Alex Borstein: Susie Myerson

The Testi-Roastial

Susie Myerson

Susie Myerson: [Midge wants Susie to tell her fiance the wedding is off] Miriam, I have done a lot for you over the years. I jumped onto a subway track to retrieve your third favorite hat. I came to your apartment at four a.m. to kill a cockroach. Turned out to be a raisin. I've euthanized three of your elderly pets. I've wrung out your wet bras on hotel terraces. I wrestled a Turkish police officer to the ground, I kept Ethel Merman away from you. But this! This has nothing to do with your career. It's your personal life and I gotta start drawing lines and I'm starting today. I'm sorry, but you get yourself out of this.

Aaron Lebowitz: Okay, but I'm telling it. Mike was the talent booker. He and Susie started getting all buddy-buddy. Another odd couple, like her and Harry.
[Flashback to Toots Shor's bar]
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: No, you know how you say a word too many times, it stops sounding like a word? Well, there's a word for that.
Ralph: What's the word?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: I can't remember the word.
Adam: Cess, you went to Harvard. What's the word?
Cecil: I don't know. I didn't major in words.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: It's gonna bug me.
Mike Carr: [At another part of the bar] She's doing the tennis pro.
Susie Myerson: Get out.
Mike Carr: People say.
Aaron Lebowitz: [voice-over] Was it legit camaraderie, or just Susie working some angle? Either way the angle presented itself.
Susie Myerson: Hey, Mike, who made that dumb rule that anyone who works on the show can't be on the show?
Mike Carr: It's George. George made the rule about no one working on the show appearing on the show. It's some dumb superstition of his dating back to, I dunno, when he was a boy in Pompeii. Gordon follows it 'cause... I don't know. I don't know anything.
Susie Myerson: George, huh?
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Semantic satiation!
Cecil: That's two words.

Susie Myerson: 25 years you've known me. We're friends.
Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Friends. Boy that's convenient. The first time you call me "friend" is when you're caught.

Susie Myerson: These douchebags that never open letters but they have letter openers. I truly despise that.