Kat Dennings credited as playing...
Max Black
- Caroline Channing: Look at all these people just sitting here, not tipping, working on their computers. This guy has a brand new Apple, I've been eating the same apple for a week. I blame Steve Jobs.
- Max Black: These people are more like, Steve "I Have No" Jobs. All right, that's it.
- [Max walks over to Earl]
- Max Black: Earl, I need to get the wireless router.
- Earl: Oh, is that what this is? I though tit was a cookie warmer.
- [Max takes the wireless router from Earl]
- Max Black: Attention deadbeat diners. You can't just sit here all night and only order coffee. This is not a Starbucks. And I know that because we don't sell Norah Jones CDs or bananas. This is the router for the free WI-FI. And that is a waitress who needs to make some tips.
- Caroline Channing: Seriously guys, I need actual cash. This guy just offered to pay me in ideas.
- Max Black: If I pull this plug, the Internet will go down. And you,
- [Max points to a customer]
- Max Black: that sad e-mail you're in the middle of writing to your ex-boyfriend, the one you shouldn't send anyway? Gone. And you.
- [she points to another customer]
- Max Black: that vaguely pornographic anime film you've been illegally downloading for the past three hours? Gone. And you,
- [she points to another customer]
- Max Black: that screenplay you've been writing? You can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends, with you moving back in with your mother.
- Caroline Channing: Now, who's gonna order?
- [Everybody raises their hand]
- Max Black: Great, I'll go get some menus. Here, Caroline, put this back.
- [Max gives the router to Caroline but the plug accidentally comes out, shutting down the Internet]
- Earl: Ooh, my cookie warmer.
- [Max accidentally opens the door on Caroline sitting in a bath tub masturbating with a shower head]
- Caroline Channing: What are you doing? Knock first.
- Max Black: Why are your legs up in the air like that? And why were you holding the shower head down by your...
- [Max then realizes why]
- Max Black: Oh, oh oh!
- [Max closes the door, she then opens the shade into the bathroom]
- Max Black: I'm sorry. I thought you'd be home feeling bad for yourself, not feeling your bad self.
- [Caroline closes the bathroom shade]
- Caroline Channing: What are you doing home already? Why aren't you at the Candy Andy party?
- [Max gives Caroline a strange look]
- Caroline Channing: Oh, don't look at me like that. It's not I'm like the only person in the world who masturbates.
- Max Black: Also, Andy's here.
- [Caroline slowly turns around and sees Andy]
- Andy: We wanted to surprise you
- Max Black: But then you surprised us.
- [Caroline turns away and back to the Bathroom]
- Caroline Channing: I feel weird.
- Max Black: Relax it's just your lady parts waking up from hibernation.