Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: Do potato clock! Potato clock!
- Penny: What's 'potato clock'?
- Professor Proton: I run a clock with a potato.
- Penny: Shut up! You can do that? I mean, wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
- Professor Proton: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: I wrote you a fan letter when I was a child in Texas and you sent me this autographed picture. Do you remember that?
- Professor Proton: I'll give you a hint: I have a bracelet with my own address on it.
- Sheldon Cooper: You may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
- Professor Proton: No, I, I get that.
- Sheldon Cooper: But, um, I did have you. And every day at 4 o'clock you'd come to my house on channel 68 and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, who knows what would have become of me. You know, instead of a world class physicist, I could have wound up as, uh, a hobo. Or a surgeon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries.
- Sheldon Cooper: You... It's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
- Professor Proton: Well, thanks. Thanks, you guys. That, that, that means a lot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's important you know how much you mean to us.
- Sheldon Cooper: Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.
- Professor Proton: Just, just call me 'Arthur'.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard! Did you hear that? Professor Proton said I should call him 'Arthur'! That means we're friends!
- Professor Proton: No. A, a friend would have, would have told me about the elevator.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look at me! I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes!
- Professor Proton: [to Leonard] Is, uh, is he dangerous?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually, he's a genius.
- Sheldon Cooper: I am.
- Professor Proton: Tha-that doesn't answer my question.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Penny] Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. Uh, he demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It was pretty cool.
- Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word 'cool' wrong. Like when kids say 'pasketti'.
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: The interface is pretty simple. You put your horizontal X coordinate here, vertical Y coordinate here and if you're happy with those, you press this button.
- Penny: Got it.
- [the toy missile launcher swivels]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found on li-
- [he is hit in the head by a toy missile]
- Sheldon Cooper: H-Hey!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice shot!
- Penny: Uh, his giant head did most of the work.
- Sheldon Cooper: Very mature! You're lucky I'm out of silly string.
- Sheldon Cooper: I met my childhood hero and I get to ride in an ambulance! If we'd gotten to do that calendar, this would be the best day of my life!
- Professor Proton: Let me get this straight. You two are physicists and you want me to do a children's science show?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes! And if there's time, take twelve photos with us in seasonal clothing.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll do it!
- Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
- Paramedic: No, it's not a rule. He can go.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, yes!
- Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.
- Professor Proton: I hope I haven't kept the kids waiting too long for the show.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no, there are no kids. The show is for me! Come on, I'll race ya! ... Arthur!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do you remember his theme song?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course!
- Leonard Hofstadter, Sheldon Cooper: Grab your goggles, / Put your labcoat on! / Here he comes, / Professor Proton!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, my God, Leonard! He's available for parties and events! We should hire him!
- Leonard Hofstadter: To do what?
- Sheldon Cooper: Whatever we want! Hang out, do experiments, make him shoot twelve pictures with us for a calendar!
- Professor Proton: I just don't want to be Professor Proton any more.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, how can you say that? Professor Proton's the best!
- Professor Proton: What has it ever gotten me? I mean, I'm, I'm an 83-year-old man who has potatoes in his suitcase. Other scientists think, think I'm a joke. And the, the puppeteer who did, who did Geno, well, he also... did my wife.