Jessi Klein credited as playing...
Jessi Glaser
- Nick Birch: What's up, chicken butt?
- Jessi Glaser: Nothing, just, you know, my parents are officially the worst. Oh, here's a cool tidbit, my dad smokes weed all the time.
- Nick Birch: Well, your mom's not perfect either.
- Jessi Glaser: What?
- Nick Birch: Nothing.
- Jessi Glaser: That's a very weird thing to say.
- Nick Birch: Ye... yeah, you're right. I mean, don't even listen to me. I don't even know what I'm talking about.
- Jessi Glaser: No, why did you say that?
- Nick Birch: Why did I say what?
- Jessi Glaser: Tell me. Tell me, Nick.
- Nick Birch: [sighs] When Andrew and I were in the city, we saw this hat and then it kissed your mom, and then the hat was a woman.
- Jessi Glaser: What?
- Nick Birch: I couldn't be clearer, Jessi. Your mom kissed a woman and the woman wasn't your dad.
- Jessi Glaser: Are you serious?
- Nick Birch: I'm sorry.
- [Cries]
- Nick Birch: I'm so sorry, Jessi.
- Jessi Glaser: Wait a minute, you guys went to the city, like, two weeks ago.
- Nick Birch: Who's keeping calendar?
- Jessi Glaser: I am keeping calendar! You never told me you saw my mom cheating on my dad? You suck!
- Nick Birch: [Groans] I'm sorry, Jessi.
- Jessi Glaser: You are a bad friend!
- [Walks off]
- Nick Birch: Oh, fuck. Me and my big mouth.
- [Burps]
- Nick Birch: Big Mouth, that's the show, that's the show.
- Jay Bilzerian: Jessi.
- [Chuckles]
- Jay Bilzerian: What a sexy coincidence.
- Jessi Glaser: Not now, Jay, I'm having a shitty night, okay?
- Jay Bilzerian: Perchance I can offer you an elixir to ease your troubles, Party Wolf?
- Jessi Glaser: [Reading bottle] "Cotton candy brandy, made for kids by kids, please help." Christ, where did this come from?
- Jay Bilzerian: Bangkok. A children's prison, actually.
- Jessi Glaser: Ugh!
- Jay Bilzerian: What?
- Jessi Glaser: You're the worst.
- Jay Bilzerian: It's not like they make it anymore, Jessi. The jail burned down.