. But you want him.
- Brian Taylor: Dude, I'm not gay, but I'd go down on him if he asked.
- Mike Zavala: Sometimes I don't know when you're kidding. And I have to know when you're kidding.
- Brian Taylor: I'm not kidding.
- Mike Zavala: I gotta know when you're kidding.
- Brian Taylor: I'm not kidding.
- [laughs]
- Brian Taylor: I want somebody to talk to, not just sleep with. Do you fucking understand what I'm saying?
- Mike Zavala: White people get hung up on this fucking soulmate bullshit. Just hook up with a chick that can cook and wants kids!
- Brian Taylor: You feel like a hero?
- Mike Zavala: What?
- Brian Taylor: You feel like a hero?
- Mike Zavala: No.
- Brian Taylor: Yeah, me neither.
- [pauses]
- Brian Taylor: What's a hero feel like?
- Mike Zavala: I don't know, man. Did I tell you that me and uh... Gabby got into a huge fight over the fire?
- Brian Taylor: Nope, you didn't tell me that.
- Mike Zavala: She was... she's like; 'you could have died for someone else's kid when ours hasn't even been born yet.' She's like; 'you're not a fireman.'
- Brian Taylor: Janet said the same thing.
- Mike Zavala: Yeah?
- Brian Taylor: Um... I don't think I can go into another burning building. I only went in because you did. Just... put that shit out there.
- Brian Taylor: Janet's pregnant.
- Mike Zavala: What? Get out of here, bro. Are you serious? Already? She's not even Mexican.
- Brian Taylor: Yeah, she's going for the ultrasound tomorrow but three of those little piss stick things.
- Mike Zavala: EPT's, yeah.
- Brian Taylor: Positive, positive, positive.
- Mike Zavala: Whoa, dude. Congrats, bro. Congrats.
- Brian Taylor: It's been two hours. We're still waiting for the detectives to release the crime scene so we can go back on patrol.
- Mike Zavala: Comfortable footwear. Policing is all about comfortable footwear.
- Mike Zavala: Wouldn't it be crazy if your kids were pushing the black and white together one day?
- Brian Taylor: Screw that. I want my kid to have an honest job. Like a politician.
- Mike Zavala: You should marry one of my cousins.
- Brian Taylor: If they're anything like you, I wouldn't be able to stand a fucking hour with them.
- [Zavala laughs]
- Brian Taylor: I don't want to die here, dude.
- Mike Zavala: You're not gonna die here. You're not gonna die. God loves cops.
- Brian Taylor: I fucked up, dude. I fucked up! Don't tell Janet I fucked up.
- Mike Zavala: I'm gonna stay right here, bro. I'm gonna stay right here, okay? It's okay. Do it, dude. It's okay. It's okay to do it right now, bro.
- Brian Taylor: [sobbing] I fucking love you, bro.
- Mike Zavala: Officer down, I need some fucking help! I need some fucking help!
- [sobbing]
- Mike Zavala: Please don't go right now. I'm begging you, bro, don't fucking go right now. Don't go right now!
- Sarge: Van Hauser wants to file a complaint on you, Taylor.
- Brian Taylor: Oh, the USS Van Houser? The LAPD's stealthiest submarine, only surfaces at the end of watch?
- Brian Taylor: Touch me and I will fucking shoot you. Stay where you are.
- Mr. Tre: I don't give a fuck about both you motherfuckers. I'm ready to die today. Fuck ya'll.
- Brian Taylor: This can go one of several ways right now. It is all about your attitude.
- Mr. Tre: Fuck you! I got my mail. I helped him! I helped him give me my mail! I'm getting tired of this shit. I'm not playing with ya'll.
- Mike Zavala: Sir, if you've been drinking you need to stay the fuck inside and not intimidate the mailman. That's it.
- Mr. Tre: Fuck you! You need to shut the fuck up 'cause without that badge and gun, you ain't shit! You're less than motherfucking nothing. You motherfucking border-hopping, donkey riding Mexican motherfucker.
- Mike Zavala: Oh yeah? IS that so? You want to find out what I'm about? Let's settle this right here like grown men, motherfucker.
- Mr. Tre: What did you say? You wanna take a fade? You wanna fight me?
- Mike Zavala: It's so funny to text. Who are you textting? That same bitch?
- Brian Taylor: Dude, yeah. She's smart, man. She's like the first girl I can actually have a conversation with. You know she has a Master of Sciences in Fluid Hydraulics.
- Mike Zavala: Fluid Hydraulics?
- Brian Taylor: Yes.
- Mike Zavala: I wouldn't brag about that, dude. That she has a Master's degree in Fluid Hydraulics.
- Brian Taylor: I date all these girls, man. They're smoking hot.
- Mike Zavala: Yeah, your little fucking badge bunnies.
- Brian Taylor: I get laid without a badge, thank you very much.
- Mike Zavala: Because you were in the Marines. Don't ask, don't tell.
- Brian Taylor: But there's a pattern. An MO here. First date is dinner and a respectful kiss. Second date is dinner and full carnal knowledge. And the third date is dinner and uncomfortable silences when I try and discuss anything of merit. Then it's two or three booty calls and it's on to the next.
- Mike Zavala: Okay, I went to prom and I got married a week later and I ain't tapped anybody but Old Faithful for, like, eight years. So I don't know what you're tripping about, dude.
- Brian Taylor: Okay. Wait, look at me real quick.
- Mike Zavala: Uh-huh.
- Brian Taylor: Okay, ready? I want somebody to talk to. Not just sleep with. Do you fucking understand what I'm saying?
- Mike Zavala: Oh yeah. White people get hung up on this fucking soul mate bullshit. Just hook up with a chick that can cook and wants kids. Some bitch that's down for you that won't fuck your friends and you're straight. Dude, you're the smartest motherfucker I know. You're not gonna find some chick that's as smart as you.
- Brian Taylor: Really, dude? I'm sorry that the perfect girl wasn't dropped in front of me when I was 18-years old.
- Mike Zavala: What you doing?
- Mr. Tre: Doing what I do, you know what I'm saying? Same shit, different day. Ain't shit changed. What's up with ya'll?
- Mike Zavala: Just slow motion.
- Mr. Tre: And that little incident you and I had? You kept it G. You didn't snitch on me and I respect that. So check this out, my people just got out of Folsom Prison. From up North.
- Mike Zavala: Oh yeah?
- Mr. Tre: Word is you got a hit on ya'll, man. Ya'll been greenlit.
- Brian Taylor: Come on, man. We're cops. Everybody wants to kill us, Tre.
- Mr. Tre: Hey, I'm just telling you what they're saying, man.
- Mike Zavala: No, you know what? We appreciate the info, man, but this don't mean you get a pass if we catch you slipping.
- Mr. Tre: I ain't looking for no fucking pass. I do what I do, you know what I'm saying?
- Mike Zavala: I had to say it, though. You know how it is.
- Brian Taylor: What you doing this weekend, Tre? You like the Dodgers?
- Mr. Tre: You gonna slide a nigga some tickets or something?
- Orozco: [warning Taylor and Zavala about the tape recording] Listen, you know they can subpoena that shit if something goes sideways, right? Think twice.
- Brian Taylor: Two words, 'erase button!'
- Brian Taylor: Sir, I don't want to cause any trouble here, but we just fucking rolled up here. I don't know what's going on. It's the second cowboy like this we've run into in a week.
- Ice Agent: Watch out for these guys. They operate by a different set of rules.
- Brian Taylor: I know I'm just a ghetto street cop, but you gotta give me something here.
- Ice Agent: We got indicators he's a runner for the Sinaloa cartel.
- Brian Taylor: Yeah, well, we ran him. He came up clean, dude.
- Ice Agent: You guys don't have the proper clearance for any of this information, but I'm gonna throw you a bone. Cartels are operating here. We're on it. Be careful.
- Mike Zavala: What does that mean, though?
- Ice Agent: It means you and your homeboy need to power down. You just tugged on the tail of the snake and it's gonna turn around and bite you back. I'm throwing you a bone here. Be grateful for what I'm giving you. I'm giving you a warning. Lay low.
- Brian Taylor: Can I get your name for my log?
- Ice Agent: Negative. Move on.
- Brian Taylor: How's you know you were gonna marry Gabby?
- Mike Zavala: She told me. I was just some stoner working at my uncle's muffler shop and one day she grabbed me by the shoulders and says, 'we're getting married and you're joining the department because you can make a lot of money without a college degree.' And I was like, fuck yeah!
- Brian Taylor: I mean, you love her. You guys like never fight. You're happy together.
- Mike Zavala: She's my bitch for sure, dude. I'm just telling you the way it went down. I popped her cherry in high school. She's never been with anybody else. I've never wanted to be with anybody else. You know, it's easy.
- Brian Taylor: Things are getting super serious with Janet and me.
- Mike Zavala: What, you just found that out? You read that in the paper or something? Homegirl owns your ass, dude.
- Brian Taylor: Dude, she wants to move in. She's always over, you know. Why spend the money on two apartments?
- Mike Zavala: It's not about the money.
- Brian Taylor: No, her parents are so traditional. They will go ballistic. But at least we can tell them we're engaged, you know.
- Mike Zavala: Woah! Hold up, bro. Don't play with that shit. You don't ask a broad to marry you because her folks are old-school.
- Brian Taylor: No, dude, you don't understand.
- Mike Zavala: No, dude, you don't do that shit. Think about it, man. After you think about it, think about it again. Jesus. Marriage is forever. Just realize that. It's a promise before God.
- Sarge: Taylor, why didn't you shoot that son of a bitch? You had him dead to rights.
- Brian Taylor: I just didn't feel like killing anyone tonight, Sarge.
- Sarge: You feel like writing this up? Brass is gonna want clean paper, make sure all the logs match.
- Mike Zavala: Sarge, did you see that? Van H has a fucking Ginsu sticking out of his eye.
- Sarge: His eye was cut in half. The lens was hanging out. He's not coming back. Rookie, too. She ain't coming back. She gave me this to give to the watch commander.
- [holds up Sook's badge]
- Mike Zavala: On the spot?
- Sarge: Yeah.
- Davis: Oh well. She wouldn't have made probation anyway.
- Orozco: Hell no.
- Sarge: What, because her daddy's not a captain?
- Davis: You know she wasn't cut out for this shit.
- Sarge: Why is that?
- Davis: The evidence.
- Orozco: She almost got Van Houser killed.
- Sarge: You guys are cold, man. You got cold, dead eyes. You know that? Yeah both of you. You have a soul?
- Davis: Yes, we just leave it at home.
- Brian Taylor: Yo, we gonna sit around yapping or we gonna get this done?
- Orozco: Dude, you guys saved that rookie's life. That was one big fucking fat ese.
- Brian Taylor: We can't hold them off. We gotta lay down a base of fire and pivot.
- Mike Zavala: What the fuck does that mean, dude?
- Brian Taylor: We're shooting our way out of here, bro.