- Kevin Keller: [upon finding out about Betty's plans with Trev] Does Mama Cooper know about that?
- Betty Cooper: Kev, I'm not on house arrest.
- [reacting to Kevin's look of disbelief:]
- Betty Cooper: Okay, she's out of town at a Women in Journalism spa retreat. Anyway, it's not a DATE date.
- Jughead Jones: You just called it a date. You literally said it's a date.
- Betty Cooper: That's just my cover. Really, it's an intelligence-gathering mission.
- [first lines]
- Jughead Jones: [narrating voice over] Every town has one. The spooky house that all the kids avoid. Ours was Thornhill, the Blossom family's mansion, with its very own graveyard. And, trapped within its walls like some gothic heroine, was Cheryl Blossom. Still grieving for her beloved brother, Jason. Linked in death even as they were in life.
- Jughead Jones: [Betty is dressed for the funeral, surveying herself in the mirror as she lets her hair down when Jughead enters her room] Ready to enter the belly of the beast?
- [she chuckles at the sight of him in a suit, still wearing his trademark beanie]
- Jughead Jones: Mm. It was the best I could do.
- [grins as he looks at her, looking kind of cute, sort of]
- Valerie Brown: [to Archie] I know Miss Grundy was tutoring you...
- Veronica Lodge: Understatement of the year.
- Veronica Lodge: [at funeral] Days like today really put things in perspective, huh? I mean, at least we're here. At least we're alive.
- Penelope Blossom: [after Cliff inquired from Veronica about how Hiram was doing] There are worse things than prison.
- Cheryl Blossom: Like this dinner party.
- Penelope Blossom: [sharply] What did you say?
- [Cheryl's quiet]
- Penelope Blossom: Mm.
- Cliff Blossom: [to Veronica] That must have been... hard for you... Watching your father being handcuffed and dragged out of your home in front of you and your neighbors, all of those reporters...
- [uneasy silence all around the dinner table]
- Veronica Lodge: Worst part is how fast it happened. He was just... gone. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. That's why I think it's so great, you all getting a chance to say goodbye to Jason tomorrow...
- Cheryl Blossom: Not all of us.
- Penelope Blossom: That's because some people already got the chance to say goodbye to Jason... while rowing him across the river... to his death.
- Cheryl Blossom: Sorry to interrupt sad Breakfast Club, but I'm here to formally invite you to Jason's memorial at Thornhill this weekend.
- [hands invitation to Veronica:]
- Cheryl Blossom: To my surprise and chagrin, Mother added you to the guest list. In case you're tempted to steal our silver candlesticks, don't. We'll be searching bags.
- [goes off]
- Betty Cooper: [sympathetic] Hey, try to remember she is burying her brother.