Rachel Tietz: Porn Elf • Audience Member #4 • Benjamin (voice) • ...
Eight Crazy Nights
Nostalgia Critic
Rachel Tietz credited as playing...
Porn Elf • Audience Member #4 • Benjamin (voice) • Rachel • Eight Crazy Nights fucking with Critic (voice)
- Nostalgia Critic: So why didn't they go with her? Well, maybe she wouldn't be nearly as funny being needlessly shoved down a porta-potty and climbing out covered in poo.
- [Happy Madison audience laugh uncontrollably]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, that's right. This is a Happy Madison audience where something they see come out of them every day is suddenly hilarious because it reminds them of something that was scandalous when they were 2 years old. Watch.
- [a pause]
- Nostalgia Critic: Poo!
- [Audience laughs]
- Audience Member #2: [laughing] Oh, poo! Oh, poo!
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, look! He's freezing him to the poo!
- [Audience laughs]
- Audience Member #2: [laughing] Oh, frozen poo! Oh, frozen poo!
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, look! A bunch of deer coming up to lick him out of the poo!
- [Audience laugh even louder]
- Nostalgia Critic: Hey, look! Abbott and Costello are misunderstanding the ballplayer's names and starting positions.
- [Audience falls silent]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, no! They have to think for that! We don't want something smart here! This is a Happy Madison audience!
- Audience Member #4: Where did I come from?
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, no! They're growing intelligent! Show another poop scene! Show another poop scene! Look! The deer's smiling with poop in his teeth!
- [Audience starts laughing again]
- Nostalgia Critic: Now give them your money. They work for seconds to think of this awe-inspiring humor.
- [Audience laugh and start throwing money]
- Audience Member #2: [laughing while throwing money at the Critic] Take it! Take it all!
- Nostalgia Critic: [Bell rings and the caption "Feeding Time" appears] It's feeding time! Who wants White Castle Slider fruit snacks.
- [Audience raise their hands. Critic throws a switch. Fruit snacks begin flying at the audience and they start eating it while making seal sounds. Critic laughs]
- Nostalgia Critic: It's funny because they shouldn't live.
- Nostalgia Critic: Alright, I gotta know.
- [gets up and follows the Eight Crazy Nights poster down the hall, where Rachel stands texting]
- Rachel: Hey, Critic, where are you going?
- Nostalgia Critic: Well, this movie's whored itself out to everybody. Might as well see what it's like.
- [off camera sounds include repeated pounding and the Critic moaning in agony. Glass shatters and the Critic screams]
- Rachel: How was it?
- Nostalgia Critic: Empty, hollow and not over nearly fast enough.
- Rachel: I could've told you that.
- Benjamin: Hey, Awesome Claus, what did you do today?
- Awesome Claus: Well, I made Christmas a whole lot more awesome this year.
- Benjamin: Really? And how did you do that?
- Awesome Claus: Well, I kicked Ron Howard in the balls for making The Grinch, shot at every greedy fuck-ass who went shopping on Thanksgiving night , and produced 8 Hanukkah movies that were actually funny to people who can count past the number 4.
- Benjamin: Wow, I think my balls just grew while talking to you.
- Awesome Claus: It's all part of spending millions of dollars to animate something that actually makes an impact on somebody's life. I'm Awesome Claus.