Jason Alexander credited as playing...
Dr. Goodman
- Alan Harper: Have you ever had oral sex, *and* peach cobbler?
- Dr. Goodman: At the same time? Can't say that I have.
- Alan Harper: Well I have. And once my girlfriend finds out that I'm healthy, I'm back to sucking life savers and humping my pillow.
- Dr. Goodman: Well, as your doctor, all I can tell you is you're perfectly healthy.
- Alan Harper: Can I get a second opinion?
- Dr. Goodman: Yes, you're ugly, too.
- Dr. Goodman: All right, Mr Harper, well, I've got some good news.
- Alan Harper: Let me have it.
- Dr. Goodman: I'm banging my receptionist. I'm sorry, I, I never get tired of that one.
- Alan Harper: That, that's funny, but what about me?
- Dr. Goodman: No, you don't have a chance with her.
- Alan Harper: [the Doctor is giving Alan his test results] Is this confidential, what we're saying?
- Dr. Goodman: Think of me as a priest. Except, when I touch your nuts, it's strictly business.