Thomas Sanders: Logan 'Logic' • Roman 'Creativity' • Patton 'Morality' • ...
Crofter's: The Musical
Sanders Sides
Thomas Sanders credited as playing...
Logan 'Logic' • Roman 'Creativity' • Patton 'Morality' • Virgil 'Anxiety' • Thomas
- Thomas: [serious voice] Now, easy, guys. I know you two must be excited, but I don't think I can handle a musical Sanders Sides right after the last video...
- Thomas: [inhales, then excited and happy voice] I wouldn't wanna *spread* myself too thin!
- Thomas: [giggles] Right? Like you spread jelly?
- Roman: [serious voice] Now, Thomas, I do appreciate the play on words, truly I do. But do not fear...
- Roman: [pulling up a toast and spreading some jelly on it] It's *smear*-ly a little jingle!
- Thomas: [giggling] Oooh, you tricky minx!
- Logan: [slightly frowning] Roman, I love Crofter's, but the idea... of a musical ditty... dedicated entirely to a partnership with them...
- [Logan pauses, Roman looks at him cringing a little bit in anticipation]
- Logan: [overly excited, squealing] ... is an idea that I love possibly even more!
- Roman: [takes a deep breath with a happy face as if about to yell, then with a tiny little voice] Yay...
- Thomas: [singing] We made a partnership with Crofter's. We heard a roar across the border that we think came from their bear. We believe it meant to extend us an offer...
- Roman: [singing] ... for which I plan to make a jam that is as tasty as theirs!
- Logan: [speaking] So... let me get this straight...
- Roman: Good luck with that!
- Logan: There was no email exchange between our team and the people with Crofter's Organic?
- Thomas: No.
- Logan: A roar, as you described it, was heard and interpreted as a partnership offer that is believed to have been made by Crofter's bear mascot all the way from Ontario, Canada?
- Thomas: [smiling] Sure!
- Logan: [Logan pauses, then breaking the fourth wall, talking directly to the camera] That makes perfect sense!
- Thomas: [singing] But the greatest thing is yet to be revealed... Guys, I cannot believe this is rea...
- Thomas: [he pulls out a jar of Crofter's, but it slips from his hand and falls, he tries to catch it, yelling] Oh, sh...!
- Thomas: [the word is bleeped out. Then leaning down off screen, screaming and whining] Oh, my gosh, it's all gone! It's ruined! It's ruiii...!
- Thomas: [normal voice] ... Oh, no, it's totally fine. Okay, you guys ready? Five... six... seven...
- Thomas: [singing, pulling out the jar of Crofter's] Guys, I cannot believe this is real!
- [close-up to the Crofter's jar. It reads "Logan's Berry" and has a drawing of Logan featured on it. Logan gasps loudly]
- Roman: Logan's Berry?
- [Thomas gives the jar to Logan, who is too overwhelmed to react. He stutters, until the emotion is too much and he faints, falling on his back to the ground]
- Roman: [squealing in anger] Why is it just Logan's Berry? I like Crofter's too!
- Logan: [recovering and getting up] I... am going to flip... my lid...
- [Logan opens the jar with a finger, the lid jumps and hits Thomas loudly in the forehead]
- Thomas: [in pain, covering his forehead with both hands] Aw! Sh...!
- [the word is bleeped out]
- Thomas: [to Roman] Are you okay?
- Roman: [sighs] I can't help but wonder if we as a society are past the days of celebrating dashing princes and acts of bravery... that are edging on stupidity.
- Thomas: What do you mean?
- Roman: I am not blind to the reality that Logan has steadily grown more popular than me! He's a teacher! I'm a prince! But look at him now!
- [Logan is furiously and noisily swallowing jelly]
- Roman: He's just so cool! In a way that I don't understand.
- Thomas: Aw, Roman... We were really just trying to promote a jelly here. I didn't... really plan on any heavy character development.
- Roman: Ugh... I... I don't know. It just came up organically...
- Roman: [suddenly smiling] Organically? Like Crofter's Organic? Another pun?
- Roman: [smile fades away] Excuse me...
- Roman: [turning back, talking to himself] Roman, you dunce! You made a joke and now they'll think that everything is fine!
- Thomas: Roman?
- Roman: [turning front, with over the top voice] Mmm? Oh, yes! Are we still doing a video?
- Thomas: Yeah... You... You know that. You didn't, like, sink out or anything.
- Roman: [with an over the top smile but sad eyes] You're... right... I... I did know that...
- Thomas: Listen, bud, something that might cheer you up, that hopefully Crofter's won't mind me saying, is that if Logan's Berries, however you say that plural, if they sell well... then maybe, no promises, but *maybe*, you'll get your own flavor.
- Roman: [hysterical quick squealing and yelling] Everybody go out there right now and buy Logan's Berry jam, go to logansberry dot com, please support it, please, please, please, please, please, please! Guys, it's a guarantee! I'll get my own flavor!
- Thomas: No! No, it's... it's a maybe!
- Roman: [already with a jar and a spoonful of Crofter's] It's so good, you guys!
- Roman: [eating the spoonful, then with his mouth full] It... It's so goo...
- Roman: [Roman stops and tastes the jelly] Say, that is a pretty flippin' finger-lickin' fruit spread!
- Thomas: [smiling] Oh, you like it?
- Roman: Like it?
- Roman: [louder] Like it?
- Roman: [yelling] Like it!
- Roman: [screeching] Like iiiiiiit?
- Roman: [suddenly switching back to singing] This is Crofter's...
- Thomas, Logan: [harmonizing in chorus] This is Crofter's...
- Roman: [singing] We're talking Crofter's...
- Thomas: [chorus singing] Sweet, sweet Crofer's...
- Roman: [singing] I mean, this jelly might as well be gold! It's all that I opt for!
- Logan: [singing] Cause Crofter's is the only jelly I'll put in my...
- Logan: [long 30 second riffing with Thomas and Roman doing chorus] ... bellyyyyy...
- Thomas, Roman, Logan: [singing] The only jelly I'll put in my belly!
- Roman: [music stops, Roman riffs alone] Crofteeer's
- Roman: [realizing the song has ended] Are... are we done? We're done?
- Thomas: So... uh... yes. Do you like it?
- Roman: [while sinking down] Oh... yeah, yeah.
- Thomas: [happy] Oh good! Logan, how abou...
- Logan: [Logan is sucking loudly from the jar until he does a pop sound when pulling his mouth out, his whole mouth is covered with jelly] Yes, it is adequate.
- [while sinking down]
- Logan: Now, if you excuse me, I have some important biscuits... I mean bussiness to attend to.
- Roman: Wow, this video was jammed-packed with jelly puns!
- Thomas: Yeah, even Logan made a few! It was kind of jarring!
- Logan: Crofter's brings out something different in me. Puns are like my figurative forbidden fruit... spread.
- Thomas: Okay, there you go, he's still doing it.
- Roman: I don't mean to jelly-fish for compliments, but I made a few good ones myself!
- Thomas: [impersonating Jar Jar Binks] Mee-sa love jelly puns!
- Logan: Was that Spongeboob Squaretrousers?
- Thomas: No, that was my...
- Thomas: [pulling out two jars of Crofter's in his hands] Jar Jar Binks impression!
- Virgil: [suddenly appears. He sighs and pulls out a Concord Grape jar of Crofter's] I heard through the Concord Grapevine that you guys were making puns.
- Roman, Thomas: [happily cheering, while Logan looks at him in silence] Virgil!
- Virgil: Yeah, Patton paid me a dollar to say that.
- Logan: [scared] Wait, Patton knows about...
- Patton: [rises up, laughing, then pulling out a Berry jar of Crofter's] All those puns, Logan? Berry clever of you! I love it!
- Logan: [scared] No...!
- Thomas: Patton caught you with your hand in the jelly jar!... instead of cookie jar?
- Logan: Well... my efforts to be taken seriously are now fruitless.
- Roman, Thomas, Virgil, Patton: [all at the same time, yelling happily] Good one!
- Logan: No! I didn't mean...!
- Roman: Patton catching Logan punning was just the Morello cherry on top!
- [this time a photograph of the Morello jar of Crofter's appears instead of Roman pulling it out]
- Roman: [to the camera, breaking the fourth wall] We couldn't find that one in the stores.
- Logan: [sighs, mortified, and pulls another jar of Crofter's, then while eating from it] Crofter's! You're the only one who understands me.