Joel Hatch credited as playing...
Claude Elliott and others
- Bob and others: Watching the news all day, some of us are starting to lose it. So these people here, they decide to have a big cookout for the whole community, just trying to get our minds off of everything. And Derm, the mayor of Appleton, says to me...
- Claude Elliott and others: Right, my son, do me a favor and start to round up some grills.
- Bob and others: Round up some grills?
- Claude Elliott and others: Yeah. Just go to people's yards and take their grill.
- Bob and others: Take their grill? Someone's gonna shoot me!
- Claude Elliott and others: No, no, no, no, no, no. Just go to people's yards and grab their grill.
- Bob and others: So I'm going from yard to yard, and the whole time I keep thinking 'Someone's gonna shoot me in the back.'
- Doug, Nick Marson and others: Hello there. You taking my barbecue?
- Bob and others: ... this is your barbecue?
- Doug, Nick Marson and others: Yeah, buddy.
- Bob and others: Listen, I am so sorry...
- Doug, Nick Marson and others: The wife's got the kettle on, if you want a cuppa.
- Bob and others: I get offered a cup of tea in every single backyard. And most of 'em offer to help me steal their own barbecues. We bring them all over to the community center, no names on 'em, I don't know how they ever get 'em back! But that's how we have a big cookout, completely free. After that, I stop worrying so much about my wallet.
- Bob and others: We try to give 'em money, but they won't take it.
- Claude Elliott and others: No, m'son, you would've done the same.
- Bob and others: I drank all your whiskey!
- Claude Elliott and others: I would've done the same.
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: It's hot outside, so we stay in the bar and make small talk with Matty, the owner, and his wife, Brenda.
- Ali, Kevin Jung and others: But we're not sure how much to say. You just don't know where the red states are in a foreign country, right?
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: But we had been drinking all afternoon and I accidentally say something like Kevin and I have been together for almost five years.
- Ali, Kevin Jung and others: In business. We've been together in business. I'm his sexy-tary. Secretary!
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: [pause] It feels like the entire bar goes silent.
- Ali, Kevin Jung and others: I'm like, oh God.
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: And then Matty says...
- Oz Fudge and others: You're... gay?
- Ali, Kevin Jung and others: I'm about to pass out.
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: But then Matty says...
- Oz Fudge and others: Well praise be to God. My daughter's gay.
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: And then Brenda says...
- Diane Gray and others: Sure, my sister's gay. And the woman across the road just ran off with her best friend.
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: And then Brenda's brother says...
- Claude Elliott and others: Our uncle is 68 years old, and he just told us he's a bixsexual.
- Garth, Kevin Tuerff and others: [pause] We somehow ended up in the gayest town in Newfoundland. Kevin and I are looking at each other; I even think I say, There must be something in the water. And then Brenda's brother says...
- Claude Elliott and others: That's why I only drink the beer.
- Oz Fudge and others: There's a man here in town; he's lived here nearly his entire life. He heard that there was a rabbi diverted here, and he came to find me and tell me his story.
- Claude Elliott and others: I was born in Poland, I think, and my parents... they were Jews. They sent me here before the war started; I still remember some of the prayers they taught me. As a boy, I was told I should never tell anyone I was Jewish, even my wife. But after what happened on Tuesday... so many stories gone, just like that... I needed to tell someone.
- Claude Elliott and others: What's the point of an emergency if no one treats it like an effing emergency? And you can quote me on that.
- Claude Elliott and others: Where you 'longs to, Janet?
- Janice Mosher and others: Port aux Basques. So if you see me running red lights or anything, just forgive me because we don't have stoplights over there.
- Doug, Nick Marson and others: Why are they sending them here? Why not Toronto or Ottawa?
- Claude Elliott and others: Because if anything goes wrong, we have a lot less people to lose.
- Bob and others: People are saying 'We want you to come to our house,' and I think, what's up with this? I mean, are they charging for these 'free' showers? Or are they gonna go all Norman Bates? Anyway, I wasn't falling for it. But finally, I'm invited back to the mayor of Appleton's house. That sounds fancy. But it's not. There's a mayor for every town of 1000 people in Newfoundland. There's the mayor of Gander, the mayor of Lewisport, there's the mayor of Gambo. Anyway, I'm staying with the mayor of Appleton.
- Claude Elliott and others: Come on in, son, the Irish whiskey in the bar downstairs.
- Bob and others: His wife shows me where the bedroom is and where the shower is, and through it all I just keep thinking 'Where am I gonna leave my wallet? Somebody's gonna steal my wallet.'