H. Jon Benjamin credited as playing...
Sterling Archer
- [first lines]
- Sterling Archer: [coughs] Oh-ho, God. Ugh, no, forget the glass, Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher... for I am a sinner in the hands of an angry god. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death... which I hope is soon. Amen."
- Sterling Archer: Where'd you learn all that stuff?
- Pam Poovey: You know I grew up on a farm, right?
- Sterling Archer: Really hoping that's not relevant.
- [last lines]
- Sterling Archer: ...I was here...
- Sterling Archer: [drinks] ... half drunk and having amazing sex.
- Pam Poovey: Well, I wouldn't say amazing.
- [pause]
- Pam Poovey: What? Come on, you were pushin' rope!
- Pam Poovey: That's 150 gallons... of Pam's hot, dirty, ball-slappiny...
- Sterling Archer: Ohhhh, God!
- Pam Poovey: Come at me, bro!
- Sterling Archer: And the last thing you need is another drink!
- Lana Kane: Ugh, seriously! How can you be drinking after last night?
- Sterling Archer: How can you not?
- Lana Kane: Because I don't have a problem.
- Malory Archer: [sighs] Well, I do...
- Sterling Archer: First step's admitting it, Mother.
- Malory Archer: What? Not with drinking!
- Sterling Archer, Lana Kane: Eh...
- Sterling Archer: Did we lose some people?
- Pam Poovey: Lana and Cyril bailed! Trifling bitches! Here! Unless you're a trifling bitch too!
- [hands Archer a metal Thermos, he drinks]
- Sterling Archer: Oh! Agh! What did I just put inside me?
- Pam Poovey: Green Russians! It's absinthe and...
- [they notice a stripper]
- Pam Poovey: milk. Sweet shitsnacks! Look at those!
- Sterling Archer: Sorry, had to go to the bathroom, nothing unusual, just, uh, for you know, normal bodily waste excretion.
- Malory Archer: If you're quite finished...
- Sterling Archer: Damn near.
- Malory Archer: ... then go home, sober up, and make sure your apartment is secure.
- Sterling Archer: Um, why? To all three of those?
- Malory Archer: Because, if and when Nikolai shows up, he's not staying at my place!
- Sterling Archer: [outside the bathroom] So, uh, hey, hi, I'm, uh, Sterling Archer. You-you may remember me from the strip club and hopefully also from what was hands-down the most incredible sex that I've personally ever had. Uh... hello? Oh, right, so, uh, I know, uh, we had an-an implied oral agreement about heroin, but...
- [Archer opens the bathroom door]
- Pam Poovey: Heroin?
- Sterling Archer: What-?
- Pam Poovey: [on the toilet] That's the last freakin' thing I need!
- Pam Poovey: [straining] I'm bound up tighter'n Dick's hat band.
- Sterling Archer: Oh no, no, no, not--Wait... were you? Did- did we...?
- Pam Poovey: Yeah, we did it and you loved it!
- Sterling Archer: [weakly] No, that's not... I can't...
- [Archer passes out. Pam strains out a fart]