Rob McElhenney credited as playing...
Mac
- Mac: Hi, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. I like to recommend to our first timers our signature cocktail, Caribbean Paradise. Some people say it's better than busting a nut.
- Customer: Excuse me?
- Mac: Busting a nut. It's like, uh, you know, blowing your load.
- Dennis Reynolds: Oh...
- Mac: He said it was a funny joke.
- Dennis Reynolds: Well, no... hold on.
- Mac: Yeah, it's like coming all over you. It's light, it's playful.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, well, no, I think what my friend is trying to refer to is an orgasm, which is light and playful, but he overstepped himself and got a little bit too specific.
- Mac: Sorry, we jizz in the drink and that's what makes it light.
- Dennis Reynolds: No, no, nobody's jizzing on anything.
- Mac: Well, where do I jizz?
- Dennis Reynolds: You don't jizz.
- Mac: How can, how can I orgasm if I don't jizz?
- Dennis Reynolds: No, ma'am, I think what...
- Mac: Just tell me where I jizz so I can give this lady her drink.
- Dennis Reynolds: Ma'am, what would you like to drink? And we won't jizz on anything.
- Dee Reynolds: Not like Mac's ever had an orgasm.
- Dennis Reynolds: Holy shit, you're late.
- Dennis Reynolds: The customers have to think that you think that you don't want to be together, but you do, deep down, want to be together. The problem is, right now, I'm getting that you guys don't want to be together. I need you to want to be together.
- Dee Reynolds: Ugh.
- Mac: [raises hand] Question.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yes, you're wondering how we're gonna make Dee attractive enough to where you'll want to be with her.
- Mac: Yes.
- Mac: This office sucks.
- Dee Reynolds: It smells bad and it's stuffy in here.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, it's the Restaurant and Bar Association; it's a stuffy organization. They're not in touch with the young people like us.
- Dee Reynolds: Some old boner gives me attitude, I'm gonna spit in his face.
- Dennis Reynolds: If he starts giving me shit, I'll spit at him.
- Mac: We should all spit.
- Frank Reynolds: Look, we're not spitting, all right?