Mara Buddhist Demon of Nightmares: Mara Marller
The Dragon Eye Serial: When All Hope Seems Lost
Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic
Mara Buddhist Demon of Nightmares credited as playing...
Mara Marller
- Doctor What: Keiichi the Spineless, it's time for you to get up... your services are needed.
- Keiichi the Spineless: What, you want me to eat your girlfriend's pussy for her?
- Doctor What: What... no... NO! I DIDN'T COME HERE TO PAY YOU TO EAT SAYOKO'S PUSSY!
- Keiichi the Spineless: I'm sorry, I'm sorry... You said my services were needed, and that's all I've been good for lately... servicing women.
- Sayoko Mishima: I don't know, it sounds like a pretty good offer.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Wait a minute... How is she still here? The Goblin Feast is over. She's supposed to be...
- Mara Marller: The Goblin Feast was NOT FINISHED! We only have until the stroke of midnight before this village is wiped out of existence, and all of us with it.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Oh my God... What have you done... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
- Doctor What: Look... whatever happens to these people, no matter how this ends, it is important that you come with us.
- Mara Marller: We need a guide to the Walock's Castle. The only way the curse will be lifted is if you challenge The Dragon Eye.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Nobody challenges The Dragon Eye. He can kill us all off any time he feels like it.
- Sayoko Mishima: But you know the way to his castle, don't you?
- Keiichi the Spineless: It is not a castle that lives within the boundaries of this reality. You cannot go there on foot. It was built within the universe of the teleportation animation backgrounds. The Dragon Eye is trapped there, just as we are trapped in here. If you idiots go there, you'll kill us all and let him out in the process.
- Doctor What: There is no running from The Dragon Eye. You're trained with a sword. You have to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Oh, fuck it... can you give me a second to change?
- Mara Marller: Change into what? Make it Quick!
- Keiichi the Spineless: Be right back... Yes, it's true... I'm a Sexy Bitch... What? Did I do something wrong?
- Mara Marller: That's weird, I feel like I've seen his outfit before.
- Sayoko Mishima: Me, too. I just can't put my finger on it.
- Doctor What: Who fucking cares where he got it from? What the fuck are we waiting for? Let's go kill Chris Sarandon!
- The Dragon Eye: I'm already here.
- Doctor What: I'm sorry, I don't believe we've been formally acquainted yet.
- Mara Marller: Yeah, but I think we can all guess who this motherfucker is.
- The Dragon Eye: Of course you know who I am... And I know who YOU are.
- Doctor What: And just who the fuck am I?
- The Dragon Eye: Why... you're everybody's favorite Public Access Time Lord! Granted, I've never seen a television before... but given all the time travellers I've tortured in the past, I hear there's a lot to admire in it. The way your average viewers simply allow themselves to be brainwashed by all of the colorful images.
- Doctor What: Oh yeah, wait till you see a Pokemon episode that puts you in the hospital from an epileptic seizure.
- The Dragon Eye: Doctor What, I have a confession to make. You and Mara Marller did not end up here by accident. No, no, no, this was fate... as we should put it... this was a touch of destiny. As you can see here, I've had my hands on the Tardis technology for awhile, but never one that fully worked. I almost had one in my grasp when The First Doctor What came to visit, but the Bastard narrowly escaped my grasp... But what I have managed to get ahold of has been just enough for my uses. It helped me bring you here, into my dimension.
- Mara Marller: How did you know he would drag me into this?
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, but Marller... The Dragon Eye sees all. I've been using the time warp technology to place that little curse on that little village you just came from. The one that held Keiichi Morisato's great, great ancestor a prisoner. I just knew the mechanisms of fate would have to bring you here once he became my prisoner.
- Mara Marller: And about Welsper? What did Welsper ever do to you?
- The Dragon Eye: Welsper? Welsper isn't my prisoner... He's my little partner in crime... He convinced your sorry pitiful asses to come up here looking for me, didn't he?
- Mara Marller: Why that sneaky little fucker!
- Chronos: Something's wrong. We're seeing a bunch of anomalies popping up on the monitor.
- Peorth: What is it this time?
- Chronos: They appear to be portals to a bunch of alternate universes that we've never seen before. They're popping up by the hundreds... I've never seen such a thing like this happen before...
- Peorth: Alternate Universes? I wonder where they lead to.
- Mara Marller: Doctor What! Shut the Goddamn Fucking Puzzlebox Already!
- Doctor What: I'M TRYING! IT'S NOT CLOSING!
- The Guyver: Whoa... what's going on with the weather tonight...
- Alucard: There's a helluva storm brewing.
- Najica: Man... God must be angry at somebody tonight...
- Peorth: A Hundred Alternate Universes... That We've Never Explored Before... I don't know what the Hell has just been Unleashed. But it can't be good...
- The Dragon Eye: Why thank you, Doctor What! But your services are no longer required...
- Doctor What: WHAT THE HELL DID WE JUST DO?
- The Dragon Eye: I think I'll turn You and the Japanese Bitch to stone... you'll both make rather nice furniture in my new home...
- Sayoko Mishima: Wait... Can't we talk about this?
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, Marller... you've been secretly waiting to escape Doctor What this whole time. Well, now's your chance. Join me, and we will overthrow Hild and create a new reign of chaos and destruction, the likes of which have never been seen.
- Mara Marller: Sorry asshole, but you've got a date with destruction. All I want to know, is... Why? Why all this?
- The Dragon Eye: I'll tell you why... because every villain in the history of the Ah My Goddess universe has failed. But where they made their mistakes, I see learning opportunities. You see, they had no imagination, when they wanted to attack the Goddesses, they attacked them head on. But then I witnessed the Ah My Goddess universe turn Meta and become Self Aware, and a new Deity presented itself. The Goddesses repeatedly bitched and moaned about a higher power than the Almighty that writes everything they say and do. A writer, calling himself Kevin from the Other Dimension, and then it hit me. If Kevin Neece was the God of the Bad Goddess universe, then Kosuke from the Other Dimension was the God of the Oh My Goddess Manga, and Hiroaki from the Other Dimension was the God of the Original Anime Series. But who controls all of these Gods from the Other Dimensions, I wonder? Seeing The Gremlin attempt to end the Bad Goddess universe in the Keys of Marinus Serial by murderering Kevin Neece gave me an epiphany. The Gremlin had the right idea all along, he just wasn't thinking BIG enough. It's not enough to murder Kevin from the Other Dimension. In order to take down the Ah My Goddess universe... I have to destroy Kodansha Entertainment, and all of it's animation staff members, in the most deliciously evil and IRONIC way possible.
- Mara Marller: But that doesn't make sense. How can anybody take down an entire corporation?
- The Dragon Eye: Welsper said it himself in A Letter from Kodansha. A Story from the Heart can fight a Hundred Battles. A Message from the Soul can win a Thousand Wars. And the Passion of a Nobody can Topple an Empire. When I saw Kosuke from the Other Dimension scandalized in the recent news. I came to the conclusion that NOW was the perfect time to strike and cut down Kodansha straight through the heart. Kodansha recently sent it's lawyers to sue all of the internet pirates that were sharing it's material online. But what if I were to set in motion a quest to IRONICALLY force Kodansha into an Illegal Bootleg Crossover Series with Other Anime Shows that it didn't own the rights to? Just think of the Delicious Hypocrisy. Why, if the Blatant Acts of Copyright Infringement got just high enough, the impending lawsuits against Kodansha would bankrupt the company, and scandalize them out of existence. And finally, the Ah My Goddess universe as we know it would be DESTROYED!
- Mara Marller: I DON'T WANT TO DESTROY AH MY GODDESS! I HAVE TO LIVE ON THAT FUCKING SHOW! IT MAY BE AN OVERLY SENTIMENTAL PIECE OF SHIT, BUT LATELY, KEVIN FROM THE OTHER DIMENSION'S ATTEMPTS TO MAKE IT BORDERLINE X-RATED HAVE MADE IT WORTH LIVING AGAIN!
- The Dragon Eye: Have it your way, then.
- Keiichi the Spineless: STOP RIGHT THERE! You don't have to Challenge The Dragon Eye alone. Let's send this FUCKING CREEP back to Niflheim while we still have the chance.
- Mara Marller: Keiichi the Spineless? Is that your wish?
- Keiichi the Spineless: You're Goddamn Fucking Right It Is.
- Mara Marller: FUCK YES! I've always wanted to see Keiichi Morisato's perverted twin ancestor tag team battle a Medieval Warlock! LET'S DO THIS!
- Titles: CHALLENGE OF THE DRAGON EYE
- Keiichi the Spineless: Oh My God! What the FUCK are those things!
- Mara Marller: Holy Hell, he's brought out the Graboids! Somebody call Kevin Bacon immediately!
- The Dragon Eye: Oh Marller, there's no need for us to fight... why do you insist on denying the evil in your true heart?
- Mara Marller: God Fucking Dammit Dragon Eye! THAT'S INCONCEIVABLE!
- The Dragon Eye: I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU!
- Keiichi the Spineless: Hello! My Name is Inigo Montoya! You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die! Hello! My Name is Inigo Montoya! You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die! Hello! My Name is Inigo Montoya! You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die!
- The Dragon Eye: Stop saying that, I mean it!
- Mara Marller: Does anybody have a Peanut?
- The Dragon Eye: Are we actually going to fight... or are you just going to sit there and FUCKING taunt me with lines from The Princess Bride all day? As if I don't get that enough in my FUCKING private life! Day in and Day out, nobody will SHUT THE FUCK UP!
- Keiichi the Spineless: Uh, Marller, I don't like the looks of this place.
- Mara Marller: Oh, stop being such a pussy Keiichi the Spineless. It's not like Giant Spiders are Real... THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CALL THAT THING? Oh Fuck, NEVER MIND... LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
- The Dragon Eye: Yeeeeeees... Yes... Come into my Web of Terror. We've been waiting for you... Mwa-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!
- Mara Marller: Yo Skellington, perhaps if you weren't so busy Jacking Off all the time, then maybe you would've seen this coming.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Yeah, Quit Jacking Off, Skellington!
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, you poor baby, what's wrong? Did I steal your Holiday, or something? I steal a lot of Holidays. They're mine for the taking. ALL MINE. Mwa-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!
- Mara Marller: Keiichi the Spineless, don't listen to him. He's just a petty necrophiliac that likes to fuck rag dolls.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Now where have I seen this place before?
- Mara Marller: I don't know... do you think The Dragon Eye jumped us into Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits?
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, Marller, if you don't know what this movie is, then I have completely lost all respect for you as a Sword and Sorcery Film Fanatic. Need Another Hint? SHAZAM!
- Mara Marller: Oh... it's Ladyhawke... I totally forgot about THAT movie.
- The Dragon Eye: Fuck my life... I pray for contenders and what do the Fates send me... Filthy Rank Amateurs...
- Keiichi the Spineless: Hey! Who are you calling a rank amateur? I happen to be the very best at what I do!
- Mara Marller: Keiichi the Spineless, I don't think The Dragon Eye was really talking about Eating Pussy...
- Keiichi the Spineless: Neither was I... SUCK ON THIS YOU FUCKING SATANIC ASSCLOWN!
- Martial Artist: Hey, this fucking shit looks like fun! You guys got any more room left for more people in this fight?
- The Dragon Eye: What the-? Those Who Hunt Elves? HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
- Martial Artist: Wherever there is injustice, you will find us!
- Actress: Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there!
- Mistress Celcia: Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...
- The Dragon Eye: NO, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! I MEAN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET YOUR TANK INTO THIS CASTLE!
- Martial Artist: You're not thinking interdimensionally, Dragon Eye! Kevin from the Other Dimension doesn't give a flying fuck about Logic OR Continuity! His Amazingly Shitty Writing Skills Never Cease to Disappoint!
- Richard O'Brien: You know what would make this fight even better? If they all dressed up in black teddies, panties, and garter belts.
- Rocky Horror Chorus: It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right! You put your hands on your hips! You put your knees in tight! But it's the pelvis thrust, that really drives you insane! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
- Mara Marller: Oh My God! There are more Cameos in this fight scene than a FUCKING Spy Kids movies! Kevin from the Other Dimension has gone FULL ROBERT RODRIGUEZ!
- The Dragon Eye: So... The Makers of Bad Goddess like to do Ralph Bakshi crossover episodes, do they? Well try this one on for size,
- Mara Marller: Oh My Goddess! How the FUCK did we end up in Cool World?
- The Dragon Eye: It's like a fine wine that gets better with time!
- Mara Marller: What are you going to toss in next? Bebe's Kids?
- The Dragon Eye: WE DON'T DIE! WE MULTIPLY!
- Mara Marller: YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE, DRAGON EYE! YOU'RE COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE!
- Imaginos1892: Perhaps I could be of assistance...
- Mara Marller: Imaginos1892? I never expected you to show up in Cool World!
- Imaginos1892: NOBODY EXPECTS THE INQUISITION!
- The Dragon Eye: This has all been a lot of fun, Marller, but now it's time for you to die...
- Mara Marller: Geez, can't a Demoness get in one last Cameo Request?
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, all right. What did you have in mind?
- Mara Marller: Ladies and Gentlemen! IT'S THE ROCKETTES!
- The Dragon Eye: Your attempts to prevent me from escaping this world were amusing, but ultimately futile. I've got full control over the Tardis... and the Thirteen Demons have been unleashed. It is time for this world to meet it's end.
- Mara Marller: Mr Dragon Eye, that's all well and good and all. But if you're planning on stealing the Tardis, I think there's something you should know. Something very important.
- The Dragon Eye: And what might that be?
- Mara Marller: You can kill us if you want... but whatever you do... DO NOT open up that bottle sitting in the corner over there.
- The Dragon Eye: Why would I open a bottle of water?
- Keiichi the Spineless: She's trying to warn you. That bottle is cursed. You will suffer terrible luck and misfortune if you open it.
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, please, you're just stalling for time... what does it matter if I kill you now or later.
- Mara Marller: Oh, yes, sir... kill us if you've got a pair... Shoot us, electrocute us, strangle us and feed us to the graboids. That would only be merciful to the great punishment that would await us. But whatever you do... DO NOT OPEN up that bottle sitting in the corner.
- The Dragon Eye: You really want me to open the bottle, don't you?
- Senbei: SHAKIM!
- The Dragon Eye: How odd? It's a little guy...
- Senbei: Arrrrrrgggh! Lady Marller, you Evil Fucking Cunt! Did you HAVE to leave me sealed away in that bottle for twenty fucking years? I've got a crick in my neck that'll never go away!
- Mara Marller: Senbei... I would like to introduce you to your new master, The Dragon Eye. And as your former master, I would ask that you treat The Dragon Eye with all the upmost respect that you would've treated me.
- Senbei: Of course, as the God of Poverty and Misfortune, I only live to please.
- The Dragon Eye: Poverty and Misfortune?
- Mara Marller: He's all yours Dragon Eye... oh, and Senbei, one more thing before we get wiped out of existence... You see THAT machine sitting in the corner over there? That's Skuld's Space Doubler, it holds the Tardis together and keeps the inside bigger than the outside. So whatever you do... don't let Senbei anywhere fucking near that thing.
- Senbei: Space Doubler, eh?
- The Dragon Eye: Oh, no... you wouldn't...
- Keiichi the Spineless: Oh, yes he would... let's grab Doctor What and Sayoko and get the FUCK out of here!
- Senbei: Monsieur Dragon Eye... Kiss My Fucking Ass!
- The Dragon Eye: No, no, no... my plans... my delicious plans... You think this is over... It's only beginning... YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME! NOT BY A LONG SHOT! THE THIRTEEN DEMONS WILL AVENGE ME!
- Keiichi the Spineless: Marller, it's Midnight... The Time Warp is about to wipe us all out... How are we going to escape?
- Martial Artist: Well, we DID have a Time Machine... but some fucking genius decided to destroy it.
- Mara Marller: Are you fucking kidding me? It was destroy the Tardis, or let The Dragon Eye destroy the Universe with it! Doctor What would've done the same thing!
- Keiichi the Spineless: She's right... if we don't sacrifice ourselves, the world will die with us...
- Martial Artist: Wait... there's another Tardis right there!
- Mara Marller: Well, I'll be fucking damned... Everybody get on the Tardis now! Somebody help get Sayoko and Doctor What... they're too heavy for us to life by ourselves!
- Elijah: I'll help get the Doctor...
- Mara Marller: I don't believe it... the little fuck came back...
- Elijah: Of course I came back you fucking idiots! You just wiped our universe out of existence!
- Richard O'Brien: Well, old friend, I believe it's time we said goodbye to this cursed place.
- Warwick Davis: And good fucking riddens, too.
- Keiichi the Spineless: You get the others, I'll stay here...
- Mara Marller: KEIICHI THE SPINELESS! YOU HAVE TO COME WITH US! IF YOU STAY HERE, KEIICHI MORISATO AND BELLDANDY WILL DIE WITH YOU!
- Keiichi the Spineless: How the hell is Belldandy going to die with me?
- Mara Marller: Oh, no... WE LEFT WELSPER AT THE WINDMILL!
- Welsper The Demon Child: Well, Mr Nilbog... it looks like this is the end...
- Mara Marller: Welsper! It's time to go! This place is about to be destroyed!
- Welsper The Demon Child: But we can't leave Mr Nilbog!
- Mara Marller: I thought you didn't care about Mr Nilbog!
- Welsper The Demon Child: I don't care... but we may need a snack on our Journey back to Reality and Civilization.
- Mara Marller: There's no time... just leave the little buttfucker here!
- Welsper The Demon Child: Goodbye Mr Nilbog... we'll always remember you.
- Mara Marller: Wait a minute... this isn't Doctor What's Old Tardis... What is this?
- John Hurt: No, it's mine.
- Mara Marller: John Hurt... but... you died recently... it can't be you...
- John Hurt: Oh course... it's one of the benefits of being a part of the cinematic universe... when our bodies die on earth in the other dimension... the time capsule nature of cinema keeps us alive for future generations...
- Keiichi the Spineless: But how did you know where to find us? How did you know about our problem at all?
- John Hurt: It's the strangest thing... but Fate led me here...
- Mara Marller: You think Fate guided you to rescue us...
- John Hurt: No, I mean, literally... I received a distress signal from a Goddess of Fate named Skuld, who said she received an S.O.S. from the Dark Ages by somebody calling himself Doctor What. So tell me... who is Doctor What?
- Mara Marller: He's Everybody's Favorite Public Access Time Lord.
- John Hurt: Public Access? That's not a very high goal to have in life.
- Mara Marller: Yeah, well, sometimes you have to lower the bar.
- John Hurt: If he works on Public Access, how did he get his hands on a Tardis?
- Mara Marller: Nobody knows, he just goes around impersonating Doctor Who trying to help people. He always sets out to impress everyone with his abilities, but he's clearly incompetent, and in over his head all the time. Every one of his stupid fucking adventures is the opposite of Doctor Who, AND, we think that he secretly moonlighted in the Gay Porn Industry.
- John Hurt: Whoa. That's a drastic career change.
- Mara Marller: I know. The strangest thing is, he used to always say that he doesn't fight the Daleks. Doctor What fights real life, and believe me, that's fucking worse. And yet, here we are. Maybe we were the fantasy element he never expected.
- John Hurt: I can't believe it... that's absolutely brilliant.
- Mara Marller: What are you talking about? This guy is a fucking imbecile.
- John Hurt: That's exactly my point. If you think that this man is an idiot, then you clearly don't understand the nature of what it's like to be The Doctor. I would give my very soul to be in his place and live in a world without the Daleks. The entire point of Doctor Who is that if The Doctor can be anybody, then anybody can inherit the spirit of The Doctor. To give this role to a human being at a low point of his life, when everyone has given up on him, and watch him evolve and rise to the challenge repeatedly without ego or thanks... well, don't you see... that makes him the Doctor more than any man I've ever known.
- Mara Marller: Believe me, if we're the only friends he can get to hang out with him, then he can't be all that special.
- John Hurt: But that's vanity and ego talking... everyone THINKS that they want to come with me on my adventures, because they think it will be like the BBC TV show and it will make them look cool in front of their friends. But it's not like that at all. It's not about who WANTS to run away with Doctor Who. It's about who NEEDS to run away with Doctor Who. Who needed to learn a lesson in humility?
- Mara Marller: Sayoko did. Sayoko used to be the worst person I've ever met. But then, she started hanging out with Doctor What, and it's like she became a completely different person.
- John Hurt: And what about you?
- Mara Marller: Hey, lay off of me. I'm a Demon. I'm supposed to be despicable. It's my fucking bread and butter in life.
- John Hurt: But are you happy?
- Mara Marller: Of course, I'm happy... living in my abandoned arcade all alone... working my shitty retail job... sucking up to Hild... trying to get the Goddesses to go home, and then falling flat on my face every fucking time... What's not to love?
- John Hurt: Well... I can see why you need to get away from it all.
- Mara Marller: Oh, Fuck it, I give up.
- Mara Marller: You know, for a guy that walks around with the moniker of a total coward... you really showed up at the last minute and kicked that sorry motherfucker's ass. Not that I really needed your help.
- Keiichi the Spineless: Yeah, say what you want about my dating skills. If you cross me by the sword, I will murder your fucking ass in cold blood.
- Mara Marller: Too bad your entire village go erased from existence in the process.
- Keiichi the Spineless: I'm not sorry, those stupid motherfuckers were burning innocent women at the stake as witches. And then to cover for their crimes, they sacrifices dozens more to the Goblin Feasts just to save their own cowardly asses.
- Mara Marller: You think we should ever let those two out of the spell? I don't think they'll ever believe the fight we just had.
- Keiichi the Spineless: If I were you, I would completely take advantage of the situation to totally fuck with their minds.
- Mara Marller: Oh yeah, guys, you totally missed it. It was like Super Smash Brothers, with the changing backdrops, and busting time and dimensions.
- Keiichi the Spineless: No, no, no, be more creative. Those goody two shoes sons of bitches totally deserve to be fucked with on all levels.
- Titles: One of our Family Members at ZLTV was tragically taken from us recently in a senseless failed robbery attempt outside her home. She was known to us as EBONY STRANGE... She is survived by a Four Year Old Son... Ebony Strange was also known as a major lover of films from the Horror Genre... including Fright Night. It is to her that we dedicate this film. Go with God, and Sleep Well in Heaven...