Chris Pratt credited as playing...
Peter Quill • Star-Lord
- [Yondu is floating in the air, hanging on his arrow]
- Peter Quill: You look like Mary Poppins.
- Yondu: Is he cool?
- Peter Quill: Hell yeah, he's cool.
- Yondu: I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!
- Rocket: Does anybody have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
- Peter Quill: I don't have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu, do you have any. Ow! Do you have any tape?... Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Ah, never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work... Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any? Nobody has any tape!
- Rocket: Not a single person has tape?
- Peter Quill: Nope!
- Rocket: Did you ask Nebula?
- Peter Quill: Yes!
- Rocket: Are you sure?
- Peter Quill: I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him.
- Rocket: I knew you were lying!
- Peter Quill: You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody's gonna have tape, it's *you*!
- [Baby Groot grabs the device and runs off with it while Rocket's back is turned]
- Rocket: That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
- Peter Quill: You are wasting a lot of time here!
- [Rocket turns around and see that both the bomb and Groot are gone]
- Rocket: [to himself] We're all gonna die.
- Rocket: So, we're saving the galaxy, again?
- Peter Quill: I guess.
- Rocket: Awesome! We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers.
- Peter Quill: Sometimes, the thing you've been looking for your whole life is right there beside you all along.
- Drax: [next to Peter] You're right!
- Peter Quill: Well, you may not be mortal, but me...
- Ego: No, Peter... death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
- Peter Quill: I'm immortal?
- Ego: Mmm-hmm.
- Peter Quill: Really?
- Ego: Yes! As long as the light exists.
- Peter Quill: And, I could use the light to build cool things like, how you made this whole planet?
- Ego: Well, it might take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But, yes!
- Peter Quill: What! This is... Well, get ready for a 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear...
- Ego: You can do anything you want.
- Peter Quill: I'm gonna make some weird shit.
- Peter Quill: What is it?
- Kraglin: It's called a Zune. It's what everybody's listening to on Earth nowadays.
- Ego: Listen to me! You are a god. If you kill me, you'll be just like everybody else!
- Peter Quill: What's so wrong with that?
- Ego: *No*!
- Rocket: You people have issues.
- Peter Quill: Well, of course I have issues. That's my freakin' father!
- Ego: I created what I imagined biological life to be like... down to the most minute detail.
- Drax: Did you make a penis?
- Peter Quill: Dude!
- Gamora: What is wrong with you?
- Drax: If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
- Peter Quill: I don't need to hear how my parents...
- Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
- Peter Quill: That's disgusting.
- Drax: It was beautiful. You earthers have hang-ups.
- Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
- Drax: Ha! Thank you!
- Ego: It's not half bad.
- Peter Quill: I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He's a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me... Yondu didn't have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn't have the beautiful voice of an angel, but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women, and fought robots... I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu.
- [tearing up]
- Peter Quill: I had a pretty cool dad. What I'm trying to say here is... sometimes that *thing* you're searching for your whole life... is right there by your side all along. And you don't even know it.
- Rocket: Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
- Peter Quill: I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
- Rocket: I did it because I wanted to!
- Peter Quill: Dick.
- Rocket: What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
- Drax: How little?
- Rocket: [holding his thumb and forefinger close together] Well, I don't know, like this?
- Gamora: [skeptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
- Rocket: Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
- Peter Quill: It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
- Rocket: *Don't call me a racoon*!
- Peter Quill: I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
- [Rocket looks around in confusion]
- Rocket: Is that better?
- Drax: I don't know.
- Peter Quill: [snickering] It's worse. It's so much worse.
- [from Trailer]
- Mantis: When I touch someone I can feel their feelings.
- [touches Quill's hand]
- Mantis: You feel... love!
- Peter Quill: Yeah, I guess - Yeah, I feel a general unselfish love for everyone.
- Mantis: No. *Sexual* love...
- Peter Quill: No. No, I don't.
- Mantis: [points at Gamora] ... for her!
- Peter Quill: No!
- [Drax begins laughing hysterically]
- Drax: She just told everyone you deepest, darkest secret!
- [Drax continues laughing]
- Peter Quill: Dude! Come on! I think you're reacting a little bit!
- Drax: You must be so embarrassed!
- [continues cracking up]
- Drax: Do me! Do me! Do me!
- Drax: [Looking at Batteries] What are they called again?
- Peter Quill: Anulax batteries.
- Drax: Harbulary batteries.
- Peter Quill: That's nothing like what I just said.
- Peter Quill: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
- Rocket: Oh, it won't be my turd. It'll be Drax's.
- Drax: [laughs] I have famously huge turds.
- Peter Quill: This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
- Gamora: Why would they do that?
- Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
- Rocket: Dude!
- Drax: [awkwardly] Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
- Drax: The beast's hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside. I must cut through it from the inside.
- Gamora: Huh?... No, no! Drax, wait a minute! *Drax*!
- [Drax charges at the monster, and leaps down its throat]
- Peter Quill: [horrified] What is he doing?
- Gamora: He said the skin is too thick to be pierced on the outside. So he...
- Peter Quill: But, that doesn't make any sense!
- Gamora: I tried telling him that!
- Peter Quill: Skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
- Gamora: I *realize* that.
- Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
- Peter Quill: You read minds?
- Mantis: No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.
- Mantis: [to Peter] May I?
- Peter Quill: All right.
- Mantis: [Mantis touches Peter's hand] You feel... love.
- Peter Quill: Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody...
- Mantis: No! Romantic, sexual love.
- Peter Quill: No. No, I don't.
- Mantis: [points to Gamora] For her!
- Peter Quill: No, no. No, I don't.
- Mantis: [points to Gamora] For her.
- Peter Quill: No! That is not...
- [Drax starts laughing hysterically]
- Peter Quill: Okay... That's...
- Drax: [still laughing] She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
- Peter Quill: Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
- Drax: [still laughing] You must be so embarrassed!
- Drax: [to Mantis] Do me! Do me! Do me!
- [Mantis touches Drax and she starts laughing hysterically]
- Mantis: I've never felt such humor!
- Peter Quill: So unbelievably uncool.
- Drax: Oh, Quill...
- [Mantis walks over to Gamora to touch her]
- Gamora: Touch me, and the *only* thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.
- Peter Quill: You said you loved my mother.
- Ego: And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth, well, I'd... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over. So, I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
- Peter Quill: What?
- Ego: Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad...
- [Peter continuously shoots Ego with his Quad Blasters]
- Ego: [reforming] Who... in the *hell*... do you think you are?
- Peter Quill: *You killed my mother*!
- Ego: I tried *so hard* to find the form...
- The Form of David Hasselhoff: [changes form to David Hasselhoff] ... that best *suited you*... and this is the thanks I get?
- Ego: [changes back] You really need to *grow up*.
- [Ego pierces Quill with a beam of energy]
- Ego: I wanted to do this together... but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a *battery*!