Charlie Day: Luigi

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Luigi

Bowser: What is your name?
Luigi: Uh, Luigi.
Bowser: Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world.
Luigi: [Chuckles nervously] Wow, uh... yay.
Bowser: But, there's one problem, Luigi. There's a human traveling with my fiancée, has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him?
Luigi: No. No!
Bowser: Ah, a tough one, I see. Maybe this will get you to talk.
[begins to grab a piece of his mustache]
Luigi: You think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because, I don't.
[Bowser plucks a piece of Luigi's mustache off and he screams]
Bowser: [Grabs Luigi and his mustache, yelling] DO YOU KNOW HIM?
Luigi: Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Yes, I know him! I know him! He's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world!
Bowser: DO PRINCESSES FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE?
Luigi: THEY DO IF THEY HAVE GOOD TASTE!
[Bowser rips Luigi's mustache off in fury, causing him to scream in pain]
Bowser: GET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT!
[throws Luigi on the ground]
Bowser: WE'LL SEE HOW TOUGH THIS MARIO IS WHEN HE WATCHES ME KILL HIS BROTHER!

Spike: Well, well, well! If it isn't Brooklyn's favorite failures, the Stupid Mario Bros.!
Luigi: Oh, great. Spike's here.
Mario: [Sarcastically] Hey, Spike.
Spike: Yeah.
[Imitates Mario]
Spike: "It's-a me!"
[laughs]
Spike: Tell me, have you even gotten one call since you left me to start your dumb company?
Luigi: As a matter of fact, Spike, we have.
Mario: [to Luigi] Wow, really?
Luigi: Yeah! Our mom called. She said "Aw boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!" And I said "Thank you very much mother, we're very proud of it!" So BOOM!
[accidentally drops his phone to the ground, breaking it]
Spike: [laughs] Good luck running a business with this idiot.
[throws a napkin at Luigi, but Mario swiftly catches it]
Mario: [Angrily] Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it.
[throws the napkin back at Spike]
Spike: [gets up and grabs Mario by his overalls] Oh, yeah? Get this through your tiny brain, Mario. You're a joke. And you always will be.
[drops Mario, chuckles and leaves]
Luigi: Are you insane? He's three times your size!
Mario: Luigi, come on! You know, you can't be scared all the time.
Luigi: Mmm, you'd be surprised.

Mario: [Luigi uses a sewer lid to protect Mario from Bowser's Fire Breath. Mario is in awe of Luigi's bravery] Lu!
Luigi: Nothing can hurt us as long as we're together.