Simon Helberg credited as playing...
Howard Wolowitz
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, hold on. While I'm comfortable speaking about science, I'm not sure I know how to spark the interest of school children. Better Google it.
- Howard Wolowitz: What exactly are you looking up?
- Sheldon Cooper: [Types] How do I get twelve-year-old girls excited?
- Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz: Nooo!
- Sheldon Cooper: I believe in a gender-blind society like in Star Trek, where women and men of all races and creeds worked side by side as equals.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You mean where they were advanced enough to invent an inter-stellar warp drive but a black lady still answered the space phone?
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, I did spend a lot of my shower time with Lieutenant Uhura.
- Sheldon Cooper: I suppose there is a history of professional women using their initials so as not to be prejudged: Harry Potter's J.K. Rowling... uh, Star Trek's D.C. Fontana...
- Howard Wolowitz: Van Nuys pole dancer D.D. Melons.
- Howard Wolowitz: Bernie, I'm home. Did you have fun today?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Yes, and I have a surprise for you.
- Howard Wolowitz: Please be Cinderella. Please be Cinderella.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Appears dressed as Cinderella] Hello, my handsome prince.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Quickly gets his shirt off] Milady.
- [Mimes riding a horse over to her]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look, I know you guys don't want to do this, but we have no choice, so you can either bitch and whine, or we can just get it over with.
- Howard Wolowitz: I got whine.
- Sheldon Cooper: I got the 'b' word.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, well, it's in our contract to serve on a university committee, and frankly this is one I believe in. Okay, here we go. 'Encouraging more women to pursue a career in the sciences.'
- Howard Wolowitz: C'mon, if I was any good at convincing women to do stuff, I wouldn't have spent so much of my twenties in the shower.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're supposed to be encouraging women to study science. Can you at least play a less sexist game?
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't see anything sexist. She can handle a battleaxe as well as any man.
- Howard Wolowitz: And she has mammary glands that can breast feed a family of thirty and have enough milk left over to open a Baskin-Robbins.
- Sheldon Cooper: Mother, warrior princess, small business owner, I see glass ceilings shattering all over the place.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice of your school to let us talk to girls about science.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah. They're very excited to hear from their most famous student, except for the serial killer that ate all those prostitutes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Must be exciting to come back to your alma mater as an astronaut.
- Howard Wolowitz: I know. I left here a skinny nerd...
- Leonard Hofstadter: And now you're also an astronaut.