John Malkovich credited as playing...
Dave
- Dave: Charlize, they're on the ray! Helen, hunt them down! William, hurt them! Halle, bury them! Hugh! Jack! Man the battle stations! Kevin! Bake on! We're still going to need that victory cake!
- Skipper: Debbie!
- Kowalski: Dave.
- Skipper: Dave!
- Corporal: He hacked into our system.
- [There's no sound onscreen as Dave speaks]
- Eva: Where's the sound?
- Kowalski: Dave, your microphone, it's not on.
- Classified: Click on the button with the picture of the microphone.
- Short Fuse: Every time a villain calls in, this happens.
- Dave: Hello?
- [the screen goes off]
- Dave: Hello?
- Kowalski: But, now we can hear you.
- Short Fuse: So annoying!
- Kowalski: But we cannot see.
- Short Fuse: Every time!
- Classified: It's like talking to my parents.
- Dave: [holding a microphone] I'M HAPPY! And yet...
- [realizes his revenge succeeded]
- Dave: Now, that I have my revenge, I feel... empty. As if, what I needed all along was... MORE REVENGE! In fact, Robin, write this down. Tomorrow, we move on: Kittens, then Puppies, Bunnies, Pandas...
- [he sees the Penguins' using his ray, gasping, then is angry]
- Dave: [talking to his minions on the microphone] Charlize, they're on the ray!
- [he runs and rips off his human disguise]
- Dave: Helen, hunt them down! William, hurt them! Halle, bury them! Hugh! Jack! Man the battle stations! Kevin! Bake on! We're still going to need that victory cake!
- Skipper: [Dave drops from the ceiling in human disguise] Who are you?
- Dave: The humans know me as Doctor Octavius Brine, renowned geneticist, cheese enthusiast, and frequent donor to NPR pledge drives... but you know me by a different, much older name. A name perhaps you hoped you'd never hear again. A PHANTOM! A shadow of a former life! I... AM...
- [rips off disguise, but wig remains on his head]
- Dave: Dave!
- Skipper: [Whispers] Kowalski?
- Kowalski: [Whispers back] Sorry, sir, no clue.
- Dave: [Looks up, sees the wig on his head, and pulls it off] Dave!
- Skipper: Dave?
- Kowalski: Dave...?
- Dave: Dave!
- Private: [Smiles] Dave!
- Dave: [Annoyed] DA-VUH!
- Rico: [Rolls his eyes] Bleh.
- Dave: [fixes the video connection] How about now?
- Private: Hurray!
- Classified: Yes! Way to go, looks fantastic!
- Dave: Excellent! Now, where was I?
- [laughs maniacally]
- Kowalski: Dave!
- Short Fuse: Grrrr!
- Dave: Greetings, North Wind. I see you've met my old zoo-mates.
- Skipper: We were never "mates." There was no mating.
- Classified: Turn yourself in, David. You are powerless now that I have stolen your precious Medusa Serum.
- Skipper: What? You didn't steal that!
- Classified: It's over.
- Dave: It's over?
- [mock-confusion]
- Dave: Then... why did I call you? Wierd. OH! Maybe it was to show you *this*!
- [turns camera to reveal a large vat of Medusa Serum]
- Kowalski: [collective gasp from everyone] That is a lot of serum for four penguins.
- Dave: Oh, you thought this was just about you four? No, no-no-no-no. We're just getting started.
- [takes a selfie]
- Dave: Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go do some shopping... FOR REVENGE!
- [hits button, buzzer sounds. hits button again, same result]
- Dave: Wait. How do you...?
- Squid: [gurgles instructions]
- Dave: What do I push?
- Squid: [points and gurgles]
- Dave: Is it the red, or...
- Squid 2: [points, gurgles, and slaps own head in frustration]
- Dave: I thought it was... it's not this -
- [screen goes black]
- [after the battle, Dave is revealed made cute by the ray, shrunk and trapped inside a snow globe]
- Dave: What? Are you kidding me?
- [the snow globe falls from the duct tape, Skipper catches him]
- Skipper: Dave. Oh-ho, look at you.
- Dave: You think this is over? I'm just getting started! I'm about...
- Kowalski: What do we do with him now?
- [Rico attempts to swallow the snow globe, but Skipper pulls it away]
- Girl with Snow Globe: Aww...
- Dave: [to the Penguins] Open this right now!
- Skipper: Here you go, kid.
- [Skipper tosses the snow globe to the girl, Dave looks at her]
- Girl with Snow Globe: Cool.
- [the girl sets a finger on the snow globe's glass. Dave puts a tentacle in the same spot and smiles]
- Skipper: I hope you find happiness, Dave.
- [the girl begins to shake the snow globe hard]
- Girl with Snow Globe: It's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing!
- [She runs off shaking the snow globe with Dave whimpering, much to the surprise of the Penguins and the North Wind]