Jack Gleeson credited as playing...
Joffrey Baratheon
- Joffrey Baratheon: Time for the bedding ceremony!
- [the crowd cheers. Joffrey grabs Sansa by her arm and pulls her]
- Tyrion Lannister: There will be no bedding ceremony.
- Joffrey Baratheon: Where's your respect for tradition, uncle? Come, everyone! Pick her up and carry her to her wedding bed. Get rid of her gown. She won't be needing it any longer.
- [Sansa crosses her arms fearfully as Joffrey points towards Tyrion]
- Joffrey Baratheon: Ladies, attend to my uncle. He's not heavy.
- Tyrion Lannister: There will be no bedding ceremony.
- Joffrey Baratheon: [smiles nastily] There will be if I command it.
- [Tyrion slams his dagger into the table, startling Joffrey]
- Tyrion Lannister: Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock!
- [a shocked silence falls. Tywin quickly rises to his feet. Joffrey approaches Tyrion, seething with rage]
- Joffrey Baratheon: What did you say? What... did you... SAY?
- [Tyrion and Joffrey glare at each other hatefully. Tywin intervenes to defuse the situation]
- Tywin Lannister: I believe we can dispense with the bedding, Your Grace. I'm sure Tyrion didn't mean to threaten the king.
- [Tyrion bursts out laughing and lets go of the dagger]
- Tyrion Lannister: A bad joke Your Grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small. My poor wife won't even know I'm there.
- Tywin Lannister: Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace.
- Tyrion Lannister: I am. Guilty.
- [Tyrion drinks from his cup]
- Tyrion Lannister: But... but it is my wedding night. My tiny drunk cock and I have a job to do.
- [Tyrion stumbles drunk]
- Tyrion Lannister: Come, wife.
- [Tyrion starts walking away. Sansa glances fearfully at Joffrey, then follows Tyrion]
- Tyrion Lannister: I vomited on a girl once in the middle of the act. Not proud of it. But I think honesty is important between a man and wife, don't you agree? Come I'll tell you all about it. Put you in the mood.