Charlie Goose

If you are a fan of low-low-budget action flicks, with semi-famous and once-famous stars, then you might allow yourself to enjoy this movie more than it deserves. Only Joe Don Baker seems to have put any life into his performance at all. The best David Warner could come up with was having his character chew gum loudly. The action follows a crew of a "Cops"-type reality show involved in a huge nighttime shootout that leaves a dozen police officers dead, although the plots has more holes than they do. The two guys in the crew, one of whom is a pained-looking Jeffrey Combs, film the massacre unbeknownst to the killers even though the camera was about twenty feet from them with the spotlight shining merrily. The rest of the movie has Combs being pursued by the killers who just happen to be a CIA splinter group, two bumbling cops, and a charismatic inter-agency spook mediator. The ending of the movie, which I won't dare spoil, is so laughable and totally implausible that it completely invalidates the entire plot. No exaggeration.

John Ritter is an increasingly desperate real estate agent, looking to make a sale to a newlywed couple. Unfortunately, it seems every house he shows has a creepy story about the previous owners! Fine trio of horror vignettes, in the black comedy style of "Tales from the Crypt", but infinitely more subtle. Ritter is a riot as the agent-with-a-secret, but the best performance of the film is by Bryan Cranston, as a man driven to the point of madness in his battle of wits with an evil monkey that his daughter has adopted. Also look for pro wrestler Marcus Bagwell in a small role. Don't miss the ending, it's an intentional hoot!

This movie seems like one of those party games where you start with one line, and as you go around the room, each person adds another bit of the plot. Clint's a drunk trying to stay on the wagon, he's making his boss' wife, he's grieving over a young reporter he tried to put the moves on, he's neglecting his little daughter, he's involved in witty repartee with his boss' boss, he's trying to save a death row inmate on the very day of execution, on and on. The movie is difficult to watch because Clint's voice is so unbelievably raspy, you miss about 30% of his dialogue. Then there comes the matter of the convicted murdered that he is trying to save. Why is he trying to save him? Because he thinks the guy is innocent. Why does he think the guy is innocent? No reason, just his "nose". There is a powerful movie hiding here about redemption and truth and justice, but this is not it.

Terrorists take over a ski resort in search of some "plutonium stolen from the Russians" that went down in the woods. Sean Astin, looking just as he did in "The Goonies", scampers earnestly around the mountain as a member of the Ski Patrol, spending most of his actual time running away from the machine gun-wielding intruders as they blindly shoot at him. His biggest concern is not the radioactive material which could incinerate the entire mountain, but the fact that he is late to a lunch date with his fiancee and her father, played by Stacy Keach. Chrome dome Bruce Campbell is the haughty leader of the terrorists, dying from some unspecified disease. Nice scenery, and a fairly exciting chase scene on skis, snowboards, and snowmobile, but what's the point?

This is a wonderful movie with Frank Sinatra playing against type as a mean-spirited bully who keeps an entire town under his thumb because his older brother is an infamous gunfighter. When two strangers ride into town, Johnny Concho's life is threatened and the weary townsfolk refuse to stand up for him. He is left with no choice but to show his cowardice and leave. It is only after he has nothing and no one does he finally see the strength within himself. Fabulous performances by old blue eyes, and William Conrad.

After watching this movie, you will probably have a strong urge to shove a bar of Irish Spring in your mouth to get rid of the taste of this movie. The stench sticks to your skin like Pittsburgh air in August. Terrible acting, gratuitous nudity, and horrible brutality. Then again, what do you expect from a Charles Bronson movie? He hasn't made a good one in almost 30 years.

I remember seeing this movie way back when I was a teenage lad with my friends. We really went in for a good, gory, scary horror movie. THIS AIN'T IT! Stay away from this piece of garbage. Even after half a lifetime, I can still smell the stench off of this stinkeroo. Just thinking about the fact that I spent $2 on this terrible movie (prices sure have changed), infuriates me to this day. Trust me, if you want to see a good movie of this type, check out "Zombie" or "Dawn of the Dead". You'll thank me later.

The best character in the movie is played by Ellen DeGeneres. It's a blend of her usual smart-ass delivery and some real pathos in her conflict with the Kate Capshaw character. I don't want to reveal any key plot points, since this is the first weekend of it's release. So I'll just say it's a fun movie, bring a date.

Even with a healthy suspension of belief, this movie is so illogical it's actually be fun to watch. I defy anyone to find a piece of scenery that hasn't been chewed to pieces. One complaint: the casting is all wrong. Robert Davi should've been the criminal mastermind, Roddy Piper the cop, and Dice the cold blooded henchman. It's entirely possible that all the females in the picture (excepting Shannon Tweed) are really beauty pageant contestants, their acting is so bad.