3 Musketeers (2011 Video) User Reviews (15)

Struggling to find a positive note

[gavinpwebb · 1/10 · 15 December 2011]

I have never been so motivated to write a negative film review before. This movie has, as far as I can see, no redeeming features whatsoever.

The plot is mediocre and unoriginal. The script is clichéd, unrealistic and uninspiring. It seems to be a low budget movie, but has a story with action sequences that need far better special effects, or less ambition. The acting seems terrible, but with that script and the low production values, anyone would have looked bad and I can't fault the actors for anything other than bad judgment for accepting the job.

One thing that stood out above all else for me was the poor quality of some of the action sequences. The (mercifully) short sword fight between two of the leading ladies was probably the worst fight I have ever seen on screen. For a director who has made a career as a stuntman and a fight choreographer, this is really puzzling. What happened? In one of the final scenes two supposedly expert fencers have a fight where they hack at each other with foils as if they're holding machetes. For a film that takes it's name from such a classic story of sword fighting excellence, this failure is an insult, and unforgivable.

I was warned before watching this that it was bad, so I had exceedingly low expectations. Even so, they were not met.

A complete waste of time...

[eneguepogi · 2/10 · 24 November 2011]

I never imagined getting frustrated watching a movie so pathetically made. I'm not sure what the producers are thinking using 3 musketeers as a title. they made a mockery on the original in order to gain a hype to watch this movie. I'm completely disgusted! if anyone is planning to see this movie, please spare your misery and don't watch this as this might just ruin your day. I suggest go out and have time with your family instead. All in all Fast forward button was my friend watching this movie. All in all I rate this movie 2 of 10. If you are to watch this movie, don't get your hopes high as you will definitely just waste your time.

The worst film I've ever seen

[charliejackmasterfunk · 1/10 · 13 August 2018]

I had read some reviews for this film, both on here and on another site, so I was prepared for the worst but let me tell you it was even worse than I'd anticipated, much worse in fact. Try to imagine the worst film you've ever seen, multiply by a hundred and you're getting close to the depths that this film sunk to. I just wish that 0/10 (or even a minus score) was an option.

Horribly clichéd and overacted. A homage to Ed Wood.

[syzygy-208-879849 · 9 November 2011]

When the movie started I thought it might be worth a look. But 10 minutes into it I realized this was a new new level of bad theater.

The premise was hokey and the director was in love with a style of cinematographic where the shot pops to a zoom in. It was constant and annoying.

The moment I know this was the worst movie I seen this year was when they turned on the oven of an electric stove to blow up a house. This was the typical attention to detail the cast and director gave this movie. I saw no less than 6 sequences that were ripped off from other movies. And terribly reproduced as well.

Save your money and the hour and a half of your lives and skip seeing this film, unless you want to see how not to film and action movie.

Silly, comic book action, if not altogether satisfying

[mikemdp · 4/10 · 20 February 2012]

This film by low-budget direct-to-DVD house The Asylum is a mixed bag of silly, comic book action, uneven visual effects and even more uneven acting. The end result is ultimately a fun, if not altogether satisfying, time waster.

It's not a straight mockbuster of any "Three Musketeers" movie in Asylum's usual "Transmorphers" kind of way. Except for the title and some character names from the Dumas novel, the movie better resembles a "Charlie's Angels" film, as its plot centers around a team of action heroes attempting to stop a conspiracy to incite World War III.

The team code-named "Musketeers" consists of, predictably, spies whose own code names are Athos, Porthos and Aramis. They're joined later by an exotic-looking female spy named D'Artagnan who claims to be a direct descendant of the real one. Their enemy: A guy code-named "The Cardinal" (natch) who for reasons unclear wants to start a global war by killing the president.

The actors in the Musketeer roles are not too bad and actually appear to be having some fun, which is rare for The Asylum. Arguably the two sorest points in most Asylum productions is that their preposterous, low-budget movies are presented dead seriously, and that their has-been actors like Greg Evigan seem mortified to be appearing in them.

Not so here, where martial artist XIN is so charismatic as Athos you'll hope to see him in a better kung fu movie, lovely Michele Boyd as Aramis is reminiscent of Meg Ryan circa "Innerspace," Keith Allan channels Jeff Goldblum as brainy Porthos who spouts '80s pop culture references like "The light is green, the trap is clean," and Heather Hemmens (of the CW's "Hellcats") actually makes you believe a Costa Rican hottie could be the direct descendant of a 17th Century French guard.

But again, as with most Asylum movies, other cast members are so bad you'll wonder who on the production team they must be related to/have paid off/had sexual relations with to land their roles. Alan Rachins is so flat-out awful as the Cardinal he comes off as someone's old college acting teacher given the part as a favor. He pulls down every scene he's in so badly the movie actually appears to freeze-frame every time he comes on screen. Where's Barry Bostwick when you need him? Digital effects by Tiny Juggernaut are typically bargain basement, but not so much that they ruin the show. This is, after all, comic book melodrama, so it's OK by me if the jet planes and rockets look a little cartoony.

It's mindless fun that's worth a look on Netflix or maybe picked up used for a couple of bucks. Paying any more for it would be a bigger crime than World War III.

Not good and not awful

[tom-bartsch-255-454775 · 3/10 · 9 January 2012]

This movie was somewhat amusing. If you don't expect intelligent dialogs, awesome special effects and top-class actors you can watch this movie. Switch-off your brain and watch.

The story is a typical good and bad thing without surprises. There are some would-be hackers with very unrealistic hacking methods, some would-be fighters, boring fighting scenes and a lot of low-level special effects at which I have to say that I have seen worse effects in other movies.

I really liked the charisma of Alexandra D'Artangan (Heather Hemmens) and Isaac Athos (Xin Sarith Wuku). But most of the actors are completely lacking in acting performance. The bad guy Treville the Cardinal (Alan Rachins) is an inflexible old guy and simply not credible as a bad guy from my opinion.

The camera work is awful. Too much switching (close, distant, close, distant...).

All things considered the involved parties tried hard too make a movie with good effects but unfortunately they didn't managed it.

Fall on your sword!

[ThatMonkey · 4/10 · 21 April 2012]

You never think a movie could be this bad, but it is. The movie starts out with a sexy bra and pantie scene, but the female talent is pale, out of shape and less than attractive. The camera work is beyond shaky and the video editing looks like it was done with Windows Movie Maker, Millennium Edition.

The premise is good and with a bigger budget, better actors and more realist special effects, this could have been a cult classic, but when you use a credit card machine as a badge reader, you loose the audience. I didn't know that guy was trying to secure a room, I thought he was paying for a pizza.

Thought this would be good for a laugh, but it's just a bad example about why some scripts should never be written and some movies should never be green lit. Unless you know someone in this movie or participated in the production, I say save your time and energy.

Alexandre Dumas gone modern...

[TheLittleSongbird · 2/10 · 7 September 2013]

And unfortunately it's a modern treatment that is done very poorly. If it weren't for Heather Hemmens who is beautiful and adorable with a lot of charisma, Asylum's latest mock buster 3 Musketeers would have no redeeming qualities at all. The 2011 film of The Three Musketeers is no great shakes but even that was better than this, at least the film looked good and the characters of Athos, Richelieu and Rochefort were convincingly acted. That's more than can be said for 3 Musketeers, the movie looks very slipshod with choppy editing and camera work that is highly suggestive of somebody who had absolutely no idea of what technique to use, almost too much like a very distracting experiment. Hemmens also is the only convincing enough actor in the movie too, the villains of Alan Rachins and David Chokachi are far too camp to be believable(Rachins is just awful here), the Musketeers lack charisma and energy mostly, Xin Sarith Wuku acts much more convincingly with his fists than he does with his mouth, and talented martial arts/stunt men like Simon Rhee are wasted. The action sequences are very poorly shot, dull and verge on cheesy, often feeling like inserted footage from the worst of Steven Seagal fight scenes. Add to that cardboard clichés passing for characters, dialogue of mind-numbingly banality and stupidity- someone really could have done with a few days more to make everything seem more complete and less hurried- and a story that has no sense of originality, excitement or fun at all, and you have a movie that is badly misconceived and fails on nearly every level. 2/10, and that is only for Hemmens. Bethany Cox

Time waster

[jastpeel-37-483655 · 1/10 · 29 November 2022]

A real stemwinder if you are setting your watch ahead to miss this turkey. Poor production quality, lousy script, poorly acted. Kept me on the edge of my seat ... ready to run screaming from the room. The fight scenes ere passable. The highlight of the movie was a guy in a ZZ Topp beard and a Tom Selleck mustache. Blowing up a building using an electric stove was a close second. The sword fight between the two women was like dance steps with sword strikes ... 1,2,3 ...1,2,3 ... 1,2,3. The air conditioning duct made out of reflective insulating cloth is a can't miss. If you can miss this, please see that you do.

Where is any Dumas except in the names?

[unbrokenmetal · 3/10 · 4 April 2022]

This could have been an interesting movie if they kept to the original premise: transfer the Dumas story into modern times. Unfortunately this was not attempted, it is just a typical spy story along the lines of "find out about a conspiracy and stop it by some computer hacking and shoot-outs", just that some characters are named Athos, Porthos and Aramis. The original idea of "The Three Musketeers" - innocent country-side lad D'Artagnan comes to the big city Paris and learns a lot from three experienced fighters - is not used. The D'Artagnan we get here is a clever agent who knows everything better and just lets the other three do the dirty work, like hand-to-hand combat and computer hacking. So if the script doesn't show any serious effort to use the ideas of the original, the technical side is sloppy as well, with many handheld shots and editing that appears to randomly jump from actor to actress. I give this very generous 3 out of 10 for a few funny moments (intended or not).

never ever watch this

[coex23 · 1/10 · 3 April 2019]

It's possible that half of the budget went into the utterly cheap poster art and the other half went to the Dumas estate.

That said, grinding salt into your eyes is wayyyyy more fun than attempting to watch this thing. Script was written in crayon on toilet paper at a daycare that the writer works at during the day. In between cleaning up diaper explosions and vomit. "Never mind the vomit on the script; if we sell one dvd of this, we'll break even!"

Yes, that bad.

I'm sorry, you've wasted more time reading this than is worth it. Click off this page quick and move on with your life. Before it's too late.

Not a 10, but not a 2 either

[Killa42 · 10/10 · 19 July 2013]

This was my favorite Asylum film to date. It had action, bad puns, cheesy blood scenes. and they even threw in a few explosions. A few of the side actors were not that good at their jobs, like the guy who played Alexandra's boss, but the main characters seemed to all have fun and enjoy their roles. You have to realize going into this that it isn't some highbrow theatrical masterpiece. It's an action movie called 3 Musleters and takes place in modern times for crying out loud... You get exactly what that promises; nothing more, nothing less. I'd give it a 5 out of 10 if it weren't rated low by people who clearly took this movie too seriously. Personally, I laughed through most of this. And for the record, someone posted a "goof" about the stove during the explosion not being a gas stove and was therefore not a gas source for an explosion, but a lot of electric stoves are also gas stoves!

All for one, but none for all

[Chase_Witherspoon · 2/10 · 1 February 2024]

Not the typical 'Three Musketeers' tale, but a modern revision starring Hemmens as a federal agent who enlists the eponymous trio of notorious international spies when she discovers a sinister inside plot to assassinate PotUS.

Former LA Law star Rachins has little to do but snarl and make threats as the principal villain (until he's called upon to throw some heavy haymakers late in the film), whilst ex Baywatch body Chokachi also features as a military turncoat. Rounding off the marquee names is veteran TV and film actor Steven Williams in an all-too-brief cameo early in the film as a conspiracy theorist.

The multi-talented quartet have chemistry, and their comic-book skills are never substantially challenged by the typically inept opponents who bumble from one botched assassination attempt to the next like keystone cops. Boyd in particular is engaging as an emotionless female Aramis, supremely confident in her appearance and fighting skills, she has a brutal hand to hand encounter with her leather-clad equivalent Smith that ends comically.

But despite some good intentions, and an occasional chuckle, it's still amateur hour displaying very limited imagination or technical skill, unlikely to make it into most living rooms except by mistake when you consider it's title and proximity to the release of the bigger, better known Hollywood remake.

A comic book screenplay

[aventer-1 · 15 November 2011]

Imagine taking the dialog from the balloons in a comic book and simply using it as a screenplay. Would it work? See this movie for an answer. The story of the 3 musketeers has been shoehorned into a paint-by-numbers spy/secret agent/commando story by assigning the names and some plot points of the original to the rather un-original characters and story of this deadly opus. I admit I didn't make it through the whole thing so I'll tell you what I saw before giving up in disgust. A crack team of "musketeers" has penetrated some major military installation in (I guess) China and is trashing their warlike computer which has been cleverly designed to resemble some high voltage switchgear. The location has been cleverly disguised as a factory or oil refinery or something with a lot of pipes. In the process our heroes kill the half dozen useless guards, blow up an airliner, a helicopter and a few other things. The computer whiz hacks an anti-aircraft gun with his tablet computer, poking the poor thing savagely with his index finger. A dozen jabs or so and he has logged onto Chinese wi-fi, cracked the firewall of the internet enabled gun, aimed it, fired it and blown up the enemy fighters, all with less keystrokes (finger pokes?) than it took YOU to get the movie to play! We never find out exactly why they caused all this havoc. Somehow they get back to safety where they regroup and meet up with the girl "musketeer" who is meditating in a brief two-piece swim suit, perhaps hoping to remember where she left the rest of her costume. The single sentence, comic book balloon style speech continues throughout this mayhem, branding all involved as 2-D cardboard totally disposable and boring characters. Even the sexy girl is uninteresting and dull.

At first I thought this would be a spoof of this type of story and looked forward to some entertaining gags. But no, this thing is apparently meant to be "for real" and we must suffer through the antics of two brainless lugs and one bimbo as they karate-chop their way through life.

This clunker has the appearance of a costly production, what with many 'splodin' things, flyovers of a big city, cgi space satellites and such, but it's still small enough to require the crew to post bogus favorable reviews, hoping to bolster the pathetic rating and maybe con a few credulous viewers into buying or renting this wretched dog! It's a stinker of the bottom tier! Avoid!

Better Than The Milla & Orlando Effort !

[guestar57 · 26 October 2011]

Starring: Alan Rachins, David Chokachi and Kane Hodder.

Directed by: Cole McKay Pretty amazing effort to entertain with a familiar name in action-adventure films.

The action stuff is truly breathtaking and moves really fast to plot points that make sense and add to excitement of effort.

The character names you are used to are here and the evil Cardinal is represented by LA LAW 's Alan Rachins.

The evilness continues with David Chokachi from BAYWATCH fame and he shows many skills that can still be added to his acting efforts.

The cameos reach a pinnacle with F13 JASON,Kane Hodder gives a fleeting character some horrible glee in his tasks.

This should be a big hit in rentals and sales, It has everything for the fan and even occasional viewer of Redbox or Netflix fodder.