Patricia Heaton credited as playing...
Frankie Heck
- Frankie Heck: Brick found the book!
- Brick Heck: Oh, not the book. I found these coupons for half-off at The Pie House.
- Frankie Heck: Brick, look at my face. Do you have any sense of how angry I am right now?
- Brick Heck: Nothing pie wouldn't fix.
- Frankie Heck: I will kill you.
- Sue Heck: Okay, uh, no offense, Mom, but Orson is losing its number one Christian role model, and all you can think of is a dumb book.
- Frankie Heck: You have a dad, too. Why don't you tell him about any of this stuff? It wouldn't kill him to listen every once in awhile. Mike.
- Mike Heck: Hey! I listen plenty. But there's only so many hours in a day, and I got to spend most of them at work so I can pay off things like overdue library books. Brick.
- Brick Heck: It's not my fault I can't find the book. I live with the messiest person ever. Axl.
- Axl Heck: Hey, if I'm messy, it's because I'm crammed into half a room instead of having my own room in a mansion that we can't afford 'cause they put all our money into Sue's mouth!
- Sue Heck: Oh! And why do you think I need braces, Axl? It is because you drank all the milk that I was supposed to get to make my teeth strong and healthy. I never got one sip. You just drained Mom dry. That is why I have uncorrectable teeth and Brick is a foot shorter than he should be.
- Axl Heck: No! No! No! D-D-Don't blame that on me. He's short 'cause he's hunched over a book all the time. That's why all his growth spurts are this way.
- [bends horizontally]
- Axl Heck: He keeps going, he's gonna be an "O".
- Brick Heck: Maybe I read all time 'cause Dad never took an interest in me. He's too busy coddling the milk hoarder.
- Frankie Heck: I am not hauling my butt to court to pay some 180-buck fine for a stupid book that you're too lazy to look for. So stop screwing around and find it. You do not want to mess with me. I already have a record, people, I got nothing to lose.
- Frankie Heck: Was it irresponsible of him to lose that book? Yes. But books are his only friends. Tell him, Brick.
- Brick Heck: Well, I have made a few new friends. I mean, they don't invite me to do stuff, but I stand near them and they don't ask me to go away.
- Frankie Heck: Brick, did you learn your lesson?
- Brick Heck: Oh, I-I definitely did. Also, I learned that if my mom ever goes to jail again, I will tell my dad.
- Frankie Heck: My point is the police should be focusing on real crime, and not worrying about some kid's book that none of us can even remember what it's about.
- Judge Stevenson: It says here it's "Stormy Moon", $14.99 from Letter House Books. "The tantalizing tale of a handsome drifter who awakens the sensual desires of a lonely housewife. Stormy never dreamed when Lorenzo rebuilt her gazebo, he would also reignite her passion."
- Frankie Heck: Okay, I'll write you a check. Could you just wait a couple of weeks to cash it?