Hanna Alström credited as playing...
Princess Tilde
- Princess Tilde: Well, if you save the world, you know what that means.
- Eggsy: [Knowing smile] Yeah, all right.
- [Eggsy emerges out of the sewers back to his house]
- Eggsy: Babe! I'm home!
- Princess Tilde: I'm here.
- [Princess Tilde sees Eggsy all covered in raw sewage]
- Princess Tilde: What the hell happened?
- Eggsy: [approaching Princess Tilde] It's a long story that deserves a kiss.
- Princess Tilde: [backing up] Not even JB would kiss you right now.
- [JB looks at Eggsy, then tilts his head to the floor]
- Eggsy: If you really love me, just one little kiss.
- [pause, then Princess Tilde closes her eyes and prepares to kiss Eggsy. He suddenly backs up]
- Eggsy: You were really gonna do it?
- Princess Tilde: Yeah.
- Eggsy: Now that is true love right there. Amazing. I'm gonna go get changed.
- [Eggsy prepares to leave the house]
- Princess Tilde: Eggsy, I hope you're hungry.
- [Eggsy sees that Princess Tilde has prepared breakfast]
- Eggsy: Oh, babe, I was gonna grab breakfast at work. This looks lovely, but I'm running late.
- Princess Tilde: I just thought maybe we could practice? For tonight.
- Eggsy: Practice?
- Princess Tilde: Mm-hmm.
- Eggsy: Eating?
- Princess Tilde: You said you've never eaten at a palace before. And Pappa is sort of picky about table manners.
- Eggsy: Well, as it happens, babe, I've got this shit on lock. I know what every single one of them knives and forks is for.
- [Eggsy recalls his dining etiquette training with Harry]
- Harry Hart: This is a butter knife. It's the only one you need to remember; the rest of the cutlery is easy. You start from the outside, and you work your way in with each course.
- [Harry notices the way Eggsy is holding the knife]
- Harry Hart: And never let anyone describe you as 'H.K.L.P.'
- Eggsy: What is that?
- Harry Hart: 'Holds knife like pen.' A habit erroneously described to be upper class dining etiquette.
- [shows the proper way to hold the knife]
- Harry Hart: It is quite the opposite.
- [Harry points at the glasses]
- Harry Hart: White wine, pudding wine, red wine, water, and pop. Or whatever tipple takes your fancy.
- [Harry opens the soup bowl. Eggsy pours some soup on his bowl]
- Eggsy: Am I supposed to wait for everyone else to be served before I start eating?
- Harry Hart: Only if the dish being served is cold, or if the Queen is present. Otherwise, tuck in.
- [back to present]
- Eggsy: Got to be honest... never really thought that royalty bit would be relevant. Harry would've been chuffed.
- Princess Tilde: Oh. I wish I could've met him.
- [pause, before Eggsy turns around to face Harry's preserved dog]
- Eggsy: You miss him too, don't you, Mr. Pickle? Mmm?
- [pause, then Eggsy turns back to Princess Tilde]
- Eggsy: Mr. Pickle says, 'Yeah'.
- [JB barks while scratching a door in Eggsy's house]
- Brandon: Come on, JB. Give it a rest, mate. Stop scratching the door. I'm gonna get the blame now.
- [Brandon opens the door]
- Brandon: There you are. Happy?
- [as JB goes to his bed, Brandon notices the study room decorated with only three front cover pages of The Sun. He sits down on the desk]
- Brandon: With the decks and all that.
- [Brandon presses a button on the DJ mixer, which opens a secret weapons compartment on the wall]
- Brandon: Shit, boy! What the...
- [Brandon gets up and looks at the weapons and accessories. He gets a pair of glasses and a cigarette lighter before returning to the desk and putting on the glasses]
- Brandon: Do you reckon, JB, model material?
- [the glasses activate, showing Brandon the live feed on Eggsy's dinner with the Swedish Royal Family]
- The King of Sweden: I must say, you're really not as I expected.
- Eggsy: Well, thank you very much, Your Majesty.
- Brandon: Eggsy, is that you, mate? What the fuck is going on here? You a gangster now or something? Fucking hell. Is that Tilde's mom and dad's house? Tell you what, whatever you're doing, I want in.
- [Brandon gets a cigarette and opens the lighter, unknowingly activating the grenade charge. Eggsy warns Brandon, unaware that he's also pointing at the King]
- Eggsy: Put it down!
- [confused look in the King's face]
- The King of Sweden: Why?
- [meanwhile, Brandon wonders why the lighter is beeping and blinking red]
- Brandon: What's this?
- Eggsy: I said, put it down now!
- The King of Sweden: What's wrong with it?
- Eggsy: Shut it! Fucking shut it!
- Princess Tilde: Eggsy.
- The Queen of Sweden: I beg your pardon.
- Eggsy: Shut it! Shut it now!
- [Brandon closes the lighter]
- Brandon: All right, mate. Chill your boots.
- Princess Tilde: Eggsy, what...
- [Eggsy realizes the confusion caused by his online argument]
- Eggsy: Oh, no. Oh my God, no. I'm so sorry.
- [JB starts to bark all of a sudden]
- Brandon: You shut up and all. You got me in enough trouble.
- [JB continues to bark until a missile suddenly hits the house, to the shock in Eggsy's face]
- [Eggsy calls Princess Tilde on FaceTime]
- Princess Tilde: Hey.
- Eggsy: Hi, babe. Uh, bit of a nightmare. I've got to sleep with a target, but I won't do it unless you agree that it's all right.
- Princess Tilde: You've got to be fucking kidding. What was I? Target practice?
- Eggsy: Babe, surely it's better that I'm honest with you rather than me doing it and not telling you. Kind of got a bit of a 'save the world' situation here.
- Princess Tilde: How the fuck is screwing someone gonna save the world?
- Eggsy: Well, it's a bit complicated, but trust me, I would not be doing it if I didn't have to.
- [pause]
- Eggsy: Babe, please believe me. I love you. You are the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with.
- Princess Tilde: Is that a proposal?
- [nervous look on Eggsy's face]
- Eggsy: Um...
- Princess Tilde: Because I think I'd give you my permission. Having that security, knowing that we were committed, in that context, yeah. Yeah, I'd feel different.
- Eggsy: Right. Well, I mean... I want to be with you. But being a public figure, babe, like a prince... it's a bit of a factor, you know, what with my job and stuff.
- [Princess Tilde turns away]
- Eggsy: Oh, no, no, no, come on. Okay. Uh, look, we need to talk about this properly. Just give me five minutes, okay?
- Princess Tilde: Don't put yourself down, Eggsy. I'm sure you can last longer than that.