James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd • Commercial Punk

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

The Angry Video Game Nerd • Commercial Punk

The Angry Video Game Nerd: "You're Winner" is the kind of stuff that turns horrible games into legend. It's the cherry on top the diarrhea shake. It's already been a popular internet meme for many years, but in the packaged version of the game that I own, it's been corrected to "You win." Disappointing, I know.

Commercial Punk: BIG RIGS. Over the Road Racing. Above the road, under the road, who knows? BIG RIIIGS!

The Angry Video Game Nerd: But wait, w-w-wait. Let me comprehend one thing at a time here, alright? First of all, why does the truck go faster in reverse than it does going forward? It seems like it accelerates infinitely. How many times have I rolled the speedometer over? I must be going a thousand miles per hour right now! In reverse! In a big ass truck! I'm so far away, I can't even find my way back to the game. I've never been this far outside the boundaries of a video game. How did they let you do that? Even in the shittiest games I've ever played, even they stop you when you reach the gray wall of nothing. Even LJN games don't do this shit!

The Angry Video Game Nerd: This is not even close to a finished game. If you can call it a game, it's the worst game ever made. And I've played a lot, what is this, Episode 118? So, that is a big statement, but I'm dead fucking serious. It isn't as frustrating as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. No, no, it's not as bad an experience as that, but in terms of functionality, this is an all time low.

The Angry Video Game Nerd: Alright, let's go in reverse.
[He drives in reverse and is shocked to find that he continues to accelerate infinitely. He drives off the map]
The Angry Video Game Nerd: Um... Ladies and gentlemen, the truck has left the game. The game is so fucking bad they programmed a way to escape it! And it's not a secret trick or anything like that. All you have to do is keep driving in one direction and soon enough, you're in Limbo!

Commercial Punk: Hey kids! Strap yourself in for some action-packed racing! It's Big Rigs. 18 wheels of thunder! And we got trucks! Yeah, trucks. Big Rigs. Off-road traction! More power for non-stop driving action!

The Angry Video Game Nerd: The street is always breaking up like the Glitch Gremlin paved over it. Certain light posts are given strange colors that stick out from the rest of the game. The Arc de Triomphe appears twice in a row in a geographically inaccurate area. Trucks are referred to as cars. The Ultranav points you get from crossing checkpoints don't always go in order. I mean what the fuck is Ultranav anyway? The timer goes outside the box, and on top of all that, the box that the game comes in is a complete lie! Never do the police chase after you. Maybe if that was just the front artwork that would be excusable, but the back says "you'll be hauling loads and trying to stay one step ahead of the law." "Deliver your load to its destination." What are they talking about? That never happens! Oh, no, no, I stand corrected. This game delivers a load, alright. Load of fucking shit! I'll deliver a load all over this fucking game! It's not even a game. It doesn't count as a game. If it were a game, you could lose. But you can't! It's nothing but win! "You're winner!" It's like the game feels sorry for you!

The Angry Video Game Nerd: I'm not trying to find glitches. It just so happens the whole game is a glitch. Look at this picture here! The hill turned into nothing! The tail lights are flying off the truck! And the bridge is hovering over thin air! The support beams are so close to touching the ground, but don't.

The Angry Video Game Nerd: By the year 2003, wouldn't there have been some kind of quality control? Even the worst games from the 70's had some playability. I would have assumed that Big Rigs was just some test game. Some kind of demo that a college student made, not an actual game that got sold in stores. I-i-it couldn't have been sold in stores! But apparently, it did. This is the box! It came in a box! And it was rated by the ESRB! Somebody from the ESRB looked at this game and gave it a rating. I know it's not their job to judge the quality of the game, but somebody looked at it and thought "Wow. This is shit. But, 'E'"

Commercial Punk: Engines equipped with quantum phasing molecular mechanics to pass through solid objects so as not to interrupt the racing experience! Nothing stands in your way when you're BIIIIG RIIIIIGS! Rear-spinning tires with warp drive velocity for interdimensional exploring! Leave the game behind and exceed the boundaries of existence!

The Angry Video Game Nerd: Imagine buying this game, thinking it's gonna be a cool racing game, then you bring it home and play it and you get this! It's like a cruel prank! They should've recalled this game and gave out refunds. Imagine advertising this sort of thing. Imagine putting a commercial on TV for this shitload of fuck! I wonder what it would've been like.