Simon Helberg credited as playing...
Cosmé McMoon
- Cosmé McMoon: Mr. Bayfield, I am a serious pianist. I have ambition. I...
- St Clair Bayfield: Oh, you think that I didn't have ambition? I was a good actor. But I was never going to be a great actor. It was very very hard to admit that to myself. But once I had, I felt free from the tyranny of ambition. I started to live. Is ours not a happy world, Cosmé? do we not have fun?
- St Clair Bayfield: Are you fond of sandwiches?
- Cosmé McMoon: Yes.
- St Clair Bayfield: Good, good. Madam Florence is inordinately fond of sandwiches. And potato salad as well. When we throw parties we make mountains of the stuff. It would serve you well to consume both with enthusiasm.
- Cosmé McMoon: I shall.
- Florence Foster Jenkins: Now, I must warn you, I work very hard. I study an hour every day. Sometimes two. And my father didn't leave me as much money as everybody thinks, so I couldn't pay you more than a hundred and fifty.
- Cosmé McMoon: A month?
- Florence Foster Jenkins: A week. I'm not destitute!
- Cosmé McMoon: Oh! I played Carnegie Hall. I... God darn it, Mr. Bayfield, Cosmé McMoon from San Antonio, Texas, played Carnegie Hall.
- St Clair Bayfield: And he was brilliant. Utterly, utterly brilliant.
- Cosmé McMoon: We did it.
- St Clair Bayfield: Yes, I think we did.
- [both laugh and raise their glasses]
- St Clair Bayfield: Mud in your eye.
- Cosmé McMoon: I think Madam Florence might need a little more preparation before she sings in public.
- St Clair Bayfield: Well, we've been rehearsing for a month.
- Cosmé McMoon: I know. But, from time to time, she can be a little...
- St Clair Bayfield: Mm?
- Cosmé McMoon: Flat.
- [chuckles]
- St Clair Bayfield: Flat?
- Cosmé McMoon: A tad. I'm - just a tad.
- St Clair Bayfield: Carlo Edwards didn't mention any flatness and he is the leading vocal coach in the city.
- Cosmé McMoon: Jeez, Mr. Bayfield, we can't be talking about the same singer. I mean, her vocal cords, they don't phonate freely. Her phrasing is haphazard. As for her sub-glottal pressure... it defies medical science.
- Florence Foster Jenkins: He didn't understand about musicians. We'd rather go without bread than Mozart, wouldn't we?
- Cosmé McMoon: It's not even a choice for us.
- Florence Foster Jenkins: You inspire me. I shall write some lyrics for you.
- Cosmé McMoon: Oh... wonderful.
- Florence Foster Jenkins: I got myself a little apartment in Philly and I made a living teaching piano to children. And we'd play The Swan and that was my favorite.
- Cosmé McMoon: Wow. Great story.
- Florence Foster Jenkins: Yeah, it is, isn't it?