Himesh Patel credited as playing...
Jack Malik
- Ellie Appleton: Miracles happen all the time!
- Jack Malik: Like what?
- Ellie Appleton: Benedict Cumberbatch becoming a sex symbol!
- Jack Malik: It's times like this I wish I hadn't given up smoking. I could murder for a cigarette.
- Rocky: Yeah. What's a cigarette?
- Jack Malik: [after Ed's asked Jack to be his opening act] Um, how long do you need?
- Ed Sheeran: About thirty minutes maximum. Any more than that, people start getting a bit restless. You know, "Bring on the ginger geezer."
- [addressing the Wembley Stadium crowd; referring to the giant screen on the stadium showing Ellie]
- Jack Malik: This is Ellie. And when I had no fans, Ellie was my only fan. The only person in the world who believed in me. And that's why, tonight, I asked Ed if I could come on and play, because I want to tell her, and you, what I've done. Darn it, Ellie, I've been untrue. All the songs I've sung tonight were really written and performed by four men called John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr. The Beatles. They were the real geniuses. Me, I'm just a sort of go-between to, well, get their astonishing stuff into the world. And, uh, I passed their amazing work off as my own, so I could look like I was amazing too.
- [the crowd starts jeering]
- Jack Malik: I want you all to know that I'm not going to take any money for this work that isn't mine. So you can have all the songs for free. Rocky, do it.
- Rocky: Right. Here goes.
- [he upload the songs for free to the internet]
- Jack Malik: They're being released, for free, online now. And I'd love to not take any more praise for it. So, um, I'm so sorry.
- Jack Malik: [referring to his friends not knowing The Beatles] Wow, this is the most complicated joke I've ever heard.
- Nick: Nice song, though.
- Jack Malik: It's not a nice song.
- Nick: No, it is, mate. Don't do yourself down just because you look like a cartoon character. It's a very nice song.
- Jack Malik: It's not a very nice song, Nick. It's one of the greatest songs ever written.
- Carol: Well, it's not Coldplay. It's not Fix You.
- Jack Malik: It's not bloody Fix You, Carol, it's a great, great work of art.
- Carol: Wow, somebody's suddenly got very cocky.
- Ellie Appleton: How did I get in the wrong column? How did I get in the "friend, manager, roadie" column, inst...... instead of the "And I Love Her" column?
- Jack Malik: Oh, god. There's definitely columns?
- Ellie Appleton: Well, a girl can certainly tell the difference.
- Debra Hammer: What does Liverpool have that L.A. doesn't?
- Jack Malik: Mo Salah, Cilla Black, mushy peas, rain.
- Jack Malik: Do you reckon you could, like, make 'em look, you know, better than before? It's just, I'm hoping to relaunch my music thing.
- Marcus The Dentist: I'm a dentist, Jack, not a magician. Let's try the red. Your dad was my first-ever patient. I only survived because of people like him. That's right. I only coped - clamp - with a little help from my friends.
- Jack Malik: Look, I can't be the star that we thought I could be at fourteen, on that day in the school hall when I sang a pretty cool cover of Wonderwall, and you were there, backstage.
- Ellie Appleton: I'm not hearing a word.
- Jack Malik: Okay, but look, this was my last gig. And I'm so happy you were there. This is the end of our long and winding road.
- Jack Malik: A great guitar requires a great song.
- [singing]
- Jack Malik: Yesterday, All my troubles seemed so far away, Now it seems as though they're here to stay, Oh, I believe in yesterday...
- Ellie Appleton: Oh, my God, you just - you touched my bottom. You've never done that before.
- Jack Malik: Well, I imagine we're gonna have to do a lot of things we've never done before.
- Ed Sheeran: I do have a suggestion though. Um, about the song. The title, Hey Jude. Jude is just, it's a bit old fashioned. That was the kid's name, right?
- Jack Malik: What kid?
- Ed Sheeran: That the song's about.
- Jack Malik: Oh, the kid, the kid, the kid. Yes, the sad kid.
- Ed Sheeran: Now, let me just give you this advice, right? Song title. I won't charge you a penny for it as well. Hey Dude.
- Jack Malik: Thanks for taking such good care of me.
- Ellie Appleton: You're welcome. I'll come back later.
- Jack Malik: Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?
- Ellie Appleton: I don't know. I'll think about it. Why 64?
- Jack Malik: What do you mean?
- Ellie Appleton: It's just - oh, forget it.
- Jack Malik: I didn't ask to be The Beatles, you know, I just wanted once to have a standing ovation not given by people who were already standing at the bar.
- Ellie Appleton: Be the what?
- Ed Sheeran: I'm sorry to barge in like this.
- Jack Malik: No, no, uh, major pop stars are always dropping around, you know? Lady Gaga won't leave us alone.
- Ed Sheeran: [laughs] You're funny.
- Jack Malik: Ah! Funny looking at least.
- Ellie Appleton: [after Jack sings Yesterday to Ellie and his friends] What the hell was that?
- Jack Malik: Yesterday.
- Carol: That was one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
- Rocky: Yeah. I mean, it's a bit-bit sloppy, but it's sweet.
- Ellie Appleton: When did you write that?
- Jack Malik: I didn't write it. Paul McCartney wrote it, The Beatles.
- Carol: Who?
- Jack Malik: The Beatles.
- Carol: The what?
- Jack Malik: John, Paul, George and Ringo, The Beatles.
- Rocky: Which beetles is this? The insect beetles or the car Beetles?
- Jack Malik: The pop group Beatles.
- Jack Malik: So how long you been back in Suffolk?
- Rocky: Well, I'm trying to live outside the traditional concept of time. So, could be weeks, could me months, could be a year and a half, no idea.