Nathan Fillion credited as playing...
Jacques Snicket
- Olivia Caliban: What was the poem? The one that you memorised on your way to VFD headquarters.
- [Jacques gets out a notebook]
- Olivia Caliban: [reading from the notebook] "When you drive away in secret, you'll be a volunteer."
- Jacques Snicket: "So don't scream when we take you..."
- Olivia Caliban, Jacques Snicket: "The world is quiet here."
- Count Olaf: Poetry? You'll stop at nothing to make me talk.
- Mr. Poe: Sir, in the name of the law, would you please expose your left ankle to the crowd?
- Jacques Snicket: Little racy for a family show, but sure.
- Olivia Caliban: He just made a left-hand turn without signalling.
- Jacques Snicket: That man's villainy knows no bounds!
- Count Olaf: I'd offer you tea but they're all sweet and fruity.
- Jacques Snicket: Sweet and fruity doesn't count as tea and your scheme is equally dismissable.
- Count Olaf: You're that school librarian!
- Olivia Caliban: That was a long time ago.
- Count Olaf: Er, it wasn't that long ago. It was actually just, like, a few...
- Jacques Snicket: [interrupting] The jig is up, Olaf!
- Count Olaf: Welcome to the Firehouse Saloon, folks! I have extremely pricey beverages, which ya hafta pay cash fer.
- Jacques Snicket: I'll take a tall glass of justice on the rocks. With a garnish of your-wicked-schemes-stop-here.
- Count Olaf: [turning to face him] We're all out. But I can pour you a double shot of you'll-never-take-me-alive.