Adam Driver credited as playing...
Officer Ronnie Peterson
- Chief Cliff Robertson: How did you know everything in advance?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Do you really want to know?
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Yes! I want to know. I really want to know!
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Okay. I know because I've read the script.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: You - read the script. The whole script? All of it?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah. Jim gave me the whole script.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: He only gave me our scenes. I never saw a complete script. After all - I've done for that guy. And it's a lot that you don't even know about. What a dick.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: What do you think did this?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: I'm thinking zombies.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: What?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: You know, the undead. Ghouls.
- Officer Mindy Morrison: Guys, shouldn't we be telling each other that it's all gonna be okay? That this will all go away, like a bad dream? Ronnie?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Gee, Mindy, I'm not sure I can say that.
- Officer Mindy Morrison: Cliff? Please?
- Chief Cliff Robertson: It's all gonna be okay, Mindy. Maybe it'll all just go away, like a bad dream.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: I doubt it.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Is our plan to inform people about the zombie danger before it gets dark?
- Chief Cliff Robertson: I guess so.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Because we passed Farmer Miller's place a little while ago, do we need to inform him?
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Fuck Farmer Miller.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Oh ok.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: This is definitely going to end badly.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Shut up, Ronnie.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: No, you shut up.
- Officer Mindy Morrison: She's strange.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: She's Scottish.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: She's Scottish?
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Those are some pretty good cuts. You played some minor league ball didn't you?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, a little class a, it was a long time ago.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: That girl's part Mexican.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Hmm? Really? How can you tell?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: I have an affinity for Mexicans. They're, like, my favorite people. I love Mexico. I've been down there twice.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Okay, Ronnie, then you should be the one to inform them that if they're gonna spend the night in Centerville, to not go out and to keep their hotel room door locked.
- Officer Mindy Morrison: Wow. The diner sure does the world's best coffee, doesn't it?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, but how can you drink it to so late? Won't it keep you up?
- Officer Mindy Morrison: No, I sleep like a baby. Except maybe when I know there's a corpse waiting for me at work.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Wow, that sounds so familiar. What is that song, Ronnie?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: It's "The Dead Don't Die." By Sturgill Simpson.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Sturgill Simpson? Why does it sound so familiar?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Well, 'cause it's the theme song.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: The theme song?
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Something weird's going on.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: Yeah. Weird.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, this isn't gonna end well, Cliff.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: This daylight thing is bothering me. It's strange.
- Officer Mindy Morrison: Well, what can I say? The world is kind of strange lately.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah, it sure is. If you ask me, this whole thing is gonna end badly.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Why did you do that? They're not zombies. They're just dead people.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: [holding a decapitated head] Well, yeah, for now, they're still just dead hipsters, but they haven't turned yet. It can take a while.
- Chief Cliff Robertson: He's right, Mindy. Now they're just - dead hipsters from Cleveland.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Cliff, is the coroner from Latrobe gonna pick her up tomorrow? It's getting a little creepy being here alone with Mallory decomposing in there.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: That would be a little unusual, wouldn't it, Cliff?
- Zelda Winston: Well, this is a highly unusual situation we're in, is it not, Chief Clifford Robertson?
- Danny Perkins: They just checked in. Hipsters from the big city.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Yeah?
- Danny Perkins: Yep. My educated guess would be Pittsburgh. They got that urban style, you know.
- Officer Ronnie Peterson: Oh, well, those plates are from Ohio, so my educated guess would be Cleveland.