Brett Goldstein credited as playing...
Roy Kent
- Trent Crimm: Everything okay, Ted?
- Ted Lasso: Henry got bullied at school this morning.
- Coach Beard: [Deep breath] If we leave right now and take the connecting flight through Paris, we can be in Kansas by noon, and that punk's house will be in ashes by 12:30!
- Roy Kent: No, no. Best thing you can do with bullies is ignore them. Then you sneak into their house at 4:00 a.m., which, statistically speaking, is the hour people are least prepared to defend themselves.
- Coach Beard: Correct.
- Roy Kent: And once you're standing over them, as they sleep in their bed, you start to beat them. With a thick, heavy rope soaked in red paint. Pummeling them over and over until they wake, confusing the paint for their own blood. When they beg you to stop, you laugh as loud as you can, for as long as you can. And then you start to beat them again.
- [Trent drops his mug in stunned silence]
- Ted Lasso: [pause] Yeah. You know, I may just hold off on anything like that until I connect with Michelle and just get the details, see what actually happened.
- Roy Kent: Yeah, all right. Fair enough.
- Ted Lasso: But thank you.
- Roy Kent: Pleasure.