Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- [last line of the episode, after Sheldon scares Leonard, who just found out that Priya cheated on him]
- Sheldon Cooper: Bazinga, punk! Now we're even!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, the walls are dripping blood, which looks nothing like a phenolphthalein indicator exposed to a sodium carbonate solution.
- [reading red paint on the wall]
- Sheldon Cooper: "See you in hell Sheldon..." The most frightful thing about that is the missing comma!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [off screen] Who is it?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz!
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that's not my mom, that's Bernadette.
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? That's unsettling.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz. You put 'er there, you son of a gun!
- [holds out his hand]
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, whatever.
- [they shake hands, Howard gets the electric shock, and faints]
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh my God, Howard! What did you do?
- Sheldon Cooper: [panics] It was a harmless Halloween prank... Look...
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard has a heart condition! You know that!
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I thought he made that up! Isn't hypochondria common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: This is adrenaline... we're gonna have to inject it into his heart.
- Sheldon Cooper: We are?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You are! I'm not strong enough to get it through his chest plate, and we've only got one shot!
- [gives the needle to Sheldon]
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh no! I can't!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Hurry! We're running out of time!
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay...
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Just do it!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh God! One... two... three...
- [sticks a "needle" in Howard's chest]
- Howard Wolowitz: [opens his eyes undramatically, revealing that he was just acting] Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
- Sheldon Cooper: [while Howard and Bernadette laughs] What? No! You mean all this was just a ruse? Oh, how could I be so STU-U-U-U...
- [touches his head with the electronic device and falls down again]
- Sheldon Cooper: Some ghostly moans, rattling of chains and a witch's cackle, the trifecta of haunted house cliches. Instead of "eek", I say "yawn".
- [Sheldon is working on an electric device he plans to trick Howard with]
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello, Howard. I've realized that you scaring me was all in just. Now, allow me to say... "Good job."
- [he shakes hands with himself. He thereby touches the electric device and gets an electric shock, falling down towards the floor]
- Sheldon Cooper: [after trying to scare Raj] I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper, you're better than this.
- Howard Wolowitz: Come on. Admit it, we got you, Sheldon!
- Sheldon Cooper: Please! Fright depends on an element of surprise. The simple fact is, because I am much smarter than you and able to anticipate your actions...
- [Leonard comes up behind him in a mask]
- Sheldon Cooper: ...it is highly unlikely that you two rubes could ever surprise me.
- Raj Koothrappali: He's probably right.
- Howard Wolowitz: We can't beat him. He's just too smart.
- Sheldon Cooper: [satisfied] Gentlemen.
- [turns around, sees Leonard in his mask, screams and faints down on the floor]
- Sheldon Cooper: The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That actually does help.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.
- Sheldon Cooper: You guys forget, I'm from Texas, where we know how to settle a score. Don't ask me, ask Mexico.
- Sheldon Cooper: [revising a physics equation on his white board] And reverse the spin on the antiproton and gamma becomes alpha, multiplied by a matrix of negative i comma zero, and there we have it: conclusive proof that I am absolutely worthless after 9 o'clock.