Yvette Nicole Brown credited as playing...
Shirley Bennett
- Britta Perry: Yeah, but your religion isn't the same as morality and calling me amoral because I'm atheistic is religious persecution.
- Shirley Bennett: How can I religiously persecute you? You don't have a religion.
- Britta Perry: Oh, look! A hitchhiker. A person in need. Oh, my God. What am I doing? I'm pulling over to help him out.
- Shirley Bennett: Do not help him out.
- Britta Perry: Why, because it proves the existence of secular morality?
- [smiling]
- Shirley Bennett: No, because he looks stinky.
- Britta Perry: Judge not, Shirley. Judge not.
- Hitchhiker: I really appreciate it, thank you.
- Britta Perry: Where are you headed, fellow human?
- Hitchhiker: Riverside Falls?
- Shirley Bennett: That's 40 minutes away.
- Britta Perry: Oh, I guess I'm just a really good person.
- Hitchhiker: I knew you were. I could see the kindness in your faces. I assume you've both accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
- [Britta's smile fades]
- Shirley Bennett: [smiling] Oh, that's nice.
- Hitchhiker: And that's when I realized I had to forgive them.
- Shirley Bennett: That's a beautiful story. So inspiring how he came to find the lord. Isn't it, Britta?
- Britta Perry: Yeah, yeah.
- Hitchhiker: Well, I didn't exactly have to find the lord. He was inside me.
- Shirley Bennett: Amen! What's your name, friend?
- Hitchhiker: Jesus.
- Shirley Bennett: Oh. Are you L... latino?
- Hitchhiker: No, my child. I am him.
- Shirley Bennett: You're what now?
- Hitchhiker: I am the one true son of God. I was sent here to save humanity.
- Shirley Bennett: [under her breath] Oh, no.
- Britta Perry: Well, it is a pleasure to have you in my car, Jesus.
- Shirley Bennett: Britta, stop. It's not funny now.
- Britta Perry: Hey Jesus, just curious, what's your position on marijuana?
- Hitchhiker: It was given to us by God. It should be legal.
- Britta Perry: Oh, that's nice.
- Hitchhiker: Thank you. Thank you very much. Now, with your permission, I'd like to sing a little song about race-mixing. This one's called "Don't You Do It."
- Britta Perry, Shirley Bennett: [brakes lock] Get out!
- Abed Nadir: Also, Troy scraped me when we were fork-jousting last week and I don't think it's healing right.
- Annie Edison: Oh.
- Britta Perry: Ew!
- Annie Edison: Abed, that's infected.
- Troy Barnes: Infected. That's the word I was looking for.
- Jeff Winger: Hi, guys.
- Annie Edison: I thought you were sick.
- Jeff Winger: I was... n't. I kind of made it up to get out of helping.
- Britta Perry: Oh, that's okay.
- Jeff Winger: It is?
- Britta Perry: Yeah, it is. Oh! Hey, Jeff, did you know that when it snows my eyes become large?
- Abed Nadir, Britta Perry, Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett: [singing] and the light that you shine can be seen...
- Jeff Winger: He tweeted it?
- Abed Nadir, Britta Perry, Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett: Baby...
- Jeff Winger: [wails] He tweeted it!
- Abed Nadir, Britta Perry, Troy Barnes, Shirley Bennett: I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray
- Dean Pelton: [singing] and now that your rose is in bloom / a light hits the gloom on the gray