Samuel Bottomley credited as playing...
Ian
- Ian: Only problem is we don't have any weapons.
- Dean: Yeah?
- DJ Beatroot: Well how's about a sword?
- Ian: A sword!
- Dean: And, a massive fuck off gun!
- Ian: A gun!
- Duncan: And I've still got my fork. Like I said it is well sharp.
- Ian: Right that as well.
- Duncan: Well, shout it out then.
- Ian: What?
- Duncan: You shouted out all the others. Shout mine out too.
- Ian: Fork.
- Duncan: Yeah! Let's fucking do this!
- The Duke: Put that down, little boy. Don't you realize its dangerous?
- Dean: Yeah, after all the times you shot at us with it.
- The Duchess: Oh, don't be ridiculous. That's completely different. Uh, hand me my sword.
- DJ Beatroot: Oh, back off.
- The Duchess: Bad form, Mowgli.
- DJ Beatroot: Who? But you shot at us.
- Duncan: You tried to kill us for no reason.
- The Duke: No reason? You people, your generation, you're always complaining, always saying that you are the victims.
- The Duchess: Yeah, you don't even realize you are the cause of your problems, always blaming someone else.
- Ian: But you definitely did cause this problem.
- The Duke: Don't answer back. Respect your elders.
- Dean: You think we're gonna put up with this? You don't think we're even gonna fight back?
- The Duchess: You see, its exactly that new challenging attitude that needs to be culled-- and fast. You don't know how good you have it.
- The Duke: We've given you this perfect world, and all your lot can do is turn round and say that we have ruined it.
- Dean: But you have ruined it. I mean, everything's shite for us. And fucking wanker go, la-dee-dah, "Oh, look at my house I bought after I went to uni and got a fucking job. Why can't you?" Its fucking bullshit. Okay? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm... I'm gonna pack fish and live with my drunk dad till I'm old. That's it. That's all I've got going. And by then, you rich cunts will be living on Mars 'cause the planet will be so fucked anyway. But even then, not even then are you gonna get it. No, youse'll be in your gold-plated oxygen tanks still convincing yourself you did nothing wrong and everything's perfectly fair. Meanwhile, we'll be on Earth, as mutants living in bunkers, explaining to our manky fucking three-eyed kids what you tweedy business CEO fucking greedy bastards did to us!
- DJ Beatroot: Yeah, what he said.
- Ian: Yeah. Wasn't sure about the mutants part, but overall, yeah.
- Duncan: Yeah. How come you guys get to live on Mars?
- Duncan: [on the phone] Police. We're being chased by a psycho pedophile with a gun.
- Ian: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't go calling him that.
- Duncan: What?
- Ian: We don't know if he's a pedophile.
- Duncan: Everyone old an famous is a pedo.
- Ian: Well, you're sixteen, so it'd actually be fine.
- Duncan: I'd be fine?
- Ian: You just can't call him a pedophile.
- Duncan: [on the phone] Oh, hello. Sorry. Yes, that's right, we're being chased by a psycho with a gun but we're still trying to figure out... if he fancies us?
- Ian: Better.