Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Stan Smith • Roger the Alien • Greg Corbin • Glenn Quagmire
- Francine Smith: Stan, I'm late for my period.
- Stan Smith: Maybe if you jump up and down... get things started.
- Roger: Uh yeah, Steve, I'm a professional film editor, I can do anything. Tyler Perry's movies are actually quite good before I get my hands on them.
- Stan Smith: [to Francine] So did you take the pregnancy test?
- Francine Smith: I did.
- Stan Smith: And? Am I going to be a father again?
- Stan Smith: Well, I didn't have a home pregnancy test, so I had to take one online. I'm waiting for the doctor to e-mail me back with the results.
- Stan Smith: How do you take a pregnancy test over the computer?
- Francine Smith: Well, per instruction, I first took several pictures of my genitals.
- Stan Smith: You what?
- Francine Smith: And then one of me peeing on a teddy bear and sent them to the doctor.
- Stan Smith: I-I don't think, uh, that that-that's that's real.
- Francine Smith: He's a legitimate doctor, Stan. See for yourself.
- [shows Stan the website; the computer beeps]
- Francine Smith: That must be the result. Oh, God, here goes.
- [reads her results]
- Francine Smith: Oh. Dr. Vadgers says my lab work requires more information. He needs to see my boobs popping out of a cheerleading outfit.
- [Stan looks at her]
- Francine Smith: I know what you're thinking. What is the boob test going to tell him that the butthole test didn't? He's just being super careful.
- Stan Smith: [as he's getting beat up] Steve, help! Wrote a few checks with my mouth, bud. Need you to help me cash them.
- Stan Smith: [to Steve] Where'd you go?
- Steve Smith: I got the usher.
- Stan Smith: I almost died!
- Steve Smith: I almost died too... of shock. I accidentally ran into a Hugh Grant movie. Ugh. Such a youthful haircut on such an old face.
- Steve Smith: The night belongs to me, for I am Greater Chimdale County Man.
- Roger: No! That name's terrible!
- Steve Smith: I can't believe we've been walking around all night and couldn't find one crime.
- Roger: This neighborhood's gotten too safe since the Blacks moved out. David and Franklin Black. Two white brothers who killed every Mexican in town.