- Narrator: One ordinary day in May, three magical Goddesses of Fate found themselves on the doorstep of a loveable college student named Keiichi Morisato. They had joy and laughter and many adventures together, and everyone was happy. Soon after their college days had ended, the Goddesses sold out and became an Anime Pop Culture Phenomenon, that was shortly killed off two seasons later by the Evangelion movies. Then Belldandy somehow managed to fuck her husband Keiichi into an early grave and the Goddesses moved back to Heaven. Afterwards, Planet Earth was destroyed in a Nuclear Holocaust because of Skuld's childhood wish. But Fate still shined down upon the Goddesses. After relocating to another planet, Little Skuld tried to run away with everyone's favorite public access time lord, Doctor What, and almost ended up a victim in a 1980s slasher movie called Slaughter High. And now that the sex problem between Belldandy and Keiichi had been solved, Urd's life as a matchmaker fell into tedium and boredom. After many years of trial and failure in engineering, the little future goddess Skuld began to fall into another existential midlife crisis, looking for a way out. But this is not the whole story. This is merely the starting point of our adventure.
- Keiichi Morisato: Wow... I've never seen someone so depressed on her birthday.
- Belldandy: What's the matter, Skuld? You usually love Benihanas.
- Skuld: Yeah, but the wait is boring. They should really invest in a Donkey Kong arcade machine.
- Benihanas Chef: I hear it's somebody's birthday today? And how old are you, little girl?
- Skuld: Now now, it's not nice to ask a girl her age.
- Benihanas Chef: I can already guess your age.
- Skuld: You think so, huh? If you lit up all the candles for my birthday, this entire building would burn to the ground in smouldering flames.
- Urd: Smoldering Flames! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Skuld: You might as well light all of the tables on fire to save time.
- Benihanas Chef: That is a wonderful idea!
- Skuld: What's the use of living anymore? It's just the same old shit over and over again. Another year down, and another year of getting talked down to like a child.
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: Skuld finds an abandoned skateboard and rides it through the streets, right down the center lane in-between oncoming traffic. Skuld is in an upset state of mind. A figure jumps out of nowhere and grabs her before she gets hit by a car.
- Skuld: Let me go! Let me go!
- Doctor What: What the hell are you doing? Are you insane! You could've killed yourself!
- Skuld: Oh yeah! What's left to live for?
- Doctor What: There's plenty left to live for! You just have to think outside the box and find something new to do with your life!
- Skuld: Believe me, when you've lived as long as I have there's nothing new under the sun! You should've let me finish myself off!
- Doctor What: You DID finish yourself off! And you took an innocent driver down with you! Why do you think I'm here?
- Doctor What: What did you want to do with your life?
- Skuld: I wanted to be an engineer... I am an engineer.
- Doctor What: Did it make you happy?
- Skuld: Of course it made me happy, it's just that there's no real general use for it here. Everyone says it's just a hobby.
- Doctor What: After this long? Surely after so many years of trial and failure, you must be good at it by now. Those who fail their way up the mountain will reach the top long before those too afraid to try.
- Skuld: I am good at it. But up till now, it hasn't been applicable on earth. I can't even patent the things I've made here because it goes against all the rules of being a Goddess to put Future Technology on Earth for monetary gain. Hell, I could've won the lottery a hundred times over by now if I put my mind to it.
- Doctor What: But you're not on earth anymore. And the future is already here. Planet Belldandy is supposed to be a fresh start for everyone... even you. Who do you emulate? Who are your heroes? Who do you look up to? No, more than that, who do you RELATE to?
- Skuld: Is this person real or fictional?
- Doctor What: Sometimes fictional can be more real than life.
- Skuld: Thomas Jerome Newton.
- Doctor What: The alien... in The Man Who Fell to Earth?
- Skuld: He's the classic tragic hero. A man who sets out to save his planet, almost touches the sun, and gets fucked by life in general. He's not like the humans he surrounds himself with, he feels outcast, alone. And after so long they catch on that he never ages.
- Doctor What: Maybe he's more like the humans than you think. That's kind of the point of the movie. We're all damaged goods. And life fucks everyone in the ass. There's no escaping it. There's only surviving it.
- Skuld: Yeah, but if he couldn't win...
- Doctor What: No, no, you're getting hung up on negativity again. Imagine an alternate universe where he succeeded. How did he start off?
- Skuld: He was an inventor.
- Doctor What: Like you.
- Skuld: Well, we assume he was an inventor, he may have just borroed someone else's designs and passed them off as his own on a planet where nobody could tell the difference.
- Doctor What: Yeah, but you're more original than that.
- Skuld: He had original basic patents, more than the average person. He made his own company.
- Doctor What: No, he didn't just take out a loan and make his own business. Anybody can do that and fail. He started from nothing, he was literally homeless on the streets at the beginning of the movie, and he bamboozled the pawn shop circuit to raise money, and what was the first thing he did afterwards?
- Skuld: The Patent Lawyer. It allowed him to approach major companies to do the work for him. But I can't get my work...
- Doctor What: Yes you can. You're not on Planet Earth anymore. Yggdrasil cut everyone off after the Nuclear Holocaust. Which means, on Planet Belldandy...
- Skuld: Everyone can go fuck themselves. My old horrible bosses can literally go fuck themselves.
- Doctor What: So what company were you planning on starting?
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: Skuld jumps out of her chair and gives Doctor What a big hug.
- Skuld: [in tears] Thank you.
- Skuld: Okay, how does Fate and Serendipity work? Well, it's kind of like a Final Destination movie, but without the Rube Goldberg killings. In theory, all the pieces of your life are there right in front of your face, like little clues in a jigsaw puzzle. Everything is there, waiting to be soaked in like a sponge, and eventually applied in your life when it needs it the most. So where did my life go so wrong tonight? What meant the most to me? All I wanted was to be fed and entertained and distracted from the shitty monotony of life. And there it is, people will always need good food and entertainment. I mean, Fate can be a relentless bitch, and you never know when your number is up. But if you're going to kick the bucket, would you not rather go out after a good shag and a hot meal? Start with a name. What would appeal to everyone? No, fuck everyone else, what appeals to me? I like silly Mexican restaurant titles, but not particularly Mexican food... Casa De La Skuld! Ooh! I love that title! That's a good start! I was dragged to that Benihanas tonight for a reason. It's a nice show, but how can it be improved upon? The wait time sucked, we could use a little arcade entertainment while we wait. A Benihanas with an arcade? No, that's too much like Chuck E Cheese. Well, how can Chuck E Cheese be improved upon? All they serve is second rate pizza, and an old broken down Rock-A-Fire Explosion Band. So... replacce the food and the onstage entertainment. A Benihanas restaurant with a Chuck E Cheese arcade and onstage entertainment. That's a start. No, but that's for kids. I've had enough of that kiddie shit. So let's make the entertainment for adults. Oh god, just saying that makes it sound like a burlesque cabaret revue. Say... that's not a bad idea... We're gonna have...
- Belldandy: -Pole Dancing? Skuld, are you feeling okay?
- Keiichi Morisato: You want to open a Chuck E Cheese, Benihanas Strip Club? Is that even legal?
- Skuld: I'll get Urd to front for me. I'll be like the Great Gatsby, secretly puppet mastering the entertainment behind the scenes.
- Keiichi Morisato: But you hate sexuality! You've attacked me for years, claiming I was a pervert for even hinting at anything even remotely sexual!
- Skuld: You are a pervert. I remember where your secret stash used to be hidden.
- Belldandy: Skuld, I threw away all of his pornography.
- Skuld: That you know about. He doesn't need it anymore. He gets it for free on the internet.
- Belldandy: [angry] HE GETS IT FOR FREE AT HOME!
- Skuld: But not enough to his liking. He's like a dog in heat. He can't be satiated until he humps your leg on a daily basis. Then one day, you're at a family reunion and all hell breaks loose.
- Belldandy: That's enough! I've got him wrapped around my little finger, right where I want him! He's my bitch, and I'll use him as I see fit!
- Skuld: Look, all I'm saying is it's not a Strip Club! Pole Dancing is an expressionistic art form! Just watch the dancers on Ukraine's Got Talent, that's on public television.
- Keiichi Morisato: Not anymore. Nuclear Armageddon cancelled it. We don't even have the capital to open a place like that. Where were you planning on getting the money?
- Skuld: I'm working on it already. I've already hit up all the pawn shops to raise money for a patent lawyer.
- Keiichi Morisato: A Patent Lawyer? What the fuck did you pawn?
- Skuld: I made duplicated copies of your wedding ring while you were sleeping a few nights ago.
- Belldandy: Skuld. Where did you get the idea to do this?
- Skuld: Doctor What gave me a push in the right direction.
- Keiichi Morisato: Doctor What? You mean that disgruntled sesame street time lord that got fired off of public access?
- Skuld: You leave my friend alone. Doctor What doesn't fight the Daleks... he fights life's problems, and believe me, that's enough.
- Urd: I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's someone from Child Protective Services here about Skuld.
- Child Welfare Woman: We've received multiple complaints that your daughter Skuld has been going around trying to raise the money to open up, what appears to be, a strip club with chuck e cheese arcades and benihana tables. I've got to say, I've seen some pretty fucked up shit in my days, but this one tops them all. What the hell is wrong with your people?
- Urd: Hey! Don't you dare step on my sister's dreams! Dreams are what turn people into self made individuals! I don't care how stupid and insignificant her dreams may seem to you, they are HER dreams, and if I have my way, she's going to follow them to the ends of the earth!
- Megumi Morisato: Hey, I'd love to see a Benihanas Arcade Strip Club...
- Keiichi Morisato: Megumi? Where the hell did you come from? How long have you been standing there?
- Megumi Morisato: Long enough to hear this whole fucked up conversation.
- Skuld: Megumi, it's Pole Dancing, not Stripping! Pole Dancing is an expressionistic art form! And that's just the start! We're also going to have an all you can eat ice cream buffet, skateboard ramps, 80s and 90s music video sing along nights combined with dance dance revolution standoffs, in-house pyrotechnics, and DJ battles. Glorious DJ battles! And the winner gets to stage dive into a huge wedding cake at the end of very night! Can you beat that? A fucking wedding cake!
- Megumi Morisato: In-house pyrotechnics and DJ battles?
- Skuld: I'm calling it... The Duellists Competition!
- Urd: Skuld... are you sure about this?
- Skuld: Of course! I'm the Goddess of the Future! I have seen the future of entertainment and that future is... Casa De La Skuld!
- Buck Henry: Excuse me? I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for the Morisato Residence.
- Urd: Who the hell are you?
- Buck Henry: I'm Buck Henry. I'm a patent lawyer. We curiously received a visit today from a little girl named Skuld attempting to file a claim for some patents.
- Urd: My sister's hobby is engineering. What's so strange about that?
- Buck Henry: She has over 300 original patents. It shouldn't be physically possible for a girl her age.
- Urd: THREE HUNDRED ORIGINAL PATENTS?
- Buck Henry: Who really made these?
- Urd: Skuld did! That's all she's ever done, working on her inventions, day in and day out! What, is something wrong with them?
- Buck Henry: No, if what you say is true, her work is amazing.
- Urd: Are they really that good?
- Buck Henry: Ma'am. If these inventions are on the level, she's going to make Donald Trump look like an afterthought. We'll be able to buy out the entire Planet Belldandy. THE ENTIRE PLANET! If you've got a sled named Rosebud, you might as well kiss it goodbye. We just need to verify that she's the one who made them.
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: Buck Henry takes Skuld to a corporate office to have a bunch of professional engineers test her technical knowledge to validate whether she was capable of making the machines in the patents. She goes into an office while Buck Henry and the Goddesses wait outside.
- Buck Henry: Is something wrong? Is she on the level?
- Eddie Rotten: Sir, this little girl is smarter than all of us combined. I would say that none of us are even remotely qualified to operate on her level. Her general knowledge of technology could change the world.
- Buck Henry: Of course!
- Kikuko Inoue: But there's something deeply disturbing about all this. This kid should be working in the field of medicine. She should be working to put her skills to use for the benefit of society. But her only obsession, her only heart's desire, her every waking thought, her entire being for even participating in this in the first place, is on opening a Chuck E Cheese restaurant with Pole Dancing, Ice Creem Buffets, and Benihana tables.
- Buck Henry: [cough cough] I'm sorry, did you just say Strippers?
- Eddie Rotten: No! Not stripping! Pole dancing! Pole dancing is an expressionistic art form, man. Get your head together.
- Buck Henry: Well, I don't see anything particularly wrong with a little tasteful roaring twenties burlesque, but still, pole dancing? In a family restaurant?
- Kikuko Inoue: She was thinking of putting in a skateboard ramp. Wrap your head around that.
- Eddie Rotten: Yeah, man, check this out. You got the kids at the Chuck E Cheese arcade on one side of the restaurant, onstage you got pole dancing and DJ battles for the adults, you got your saki bar on one side right next to the Baskin Robbins buffet, and a dance dance revolution dance floor with 80s music videos and in-house pyrotechnics and fireworks. And right in the middle of it all, you got your Japanese chefs cooking up a fiery storm on the Benihana tables. It's a three ring circus waiting to explode with confetti canons, and DJs stage diving into a gigantic wedding cake. And to top it all off, the name sounds like a dirty mexican restaurant.
- Kikuko Inoue: I must admit, it does sound like the future of entertainment. Also your kid genius has seen one too many Avengers movies. She thinks she's a Norse Mythology Goddess. She isn't playing or pretending. She and her sisters have adapted this fantasy into their daily lifestyles.
- Buck Henry: Well, Genius and Insanity often go hand in hand
- Eddie Rotten: There's something else we've found that's disturbing. We've tested her ability at guessing random numbers, and she tested 100% every single time. She doesn't even need us to get the capital, all she has to do is play the lottery, but she outright refuses. She says it goes against everything she was taught as a Goddess.
- Buck Henry: How did you test her?
- Eddie Rotten: We literally showed her random videos of lottery drawings and she guessed correctly on every one.
- Kikuko Inoue: My advice in this situation, is to just give her what she wants. Let her have the silly restaurant. IT'll be the most profitable trade off in human history.
- Buck Henry: But what do I tell the people who run this company?
- Eddie Rotten: DON'T TELL THEM ANYTHING! Let her be the mystery stockholder. All contact goes through you and her older sister.
- Titles: CASA DE LA SKULD OPENING NIGHT
- Skuld: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have seen the future of entertainment, and that future is CASA DE LA SKULD! I welcome you all to my magical land of enchantment! LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: Casa De La Skuld opens. Everyone is surprised that all of the arcade games are completely new. Skuld built and designed all of them and they're fucking incredible. There's also a Ganchan designed Whack-a-Mole. The Japanese Chefs cook up a fiery storm as the anarchic party acts reign. It's total fucking pandemonium.
- Poledancing Goddess Twin #1: You know, when they told us we could be in Season Three if we starred in those OADs... They failed to mention we would be working as Pole Dancers in a Chuck E Cheese Benihanas ripoff.
- Poledancing Goddess Twin #2: Only Kevin from the Other Dimension would come up with a stupid plot like this.
- Poledancing Goddess Twin #1: Wait... is that Jesus Christ Superstar? Yup... this is our future in the entertainment business, all right. Suddenly I regret eating Skuld's Ice Cream.
- Poledancing Goddess Twin #2: ...and to think... we could've been stars...
- Keiichi Morisato: Um... Skuld, don't you think this might be seen as a little tasteless and offensive?
- Skuld: Are you crazy? Can't you feel the beat? Jesus Christ Superstar is the perfect Pole Dancing music!
- Otaki: Yeah, but she's like wearing clothes, I thought this was supposed to be a strip club?
- Goddesses: [in unison] A STRIP CLUB?
- Urd: Otaki! Why the hell would three Goddesses from Heaven open a Nude Strip Club? There's a children's ball pit over there for christ's sake!
- Belldandy: Pole Dancing is an Expressionistic Art Form!
- Skuld: Yeah, we totally opened this place just so you guys could get off ogling the dancers. Get Real!
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: There's an explosive in-house fireworks display in the background, right next to the skateboard ramp display.
- Tamiya: Hey, at least we get free beer.
- Skuld: Limit Two per Visit.
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: One of the BeniHana tables lights up in huge flames. Everybody applauds.
- Belldandy: Please excuse me for a moment... I'll be back...
- Keiichi Morisato: Sweetie... I don't blame you... Belldandy? What - the - Holy - Hell... I never knew she was that flexible.
- Megumi Morisato: Hey, Sayoko. You're always trying to outdo Belldandy. Let's see you do a striptease.
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh no, she can have that title. It's all hers.
- Skuld: Yeah, suck on that, Rock-a-Fire Explosion!
- Belldandy: Okay, I'm back... I've always wanted to do that.
- Keiichi Morisato: Uh, Belldandy? When did you find the time to practice that routine?
- Belldandy: That's my little secret.
- Little Miss Grin: Excuse me... Miss Belldandy?
- Belldandy: Yes, little one?
- Little Miss Grin: Why are you so different from Belldandy in the Anime show?
- Keiichi Morisato: Because Belldandy is a normal person in real life, and the one in the tv show had her personality stripped down to what they thought was the perfect naively innocent angelic woman.
- Belldandy: I've got to admit, I kind of draw a blank when I see Anime Belldandy. See, take my sister Urd, for example. She's a bi-racial half goddess/half demon who often used to be discriminated against because of her demon half. But it's her dark side, juxtaposed against the light that makes her so beautifully human. That's something. All life is a Yin and Yang of Good and Evil internally fighting with itself, and it exists in all of us. And take Skuld for example. All the beauty and sweetness of a Goddess, but with a nasty temper. That's flawed. That's something. But Belldandy in the Anime Show, she's too innocent. Outside of her Jealousy Storms, she doesn't really have a dark side. How can someone so perfectly good exist without the juxtaposing flaws and imperfection of evil? How can such a Goddess exist without that inner conflict?
- Little Miss Grin: She seemed pretty normal in the manga.
- Belldandy: And therein lies the difference. The 90s OVA, The Manga, and the Anime Show are three completely different takes on what they think the perfect goddess is. Well, I've never claimed to be perfect. And I'll let you in on a little Oh My Goddess secret.
- Little Miss Grin: What's that?
- Belldandy: As a First Class Goddess, I'm not allowed to lie, but cursing like a fucking sailor is totally within the rules. Also, another little piece of wisdom. The next time your mother asks you what Jesus would do, remind her that flipping tables and chasing people around the room with a bullwhip is within the realm of possibilities. See... he wasn't perfect either.
- Doctor What: Hey Skuld.
- Skuld: Doctor What? You came back!
- Doctor What: Well, I wouldn't leave you hanging. This is a really trippy hangout... how are your business plans coming along?
- Skuld: This is my business!
- Doctor What: Say what?
- Skuld: Casa De La Skuld is the Future of Entertainment!
- Doctor What: THIS is the business you started up?
- Skuld: Yeah... you mean you don't like it?
- Doctor What: But... this is madness. When most people go to a restaurant, they like to pick a restaurant that adheres to a specific theme. Casa De La Skuld is all over the place.
- Skuld: Hey! Don't you impose on my creative freedom!
- Doctor What: Skuld, creating a business is like creating a work of art. Art is not about the freedom to do whatever the hell you want. Art is about restriction.
- Skuld: But, I do have a theme. It's a Chuck E Cheese, Benihanas, Pole Dancing Club.
- Doctor What: Did you just say Pole Dancing? What is Pole Dancing doing in a family restaurant? This place is out of control!
- Skuld: But Doctor What... I worked very hard on this... I can't believe you don't like it...
- Doctor What: Oh, Skuld... I'm sorry... I know what it's like to pour your heart into something only to have your friends turn their backs on it and ignore it. There isn't a business owner alive who hasn't been where you are right now. Look, I've got to go... good luck with your restaurant.
- Skuld: Okay... goodbye Doctor What.
- Titles: TWO YEARS LATER...
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: The Board Meetings needs to see their primary stockholder, Skuld, unaware that she's still just a child.
- Buck Henry: Well, you see it's like this. Skuld is only 14 years old.
- Chairwoman: She's a trust fund inheritance kid? Who's her legal guardian?
- Buck Henry: Her older sister, Urd.
- Chairwoman: Then who came up with all these patents?
- Buck Henry: Oh, it was Skuld who made those patents. We verified it.
- Chairwoman: By herself? Who helped her?
- Buck Henry: No, it was all her.
- Chairwoman: This is a joke, right? It has to be. You expect the board to believe that a 12 year old kid came up with over 300 original patents, by herself, that none of the top companies on Planet Belldandy could make, and that she owns the entire company? Some people waste their whole lives just trying to come up with ONE good patent and very few of them succeed.
- Buck Henry: There's more...
- Chairwoman: More?
- Buck Henry: She believes that she's over 3,000 years old and that her older cousin, who is almost identical to her, is the Grim Reaper... who tried to replace her after she tried to rescue her brother in law from the afterlife, who died, mid-orgasm after his wife nearly, excuse my vulgarity, after his wife fucked him into an early grave.
- Chairwoman: Her brother-in-law... the japanese douchebag with the oh so punchable face that's standing in the lobby?
- Buck Henry: Yes, that's him.
- Chairwoman: Who's his wife?
- Buck Henry: Belldandy Morisato.
- Belldandy: Oh Hello, Everybody! I baked cookies today!
- Chairwoman: That strange girl over there has never fucked anybody in her life, much less into an early grave. This 14 year old kid, just waltzes into your office over two years ago, with over 300 original patents, and a story like that, that you kept it a secret from us, and now our entire empire is built upon it? What inspired you all to do this?
- Buck Henry: She says she watched a 1970s David Bowie movie called 'The Man Who Fell to Earth' over fifty times. And then she went out and raised the money for my legal fees, by pawning fabricated duplicates of her brother-in-law's wedding ring.
- Chairwoman: But what was her motivation for doing all of THIS? What inspired a 14 year old to go to such lengths?
- Buck Henry: She did it to raise the money to fund and franchise her own family owned restaurant... Casa De La Skuld... get this, it's combination of Chuck E Cheese, Benihanas, and Pole Dancing.
- Chairwoman: Wait... did you just say she turned a family restaurant into a Benihanas Strip Club?
- Buck Henry: No, not Stripping... Pole Dancing... Pole Dancing is an Expressionistic Art Form.
- Chairwoman: Is there anything else you want to tell me?
- Buck Henry: Yes... on top of all that, she thinks she's the norse goddess of the future, and she and her sisters dress up like that 24/7 with some sort of strange tattoos on their faces.
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: I believe I've heard quite enough!
- Buck Henry: Mr Chairman?
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: That kid is a GODDAMN GENIUS!
- Buck Henry: I know. Her research alone has developed several cures for some pretty heavy diseases, including cancer and possibly late stage development AIDS.
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: No, I'm not talking about that! FUCK THE CURE FOR CANCER! I'm talking about the strip club! Casa De La Skuld! That is the most genius idea I've ever heard! It's the goddamn future of entertainment! Christfuck! I'm getting over excited just thinking about it! It's giving me FUCKING GOOSEPIMPLES! I didn't even know we even had a division like that! It must've gotten lost somewhere in the sea of all this creative genius!
- Chairwoman: Well, three hundred moneymaking entertprises is a lot to keep track of, Mr Chairman.
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: But now we've found it! AND WE'VE GOT IT IN OUR GRASP! AND I WANT IT! I WANT IT ALL!
- Buck Henry: Casa De La Skuld is our top shareholder's personal pet project. She's not going to give it up for anybody.
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: I don't want to take it from her. I want to inspire her. I want to give her the tools that she needs to succeed. I want Casa De La Skuld to be all that it can be. I want a Casa De La Skuld in every goddamn fucking city and country that Planet Belldandy has to offer. Bring that darling child in here! I want to meet her! Everybody get on your fucking knees! You owe your jobs to this little girl!
- Skuld: Oh, hello everybody! Say... have you guys ever watched a movie called The Hudsucker Proxy?
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: Well, I'm not planning on jumping out of any windows anytime soon.
- Skuld: You know... for kids...
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: Is that supposed to be a hula hoop?
- Skuld: No, those are my plans for the brand new all female gladiator pit we're going to be installing at all of our brand new Casa De La Skuld locations.
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: Don't ever change little Goddess. Stay just the way you are, forever.
- Skuld: Silly Chairman. I can't change, I'm immortal.
- Chairwoman: Skuld... Mr Henry here says you were inspired to do all of this because of a movie you watched called 'The Man Who Fell to Earth'? Is that correct?
- Skuld: Absolutely. You just can't beat David Bowie.
- Chairwoman: Are you an interdimensional alien? Did you build this company just so you could save your home planet?
- Skuld: Oh fuck no. I built this company so I could bring Casa De La Skuld out of my head and into the world.
- Chairwoman: How did you come up with the idea for Casa De La Skuld in the first place?
- Skuld: It was easy, I just took what I liked about myself, and combined it with what appeals to men. And apparently what men like is Pole Dancing.
- Chairwoman: Oh, you are a true inspiration to corporate women everywhere. Okay, Gentlemen... come and get her!
- Agent Smith: Well hello, Skuld. We've been waiting a long time to meet you.
- Skuld: What, wait, what's going on?
- Chairwoman: We sold you and your weirdo friends out to the government, just like in your little movie. Oh, and thanks for the Goddess act. We can now declare you legally insane and take control of the company.
- Skuld: Put me down! Help! Belldandy!
- Agent Smith: I'm from the Planet Belldandy division of the Non-Goverment of the Me People. And I've come to discuss your rights as an Individual Me.
- Kevin from the Other Dimension: We see a montage of the Goddesses taken to an undisclosed location and experimented on not unlike the David Bowie movie 'The Man Who Fell to Earth'.
- Agent Smith: So, you two are married... and you've been engaging in sexual relations for how long?
- Keiichi Morisato: Well no, we abstained for a horrifically abnormal amount of time, and then there was this whole incident with the judgment gate, but we passed right?
- Belldandy: Yes, that has to count for something.
- Agent Smith: So your husband has been tainted?
- Belldandy: [horrified] Tainted? What are you implying?
- Keiichi Morisato: This is exactly what I was afraid was going to happen to you three from day one.
- Agent Smith: It's to my understanding that your sexual contact with her, killed you, and you had to be resusitated. Is that correct?
- Keiichi Morisato: Only the first time. I have an immunity now.
- Belldandy: We didn't resusitate him, we just went home and brought him back. If that hadn't happened to him, he would've outgrown me in to old age. He's better off now than he was before.
- Agent Smith: But your standing as a Spirit is amature. You haven't been put through school or achieved a license to do the things you're capable of.
- Keiichi Morisato: Well, there's a solution to that problem. I simply don't do those tricks. It's not like I was able to do them before.
- Agent Smith: Are you aware that your wife is a shapeshifter? Have you ever seen her when she's not in human form?
- Belldandy: Keiichi... no...
- Keiichi Morisato: I've seen them when they shrink themselves like Ant Man. That's a form of shapeshifting.
- Agent Smith: Do you know why you've never seen her in anything other than human form? Because she doesn't have another form. None of them do. They're all programs of Yggdrasil.
- Belldandy: I tried to explain that to him on the first day I met him. When I said I was an antenna to the system.
- Keiichi Morisato: I don't care what they are. They're human enough. They're kinder than any humans that I know. I mean, look at them, they're just as emotionally fucked up as we are. Look at Urd. She goes out and gets shitfaced all the time. It that's artificial intelligence, I'll take that over Skynet.
- Agent Smith: Keiichi, what you died, your old self died permanently. That was not the afterlife. You were copied into the system and replaced by a replica of yourself, complete with all of your memories. You're not even aware that you're not human anymore.
- Belldandy: Everybody dies. Nobody escapes their Fate.
- Agent Smith: You are correct. We all died when Planet Earth was destroyed. Your race killed us. And then Yggdrasil assimilated us. How do you think they were able to pull five sustainable life giving planets out of their ass overnight? They're not real. We're all in the system.
- Belldandy: Keiichi, it's not true! It can't be true!
- Agent Smith: Keiichi, our real souls are out there in the real afterlife, and we're all programs trapped in here.
- Keiichi Morisato: I don't believe you.
- Agent Smith: Somebody up there has been playing God, and it's not 'The Almighty'. It's someone else who wrote the program, someone else who controls him. Some heathen fuck with a sick sense of humor.
- Keiichi Morisato: Then who the hell is controlling all of this?
- Marller Program: I am, you sorry sons of bitches!
- Belldandy: MARA MARLLER?
- Marller Program: Who else did you think was writing these fucking stories? Did you really think Oh My Goddess just turned Offensive and R Rated overnight? Oh, by the way, how did you like my writing pseudonym, Kevin Neece? He's another sick and twisted fictional concoction of my brain. I know it's hard to believe it, Keiichi, but we finally made up a spineless loser more pathetic than you are. Someone with no inhibitions as to his language, appropriateness in public, or thoughts on religion and he believes everything the movies tell him. He represents exactly what's wrong with today's mindset. And the best part of all, he doesn't believe in God. The Troma Generation at its finest. And we've saved a special place in hell just for him, right by the fire. So close, he'll almsot have to stop drop and roll just to put himself out.
- Keiichi Morisato: Fuck you Mara Marller! Go back to your Convenience Store! We liked you better when you were incompetent!
- Marller Program: Oh yeah, that was real funny, setting me up as dangerous, and then leaving me homeless in an abandoned arcade and forced to work retail like the rest of those high school dropouts. I'm surprised you didn't have me working at a gas station, or passing out handjobs for McDonalds. And then you made me Hild's coffee and bagel bitch for the rest of the series. You didn't even have the decency to adapt my greatest episode, the serial where I turn Sayoko into the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. That would've been a great movie. Way better than the Amnesisa epsiode you guys released into theaters in 2000.
- Belldandy: Marller! I know you're out there! But this isn't real!
- Marller Program: No, you're not. You're testing out our new virtual reality implants at Casa De La Skulds. We tested them on you while you were sleeping on your work break.
- Belldandy: Skuld, I swear to God, if I ever find your bluray copy of The Man Who Fell to Earth, I'm gonna cut it into little pieces and light it on fire!
- Urd: Oh man, your office has a real sense of humor.
- Belldandy: Can I help you?
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: Belldandy, it's me.
- Belldandy: Oh Mr Chairman, what are you doing here?
- Jimmy Stewart Mr Chairman: No, Belldandy, I'm not Mr Chairman. I've simply taken this human form to come down here.
- Keiichi Morisato: Why does his voice sound so familiar?
- Belldandy: Keiichi, it's the Almighty.
- The Almighty: We've come here on a matter of importance. We need to speak to Skuld.
- Keiichi Morisato: That is so weird finally seeing a face matched up to that voice after all these years.
- Hild-sama: It's really important that we see her.
- Belldandy: You actually came here yourself, in person? Is it really that important?
- The Almighty: We felt this was the only way to get the point across to her about just how serious this issue is.
- Keiichi Morisato: How many public appearances does this guy make?
- The Almighty: This is the first time I've set foot on another planet since the creation of the earth and if you don't let us see her, it may be the last.
- Megumi Morisato: Whoa... so this is God?
- The Almighty: What the-? How long have you been standing there?
- Megumi Morisato: Weaseling my way into other people's conversations is my magical superpower.
- The Almighty: Well cut it out... it's giving me the fucking heebie jeebies.
- Megumi Morisato: You know you're kind of cute for an older fellow.
- The Almighty: How would you like to host the next immaculate conception? I thought so.
- Keiichi Morisato: So much for Jesus 2.0.
- Hild-sama: Oh, Megumi... We could always use another Anti-Christ.
- Megumi Morisato: No thanks.
- Hild-sama: But I thought you liked the Omen?
- Megumi Morisato: Totally Overrated.
- The Almighty: Remember Megumi, God is always watching... even when you masturbate.
- Megumi Morisato: Okay, this is getting really uncomfortable.
- The Almighty: Hey Megumi... do you have a tongue stud? You know what they say about girls with tongue studs, don't you?
- Megumi Morisato: Oh, hey, look at the time! I really must be going now!
- The Almighty: If you thought Santa Claus was bad, wait til you get on my naughty list.
- Hild-sama: You can run but you can't hide! We know all your dirty secrets!
- The Almighty: Oh, it's been so long, I almost forgot how much fun it was to fuck with humans minds.
- Hild-sama: Remember the time we got stoned and destroyed Job's entire family over a bet?
- The Almighty: It's hilarious how the Atheists keep bringing that one up whenever they want to diss me.
- Keiichi Morisato: Wait, are you supposed to be the same God described in the Old Testament?
- The Almighty: Who did you think I was? Odin? Do I look like I have one eye?
- Keiichi Morisato: But Old Testament God always sort of struck me as a psychopathic asshole.
- Hild-sama: Oh, he is... he really is...
- The Almighty: Hey, Keiichi, you hungry? I brought you something to snack on.
- Keiichi Morisato: What is it?
- The Almighty: It's a bag of Gummi Dicks. Suck it asshole.
- Keiichi Morisato: My God. You are a dick!
- The Almighty: Yes, but at least I've got a sense of humor.
- Belldandy: Mr Almighty, Sir. You said you were here about Skuld?
- The Almighty: We're still waiting on our last guest to arrive, and he should be here, right about now...
- Skuld: Doctor What!
- Doctor What: I'm sorry, am I late?
- The Almighty: No, you're right on time.
- Doctor What: Skuld, I am so sorry for this, but it has to be done.
- Skuld: What are you talking about? Why did the Almighty come here himself?
- Urd: What have we done this time?
- The Almighty: From your own perspectives, nothing. And that's an issue I want to talk about. Over the past two years, you have all been acting in a manner that's completely against your own nature. From your own perspectives, you think it's normal, but take a step back from our perspective and something about it seems out of place.
- Belldandy: Our behavior?
- The Almighty: You've all wondered where Skuld got the inspiration to make Case De La Skuld a reality? The change in her attitude and perspective was made almost overnight.
- Urd: It was on the night of her birthday. She went home by herself, and when she came back, a few hours later, she was completely changed. She would not shut up about this idea she had.
- Doctor What: I'm afraid that was my doing.
- Skuld: Doctor What? Please don't.
- The Almighty: Skuld was emotionally compromised that night and took a walk into oncoming traffic. Doctor What showed up and saved her in the nick of time. It was almost too good to be true, and it was. We didn't know who he was at the time, or where he came from, but when it eventually came out that he was a time traveller, we went back and checked the video log. Sure enough, there was a disruption. Skuld was murdered by a drunk driver. Doctor What made a change in the timeline in an attempt to save her life and put her back on the right track.
- Skuld: OH MY GOD! THIS IS WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME THAT NIGHT! HE KNEW!
- Belldandy: And what makes you think that any of us wouldn't have done the same thing for her?
- Hild-sama: But once the alternate timeline was created, things only got worse. In saving Skuld's life... Doctor What had triggered off what sci fi fans like to call the Butterfly Effect. Skuld not only broke the cardinal rule of exploiting her talents for monetary gain, but her patents were the biggest leak of futuristic alien technology ever put into human hands. And nobody thought anything about it in the slightest.
- Doctor What: Skuld... when I told you to go out and create a business for yourself with your patents. I thought it would be a normal, creative outlet. Not... THIS... this insanity that you call a family restaurant. Thomas Jerome Newton only had eight patents. And you gave them three hundred. I can't believe how much work you put into those, it should be impossible for a girl of your age.
- Skuld: You let my looks deceive you. You've forgotten how old I really am.
- Doctor What: You made all of those inventions... with no outlet to show them to the masses?
- Skuld: Only my close friends and family saw them.
- Doctor What: You made all of that... just for yourself? Knowing most people would never get to see them? You love engineering really that much? Well, if that ain't the Emperor of the North, then I don't know what is...
- The Almighty: Look at the changes that you all have gone through. Skuld, who has been completely against perversion in every way, got you all to open a restaurant that combines Chuck E Cheese Benihanas with Erotic Dancing. You inspired Belldandy to become a Pole Dancer, when for years, you couldn't stand the thought of any man touching her... And Urd went out and became a lesbian.
- Urd: How dare you. Who the fuck do you think you are? That was not a change in the timeline. That was MY choice! My relationship with that girl was real! IS REAL! This isn't the Middle Ages anymore! This is 2016! Grow the fuck up already and give us our rights!
- Belldandy: Congratulations Sis. You finally made it to the other side of the Rainbow.
- Urd: I live on both sides of the Rainbow.
- The Almighty: I'm not upset by your lifestyle choices. But the compounding changes in the alternate timeline may cause the Yggdrasil System to overload and reset itself. And if it does that, Skuld's original fate will once again be sealed. In order to stop the changes and save her life, she has to give up everything that she created for that company.
- Skuld: But... that's my entire life's work.
- Hild-sama: Skuld, we don't want your money. We want you to give all of your shares to the workers and give up the restaurant. It's time to pass the torch to someone else. We're trying to help you.
- The Almighty: I know it's not our religion, but there's a saying that still rings true today. For it is easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. You can't take it with you. Nobody does.
- Doctor What: You wanted to change the world, and you still can, if you give the company back to the workers, it will be the most selfless thing any shareholder has ever done for their employees.
- The Almighty: Skuld, we called in a few favors and brought you a special visitor.
- Skuld: Oh my god... is it really you?
- David Bowie: Skuld, I am deeply touched that my movie could connect with you... and make such an influence on your life. In my entire I never believed there was anyone out there that could truly relate to that character in the same way that you have, and I imagine more than a few people feel they've come close. But they're not immortal. Thomas Jerome Newton was trying to save his home, and where he failed, you can still success. You can give that movie a happy ending. You just have to let it go.
- Skuld: Are those Final Words of Wisdom from The Man Who Sold the World?
- David Bowie: You remind me of the babe.
- Skuld: Your last album was the best one. It's amazing that you finished it when you were in such bad health and so near the end of your life.
- David Bowie: Not even the Year 2016 could stop me from completing it. And that fucking year killed everyone. I mean, shit, it killed George Michaels on Christmas Day. That's the guy from Wham! that sings Last Christmas. How twisted and ironic is that?
- Skuld: Goodbye David... You were the Best.