- Janine Melnitz: Your father wasn't much of a homemaker. He could barely keep the power on.
- Callie: You're saying he left us nothing?
- Janine Melnitz: Well, I wouldn't say nothing... there is quite a bit of debt.
- Phoebe: Is this safe?
- Grooberson: No, history is safe, geometry is safe, science is nuclear and hydrogen bombs, science is injecting yourself with the plague and trying to find a cure in time.
- Phoebe: Science is reckless.
- Grooberson: Exactly, it's punk rock.
- Peter Venkman: [about to blast Gozer] Okay, on the count of three, go on two. One! Two!
- [the Ghostbusters blast Gozer]
- [telling a bad joke to Gozer to distract her]
- Phoebe: A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "We have a drink named after you!" So the grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
- Peter Venkman: Hi, Pete Venkman from the home office. And you are?
- Callie: Callie. Callie Spengler.
- Peter Venkman: Spengler?
- [Chuckles]
- Peter Venkman: Weird name, good luck with that.
- Grooberson: [on the earthquakes] I've tried triangulating and I can't figure out where they're coming from.
- Phoebe: Did you use three phones?
- Grooberson: Yeah, I know how many sides are on a triangle.
- Phoebe: I know, I just thought you were being obtuse.
- [winks]
- Grooberson: Was that a geometry joke?
- Phoebe: Yes, hence the wink.
- Grooberson: [laughs] That's bad... no, I like it.
- Callie: Let's go. You were supposed to look after her this summer.
- Grooberson: I was?
- Callie: Not you. Him.
- Trevor: This was her idea.
- Phoebe: But what about our stuff? The Ecto-1?
- Sheriff Domingo: Everything will remain nice and safe in our impound locker.
- Phoebe: No! We need it.
- Callie: Phoebe, let's go.
- Phoebe: We caught a ghost tonight.
- Deputy Medjuck: Dirt farmer's family.
- Phoebe: It's true. And there will be more.
- Sheriff Domingo: Hey, kid. You're starting to sound like your lunatic grandfather.
- [the three living Ghostbusters interact with their deceased friend, Egon]
- Peter Venkman: Had a feeling you'd turn up.
- Ray Stantz: I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
- Winston Zeddemore: I should've called. I miss you, my friend.
- [Egon smiles]
- Phoebe: I found this in my living room.
- [Mr. Grooberson picks up the ghost trap]
- Grooberson: Whoa! Killer replica.
- Phoebe: A replica of what?
- Grooberson: A ghost trap.
- Peter Venkman: [archive audio from original film] I believe that everything happens for a reason. Call it fate... call it luck... call it karma...
- Callie: [being cornered by Gozer] Oh, no.
- [Gozer raises its hands and steadily sends lightning toward Callie and Phoebe, but before it reaches them...]
- Peter Venkman: [off-screen] Hey, flat-top!
- [Gozer looks toward the sound of the voice, stopping its attack. Callie and Phoebe look back too as they see Peter Venkman, Ray Stanz, and Winston Zeddemore standing there]
- Peter Venkman: Have you missed us?
- Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian! In the name of the county of Summerville, state of Oklahoma, the US Fish and Wildlife Service, all the members of Ducks Unlimited, the Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons, I command you under the National Invasive Species Act to depart this world immediately.
- Peter Venkman: Bravo.
- [Gozer growls and stares at them malevolently]
- Winston Zeddemore: I think she remembers us.
- Gozer: [approaches them] Are you... a god?
- Winston Zeddemore: [seeing Ray hesitate] Ray?
- Peter Venkman: Oh, come on, Ray.
- Ray Stantz: Yes.
- Winston Zeddemore: Yeah, we're all gods.
- Peter Venkman: Yeah, I mean we're all pretty dang special down here. On a personal note: I thought that we had busted up for good. I mean, it wasn't working for me. My friends didn't think so, and I know yours didn't.
- [Zuul tries to attack, but Gozer signals her to stop]
- Winston Zeddemore: Okay, playtime's over. Let's toast this muffin.
- [they get out their proton-wands]
- Peter Venkman: Light them up.
- [they activate the wands]
- Winston Zeddemore: Man, I love that sound.
- Peter Venkman: On the count of three, go on two. One, two...
- [they open fire on Gozer, restraining it]
- Ray Stantz: Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron volts!
- [they begin to cross the streams and Gozer leans forward in pain]
- Callie: Yes!
- [Gozer grabs hold of the proton streams]
- Winston Zeddemore: Did you feel that?
- Ray Stantz: Yeah.
- Peter Venkman: Uh-oh.
- [Gozer begins to pry the streams apart]
- Ray Stantz: She's uncrossing the streams!
- [Gozer whips the streams back at the Ghostbusters, sending them flying back]
- Callie: No!
- Podcast: Are they dead?
- Ray Stantz: [slowly getting up] I don't remember this job being so painful.
- Winston Zeddemore: I do.
- [telling another bad joke]
- Phoebe: What does a hamster have in common with a cigarette? They're harmless, unless you stick 'em in your mouth and light them on fire.
- Grooberson: [Showing them a video of The Ghostbusters going to battle Gozer] None of this rings a bell?
- Phoebe: It happened 20 years before we were born.
- Podcast: Well, I believe it.
- [Ray Stantz is on the phone with Phoebe, calling from Summerville jail]
- Ray Stantz: Egon Spengler can rot in hell.
- Phoebe: [sadly] He died last week.
- Ray Stantz: [genuinely saddened] Oh, man. No kidding.
- Ray Stantz: Are you all right, son? You just singlehandedly defeated a manifestation of Gozer.
- Podcast: You gotta be on my podcast.
- Ray Stantz: Sure. What's it called?
- Podcast: Mystical Tales of the Unknown Universe.
- Ray Stantz: M.T.U.U., that's you?
- Podcast: Wait. You're my subscriber?
- Ray Stantz: Really found its voice in the 46th episode.
- [second half of post-credit scene with Janine and Winston talking at his office]
- Winston Zeddemore: Egon was the brains. Ray was the heart. Peter just kept it cool.
- Janine Melnitz: Who were you?
- Winston Zeddemore: The sex appeal.
- [both chuckle]
- Janine Melnitz: You've done very well for yourself. A lot of shelf space.
- Winston Zeddemore: [cut-scene of him entering the firehouse] See, that's the thing. I don't do it for me. I do it for my kids, and I wanna be example of what's possible.
- Janine Melnitz: You still covering the rent at Ray's bookshop?
- Winston Zeddemore: Ray's gonna turn a profit one of these days.
- Janine Melnitz: I remember the day you came in.
- Winston Zeddemore: I came in looking for a steady paycheck. But busting ghosts with the guys taught me not to be afraid. That I had the tool and I had the talent. I started this business with one employee. And I've grown it into a thriving global enterprise. I may be a businessman, but I will always be a Ghostbuster.
- [the Ecto-1 pulls into the firehouse, a red light blinks on a panel in the basement]
- [first half of post-credit scene; a deleted scene from the original 1984 film]
- Janine Melnitz: I want you to take this.
- [She hands Egon a coin]
- Dr. Egon Spengler: What is it?
- Janine Melnitz: It's a souvenir from the New York World's Fair in Flushing Meadow in 1964. It's my lucky coin.
- Dr. Egon Spengler: I shouldn't take it. We might not be coming back.
- Janine Melnitz: Take it anyway. I got another one at home.
- [She and Egon embrace]
- Phoebe: Are you sure this is safe?
- Grooberson: History is safe. Geometry, that's safe. Science is all particle accelerators and hydrogen bombs. Science is giving yourself the plague and gambling on the cure. Science is reckless.
- Phoebe: Science is reckless.
- Grooberson: Totally! Yes! It's punk rock. It's a safety pin through the nipple of academia
- Grooberson: [after testing the trap and unleashing a ghost, which damages the cars] We should probably get out of here.
- Phoebe: You're an adult.
- Grooberson: Yeah, and liable.
- Phoebe: Don't you think your father came out here for a reason?
- Callie: No. No. I think he was a sad old man who turned his back on his family, his partners. And for what? For a stupid farm in a town nobody cares about. Where, by the way, everybody thought he was nuts. Yeah, great decision, Dad.
- Phoebe: He was special. He loved science, like me. Why didn't you tell me my grandfather was Egon Spengler?
- Callie: Hey, I'm glad you found yourself here. I really am. But all I see are reminders that I didn't mean a thing to him. He never cared about me.
- Phoebe: He's not nuts.
- Callie: Well, then he's an asshole. Welcome to the family.
- [on Phoebe's lack of social skills]
- Grooberson: [jokingly] Maybe she'll take up pole dancing?
- Callie: She's not that coordinated.
- Grooberson: I don't think that matters.
- [mid-credit scene; Dana is using Peter's old ESP machine with him hooked up]
- Dana Barrett: [she holds up a card with three wavy lines] Tell me what this is.
- Peter Venkman: [concentrating; closes eyes] Lines. Two... no, t-three... wavy lines.
- Dana Barrett: [looks at Peter, looks at card and looks back at him; she turns the card to reveal three wavy lines] That's amazing.
- Peter Venkman: You're amazing with your ability to flood my psychic powers.
- Dana Barrett: [Dana holds up another card] I can't believe you used to shock your students.
- Peter Venkman: Between us, I only zapped the guys.
- [Dana flips a switch and Peter gets a shock]
- Peter Venkman: Aah! It's for science. I know that now. I admit that.
- Dana Barrett: [still holding another card] Ready? Try this one.
- [Peter catches his breath]
- Dana Barrett: Take a moment.
- Peter Venkman: Uh... it's a five-pointed star? Yes?
- Dana Barrett: [smiles] How are you doing that?
- Peter Venkman: Some believe that true love imbues a subject with the ability...
- [Dana shocks him again]
- Dana Barrett: Did you mark the cards?
- Peter Venkman: [chuckling] No.
- Dana Barrett: You did, didn't you?
- Peter Venkman: [pained] Yeah.
- [Peter gets shocked again]
- Peter Venkman: Aaaah!
- Dana Barrett: Works well.
- Callie: I'm sorry the night went sideways.
- Grooberson: No. I-I- had a blast. Why don't we just pick it up tomorrow night, same time.
- Callie: You really want more of this?
- Grooberson: Are you kidding me? We had kung pao shrimp. We went to jail. I don't know how we're gonna top this. This is a home run.
- Callie: Um, my life is a dumpster fire.
- Grooberson: I love dumpster fires. You should see my apartment.
- Trevor: At least we're only here for a week.
- Callie: Give or take.
- Trevor: What's that mean?
- Callie: We're living here now.
- Trevor: You said it would only be a week!
- Callie: That was before we got evicted.
- Trevor: You said you had money saved up!
- Callie: That was before I had children.
- Phoebe: To be fair, you've never been good with money.
- Phoebe: What does the name Ivo Shandor mean to you guys?
- Lucky: Ivo Shandor? He built this whole town. He built the mind, foundry, the school, library. His name is on everything.
- Trevor: That's tacky.
- Phoebe: In New York, he created an apartment building made out of selenium girders, mined from right here. On that same rooftop is where our grandfather fought to keep a horde of ghosts from entering our dimension.
- Trevor: Phoebe, what exactly is happening here?
- Phoebe: I can only think of one way for us to find out.
- Phoebe: Well, what about Egon?
- Ray Stantz: Well, he wasn't helping. We went from ten calls a week to one if we were lucky. Egon started to tell people that their little ghost problems didn't matter because the world was coming to an end. He got spooky. Freaked me out. One morning, I go to work and Ecto-1, our old Cadillac, is gone, his neutrona throwers, collider pack, all the traps, 16 ounces of fuel isotope, all gone! He cleaned us out. Now we were the dead ones.
- Phoebe: Don't you think might've had a reason?
- Ray Stantz: He phoned me about ten years later, some small town in Oklahoma. He kept rambling on about "the rising storm" and "the huge psychic tornado" that was gonna "consume humanity in darkness forever." And, kid, I wanted to believe.
- Phoebe: You don't understand. There is this mountain and it has these ancient carvings...
- Ray Stantz: Kid, kid, kid, there are a lot of mountains up there with ancient carvings. Take a little advice. Don't go chasing ghosts.
- Phoebe: Egon Spengler was my grandfather.