Mara Buddhist Demon of Nightmares: Mara Marller
Marller Gets a Spinoff: The Private Sector
Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic
Mara Buddhist Demon of Nightmares credited as playing...
Mara Marller
- Hild: Marller... we need to talk.
- Mara Marller: Talk? What's wrong?
- Hild: It's time for your annual performance review. Over the past few years, you've managed to wipe out Planet Earth into a Nuclear Holocaust. And you started the Individual Me movement, for however long that stupid fad lasted. But now it seems that you've fallen into a lack of initiative.
- Mara Marller: Well, what about the sex trafficking ring?
- Hild: That never happened, Marller. That was one of Kevin from the Other Dimension's alternate deleted scene timelines. To tell you the honest truth, we're all kind of disgusted that he wrote that.
- Mara Marller: Well, there goes my shot at being the next King Koopa...
- Hild: Exactly, your only ambition in life is to outdo a villain on the Super Mario Bros Super Show. I'll tell you what though. I'm not going to give up on you... not just yet... in fact... I'm going to give you a promotion.
- Mara Marller: A PROMOTION?
- Hild: Yes, we're promoting you to the next level. This is the big leagues Marller. This is the one and only PRIVATE SECTOR.
- Mara Marller: The Private Sector? Really? That's the place where all evil extends from. It's the ultimate corruptor of the human soul. It's the ABSOLUTE ULTIMATE!
- Hild: Yes, Marller, pack your bags, because you're going to... FRY'S ELECTRONICS!
- Mara Marller: Wow, I've heard about this place. They were the most soulless corrupted retail establishment on Planet Earth. They're not only dedicated to fucking over their own customers, but they're made their own employees lives a living hell in the process. I can't believe they survived the Nuclear Holocaust.
- Hild: That's right, Marller. Only a true demon could understand the value of Fry's Electronics. You give us all pride, Marller. Deep, deep pride. I believe in you.
- Mara Marller: Oh, man, do I ever. Let's go over the list! They like to pretend that their merchandise is new and top of the line, but it's really been sitting on a shelf unopened for years like an expensive flashy looking Flea Market. Then they charge you extreme prices for the warranty which makes you not want to pay for it. And then, everything you buy breaks down within a year so they can give you bullshit in the return process.
- Hild: Oh, but Marller, that's just the beginning. It gets even better. They steal their employees souls and individuality by forcing them to dress up in cheap white collar suits everyday. Every morning, they force their employees to give the same fucking bullshit inspirational speech:
- Mara Marller: WHERE'S YOUR BEST BUYS?
- Hild: ALWAYS AT FRY'S!
- Mara Marller: And for a while they used to pay the cashiers a percentage of the products they check out, but all of the customers they get are sent through a single line by a valet, thus leading to secret special treatment for some of the more likeable employees!
- Hild: And then when the employees thought they had it good, they took their percentage all away... They also have door checkers that work on a commission to try and bust the cashiers for any missed items.
- Mara Marller: But it's too hard for the employees to check the carts because they're stuck behind a counter. And they threaten to fire anyone that's Anti-Fry's policies. AND... they refuse to rehire anybody under any circumstances, even if you left on good terms with two weeks notice!
- Hild: Just think of all the fucking misery that Fry's Electronics has inflicted upon humanity! It's the greatest gift the demons could ever offer! And I'm about to put you in charge of the WHOLE COMPANY...
- Mara Marller: Oh Boy! I can't wait! I can't wait! I can't wait!
- Doctor What: Hold it right there, Marller!
- Hild: Doctor What? What are you doing here?
- Mara Marller: Yeah, this is my spinoff! You're not hijacking my show, too!
- Doctor What: No, I've come here from the future for very different reasons! You cannot take this job, Marller! If you take it, you'll succeed beyond your wildest nightmares and humanity will be a much worse place for it!
- Hild: Oh Hush, Doctor... every company needs a Evil CEO. What other demon would you draft for the job... Tim League?
- Doctor What: That's exactly what I'm talking about. Even corporate villains like Ray Kroc had to start somewhere, and that's why I'm here! I'm stopping this at the source before the Alternate Reality I just came from becomes set in stone!
- Hild: But what are you going to do about it, Doctor?
- Doctor What: Take a Wild - Fucking - Guess...
- Mara Marller: The Demons CD from Season One! BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! IT WAS LOST IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!
- Doctor What: I'm sorry! But it's just come down to the line! The Future CEO of Fry's Electronics must be stopped!
- Mara Marller: But you can't seal me away! My life was finally just starting to take off for the better!
- Doctor What: Yeah, that's what they all say...
- Mara Marller: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Otaki: Maybe we could try playing it on the record player.
- Tamiya: That is the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard.
- Otaki: Okay, now we have to do it. We must do it. I implore you to do it.
- Mara Marller: What the-! What am I doing back here again? OH, NO! I'VE SEEN THIS HOUSE OF HORRORS BEFORE! DOCTOR WHAT TOOK ME BACK TO AH MY GODDESS SEASON ONE! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU TWO FUCK FACES LOOKING AT? HEY, CUT IT OUT!
- Tamiya: Hey, you! There's no women allowed in this dorm!
- Otaki: Yeah, get the hell out of here!
- Mara Marller: Oh, I'll get the hell out of here all right. But before I go, I owe both of you gentlemen a wish.
- Otaki: Really?... Well then... I wish for a Demoness like you to be by my side forever!
- Mara Marller: WAIT, WHAT? THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WISHED FOR THE LAST TIME!
- Otaki: Yeah, but we haven't been fucked in years.
- Tamiya: And you must admit, the no women rule of our dorm does make this a sort of homosexual testosterone atmosphere.
- Mara Marller: No! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I don't want to be stuck with you creeps till you die of old age! Why did you wish for that? I don't want to have a threesome with the Auto Club! I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING AUTO CLUB!
- Tamiya: Oh, whoa, we don't swing that way.
- Otaki: Yeah, it would be more of a timeshare day swapping sort of open relationship. I'll fuck you on the Odd Days, and Tamiya will fuck you on the Even Days.
- Tamiya: And we'll both fuck you on Sundays... BECAUSE THAT'S THE LORD'S DAY...
- Mara Marller: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS! What is with you humans and your stupid obsession with FUCKING us? Can't you just get off on your own! Do you really need a Goddess to satisfy your desires? There are literally hundreds of women on this planet stupid enough to get into bed with you! YOU DON'T NEED A DEMONESS TO GET LAID!
- Tamiya: Yeah, but it's the perfect no bullshit open relationship. We get fucked, and you get to live in our CD collection with no rent to pay.
- Otaki: Well, not in money anyways.
- Mara Marller: Wait, I remember how this goes! This plot is exactly like The Girl Meets World Sequel episode! I just need to find Doctor What AND I CAN GO BACK HOME TO PLANET BELLDANDY!
- Otaki: Who is Doctor What?
- Mara Marller: He's everybody's favorite Public Access Time Lord!
- Tamiya: That's not a very high goal to aim for in life.
- Mara Marller: Yeah, well, sometimes you gotta lower the bar.
- Otaki: WHOA! CONSIDER THE BAR LOWERED!
- Mara Marller: Well, if it ain't on BBC, it ain't worth watching, is it?
- Tamiya: So how are you going to find this Doctor What?
- Mara Marller: Well, according to the stupid rules of this tv series, I'll just have to start thinking interdimensionally. I've got it! It doesn't matter who Doctor What is in THIS universe... because in Kevin from the Other Dimension's own mind, the voice that he hears in his head when he writes that character could only be one person!
- Otaki: And that is?
- Mara Marller: Doctor What is voice acted by a gay porn star named SAM RITTER!
- Otaki: How are we supposed to find Sam Ritter?
- Mara Marller: That's the genius part! Kevin from the Other Dimension is such a shitty writer, that it should only take a one line description to get to him.
- Tamiya: That is the most fucking meta thing I've ever heard.
- Mara Marller: You're goddamn fucking right, it is. TO THE ADULT MEGAPLEXXX!
- Sayoko Mishima: Marller, what the fuck are you doing here?
- Mara Marller: Sayoko, this is an emergency! I have to find the Gay Porn section immediately!
- Sayoko Mishima: What the- I never knew you were into Lesbian Porn?
- Mara Marller: No... not Lesbian Porn! GAY PORN! TWO GUYS FUCKING! I'm looking for a movie called Hunk Hotel, so I can track down Sam Ritter and find Doctor What!
- Sayoko Mishima: Look Marller, we've all heard the Gay Porn Urban Legend about Stephen Geoffreys... BUT FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, HE'S NOT SAM RITTER! THAT WAS STEPHEN'S TWIN BROTHER THAT STARRED IN ALL OF THOSE MOVIES!
- Doctor What: Marller, you fucking idiot, I knew I would find you here. Only you are stupid enough to fall for the Sam Ritter Gay Porn Urban Legend.
- Otaki: Then why did Stephen Geoffreys stop making movies at the same time that Sam Ritter appeared in the industry?
- Doctor What: Because he dropped out of movies and went into LIVE THEATER! Have you guys paid any attention to the kind of film roles he was getting? This guy's worst enemies are the B-Movies he gets cast in. He managed to land a role in a Roland Emmerich movie. You hear that, Roland Emmerich. The guy that made Independence Day and Stargate. But was it THAT kind of movie? No, it wasn't! It was Moon 44, made by an upcoming filmmaker Roland Emmerich that directed Ghost Chase! And it was the same fucking character formula that he's always played. "I'm a Geek, I was bullied and picked upon, and now I'm in tears. You can feel sorry for me now." At that period in his life, live theater had to be much more interesting than that!
- Otaki: But did his career ever recover?
- Doctor What: Sort of. He still makes movies in 2017. They're not the big major production roles that he used to get, but at least he's making movies again, and he still gets to work the horror convention circuit.
- Mara Marller: It just hit me... is Sayoko your travelling companion now?
- Sayoko Mishima: Let's just say I'm the current Empress of the North Pole.
- Mara Marller: Good luck passing the Judgment Gate.
- Sayoko Mishima: Oh goody! I loved Being John Malkovich AND MOTORCYCLE RACING!
- Doctor What: I find it very difficult to believe based on the tests that Keiichi went through, that none of the Gods could find a way to pass that test. With the exception that Belldandy's father tried to hack the gate and interfere with the Judgment, it seems like giving the right answer was a simple yes or no question, based after the experiences that they suffered.
- Mara Marller: Doctor, please take me home! Don't make me a sex slave to these two assholes for an eternity! I'm begging you! I don't want to live here! I want to live in a world that's constantly changing! Constantly evolving! A world that's not afraid to test limits and offend people! BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! DON'T FORCE ME TO RE-LIVE ALL OF MY FAILURES IN AH MY GODDESS SEASON ONE!
- Doctor What: Oh, all right already. Stop begging. It's beneath you. FOR THIS ONE SEASON, WE'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU YOUR DIGNITY BACK!
- Otaki: Can we go with you?
- Doctor What: No, you have to stay here. The Oh My Goddess universe would be a lesser place without you.
- Mara Marller: But I still get to be CEO of Fry's Electronics, right?
- Doctor What: Don't tempt me...