Rainn Wilson credited as playing...
Dwight Schrute
- Jim Halpert: So what is the problem?
- Dwight Schrute: Angela.
- Jim Halpert: I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation.
- Dwight Schrute: Some sort of virus?
- Jim Halpert: Love.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh.
- Jim Halpert: Dwight, listen: no matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. At the end of the day, you gotta jump. You love Angela, Dwight. I think you always have.
- Dwight Schrute: You're a good assistant, Jim.
- Dwight Schrute: Last week I finally became permanent manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. My first project: increase security. I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. Now they're protecting America's real treasure, paper. Every morning I email the day's security codes. Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. It's not the KGB, but it's a start.
- Jim Halpert: You threw the summoning bag at me, sir?
- Dwight Schrute: I need you to perform a test.
- Jim Halpert: [Writing on his clipboard] Perform a test.
- Dwight Schrute: On an innocent baby.
- Jim Halpert: Ooh, I like where this is going. Unfortunately, I have a lot on my plate today, so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two.
- [Rips the page off his clipboard and hands it to Dwight]
- Jim Halpert: But, don't worry, he's the best in the biz.
- Dwight Schrute: [Looks at the paper Jim just handed him] Damn straight!
- Jim Halpert: Unless you think he can't handle it.
- Dwight Schrute: Hey, he can handle it.
- Jim Halpert: All right.
- Dwight Schrute: The way that boy looks at the Galactica is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. And he eats the same kind of paper I do.
- Dwight Schrute: This is my grandmother's ring. It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. She was a moonshiner, shot by Adolph Coors.
- Dwight Schrute: Welcome.
- Jim Halpert: He welcomes you!
- Dwight Schrute: Please take an agenda.
- Jim Halpert: Your agenda-taking pleases him.
- Jim Halpert: You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thing, none of these people are good enough.
- Dwight Schrute: I know.
- Jim Halpert: What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet it might be the most logical thing I've ever said.
- Dwight Schrute: Jim, this is gonna come as no surprise, but I know exactly what you were gonna say. The only possible assistant to my assistant...
- Jim Halpert: Is...
- Dwight Schrute: Me.
- Jim Halpert: The new assistant to the assistant to the regional manager is... Dwight K. Schrute.
- Dwight Schrute: Yes!