icehole4

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Reviews

Kwik Witz
(1996)

A different comedy sketch oriented series
Originally produced in Chicago, this short-lived series basically had pairs of comedians battling each other. The audience voted as to who was the funniest. The hostess, Jillian (sorry, I can't remember her last name) was a good choice for the hostess. Many comedians that toured with stand-up acts in Chicago came on the show. You can see some now-famous people before they became famous, such as Wayne Brady. You can see comedians sing funny songs, do various sketches, and even replace the dialog on a clip with their own funny comments. One of the funniest parts was the opening, where they informed us that "the kwik witz had a chance to prepare their challenges in advance." If it is still in syndication, it's worth a look.

Hot Hero Sandwich
(1979)

Not really great.
The show was a late 1970's syndicated children's variety program. I don't remember much of it, except for one skit called the Puberty Fairy. In it, a guy wearing a fairy costume would come to pre-adolescent teens and grant their wishes of being an adult, only to have it backfire on the teens. Another sketch had a bunch of guys who would be offered a cigarette, and they'd respond in unison "No thanks, we're trying to cut down." The humor was very childish and it's no surprise that it didn't last long. Well, when Hollywood retreads this show, we'll know for sure that they've hit absolute rock bottom. I really can't remember much else, and that's probably a good thing.

Staplerfahrer Klaus - Der erste Arbeitstag
(2000)

Good thing German Healthcare is good...
Staplefaher Klaus is one of those short films that you just have to think "This is just plain wrong." However, it's just wrong in a Bad Santa sort of way. Our hero Klaus gets hired as a forklift driver and proceeds to go around a series of accidents. These range from decapitation, hands getting cut off, impalement, and limbs being severed. A lot of the action was pure hyperbole, and it was funny yet repulsive at the same time. I must say I never knew Germans had a delayed reaction in bleeding until I saw this film. I also never knew that throwing blood on a ringing school bell would cause it to fall to the ground either.

Thank You for Smoking
(2005)

Thank you for this film.
It was sometimes funny, sometimes scary, and sometimes, it made me angry. However, it was never boring. It's the story of Nick Naylor, the vice president of the Tobacco Research Institute. This is a cigarette-company funded place to reinforce the idea that "there's no direct link between smoking and health problems." In other words, it's filled with double-talk and loads of lies, but it is an insider's look at how Washington works. The M.O.D. scenes were entertaining. Nick is an expert at double talk and has very little to redeem him in the beginning. Gradually, one discovers he's not as evil as he seemed to be at first.

I recommend you see this film if you haven't. It's one of the best I've seen in a long time.

Azumanga daiô
(2002)

A breath of fresh air in a tired genre...
A lot of the "slice of real life" manga has become rather stale, but Azumanga Daioh has turned a group of adorable little girls into a great sensation. Most of these slice of life manga items try to make some dull, boring routine funny, but Azumanga Daioh succeeds where others fail. Why? Primarily because of the characters, as they are well-crafted and interact with each other in just the right way.

I feel that the funniest interactions between these girls and their teachers were with the extremely creepy Mr. Kimura. This male teacher seems to have two traits: an extreme fondness for girls, and a tendency to give away large sums of money to charity. Fortunately, Mr. Kimura never gets anywhere with the girls. Additionally funny were the "driving skills" (or should I say lack thereof) of Ms. Yukari.

Abenobashi mahô shôtengai
(2002)

Well, I liked it...
I think that a lot of people who didn't like this missed the main point of the story: It's a spoof on the various animae conventions out there. Sasshi, our generic likable kid/pervert adds a touch of reality to things. The generic likable kid is always in control of things, and always manages to come out on top with barely a scratch on him. The generic default heroine is always fawning over the generic likable kid. The relationship between Arumi and Sasshi is, at best, and "I-hate-you-and-I-love-you" affair. In episode one, Arumi tells us Sasshi has died no less than 44 times in the past hour and a half. A lot of things that take themselves way too seriously (Dragonball Z, Voltron, etc.) get set up for a healthy dose of reality. Not even the USA is safe, as they take shots at Hollywood as well (there's a spoof of Titanic near the end.)

Well, if you think the series is weird, just read the pocket manga.

The Gold Digger: Time Raft
(2001)

Not just a Tomb Raider clone *SPOILERS*
While it's easy to write off Gold Digger as another lame-o version of Tomb Raider, doing so would be very wrong. this DVD takes the comic book's early years and brings them to life. It's a good place to start for new GD fans. You get to see Gina and Britanny actually move for once, and see just how fast Britanny the were-cheetah really is. The story itself concerns Gina and Britanny going on an expedition to a dragon's lair to find a time machine. Gina's the hard-nosed, serious leader getting herself into trouble, and Britanny would rather be shopping and eating tuna sandwiches than saving her sister's life.

Vol. 2 just hit shelves recently, and there's a vol. 3 on the way. It's worth getting.

Game Over
(2004)

Good idea, poor execution
I think what really shot this series down was this: the characters were too much of a stereotype. Dad was too stereotypical of a big, brawny meathead. Mom was too much of a stereotype of little Ms. perfect on the outside, but missing something on the inside. Daughter was stereotypical angry at everything riot grrrl. Son was just... well, son was the stereotype of the kid who couldn't figure out who he was. Very cool computer graphics dominated this show, but unfortunately, they spent way too much money on computerized images, and not really enough on writing.

You also get the feeling that the writers didn't know very much about gaming and gamers to really capture what they were like. Considering that the show's creators, David Sacks and Marcy Carsay are better known for shows like 3rd Rock from the Sun and The Cosby Show, respectively, you have to wonder why they were involved with it. There were also 7 executive producers, and you know what they say about too many chiefs and not enough braves in the tribe...

The show also proves you can take a good cast and still come up with a dud. Lucy Liu, Patrick Warburton, Rachel Dratch, Artie Lange, Marisa Tomei, and Jan Hooks aren't probably going to list this at the top of their resumes.

Still, I think that the series could be retooled and reintroduced someday. It'd take a lot of work and dedication to make it workable, but I think it can be done. You really need someone who knows the world of videogames and videogamers at the top of it all.

elimiDATE
(2001)

a.k.a. how desperate are you to get a date?
While this isn't the worst dating show out there - I think EX-treme dating holds that dubious title - this one isn't much better. Four men or women compete to get a date with a member of the opposite sex. I'd only go on this show to get a free meal and then leave. The whole premise is silly and farfetched; the people on it are either incredibly desperate singles or people who shouldn't be dating in the first place. Sometimes it does get unintentionally funny.

Real dates ABSOLUTELY bear NO resemblance to this.

Daredevil
(2003)

Up and down, results are mixed.
This film had points in it where I was going "Wow! This is a great film!" and other points where I was going "God, what were they thinking when they did this scene?" The action comes fast and furious, and seems pretty well done. Some of the scenes were pretty predictable, especially if you've read the comic book (for example, the scene where Bullseye kills Elektra was taken word for word from the comic book.) Overall I'd give this a 5 out of 10. Hopefully, the sequel will have more of the good stuff in it and less of the bad stuff in it.

Daddy-O
(1958)

Daddy-O, can I borrow the Car-eo?
This film is extremely dated. It's a typical youth-gone-amok movie that populated drive-ins in the 1950's. Dick Contino, he of the big pecs and mediocre singing voice, does the best he can to save this film. however, it's not enough. Sandra Giles, who played Jana, was definitely chosen for her large chest and blonde locks, and not her acting ability. The guy with the coke-bottle thick glasses really was an offensive stereotype. The main problem is that Daddy-O's character really doesn't give you a lot to like him; the heroine Jana gives you even less to like her.

Avoid this one unless you're watching the MST3K version. "got to keep your pants up!"

Untamed Youth
(1957)

"We have Mamie Van Doren, we don't need acting or a plot!" *SPOILERS*
Sadly, this seems to be the premise of this film. They had her in a tight blouse and pants (shocking for the 1950's) and later on in a dress that showed plenty of leg. The whole plot of this film - using that term very loosely - centers around to female youths hitchhiking to make their dreams come true. The police come and arrest them, and then send them to an evil cotton farmer's farm to pick cotton for him. It's the 1950's, so there's a labor shortage. The evil farmer is abusive to everyone and manipulates the local judge into doing his bidding. The female judge's son gets suspicious and investigates - he finds out the evil farmer has been feeding the arestees dog food, for example. What really shoots it down is that 1) it's incredibly predictable, and 2) the acting is pretty bad. Is that really Eddie Cochran singing "They Ain't Gonna Make a Cotton Picker Out of me?" If so, he really had an off day that day.

Avoid this unless you're watching the MST3K version.

Shu shan zheng zhuan
(2001)

Well, I liked it... *A Spoiler or Two*
The Legend of Zu, as I saw it, was a very interesting story. I think many of the people who didn't like it were not seeing the underlying mythology behind the film. They were expecting something akin to Star Wars, and it was not that. Joseph Campbell, I believe, would have liked this film. There were a number of metaphors and hidden meanings that an average viewer might have overlooked. We all have a mountain of swords within us. We all have to go into our own cave of blood sometime in our lives. We all have to face our own insomnia someday. Granted some of the narration was a bit confusing, and some of the action got a little hokey at times, but I think other points of the film easily made up for it. I'd watch it again.

I don't know if there's a difference between The Legend of Zu (which I saw in Mandarin with English subtitles) and Zu Warriors (The dubbed USA version.) It might have been dumbed down for American audiences, which really would have detracted from this film.

Hired!
(1940)

That's something you don't hear these days... *SPOILERS*
Ah, yet another short film that's quite dated. The short itself is about a manager at a Chevrolet car dealership that's having trouble with his workers. They talk about how the manager gets involved with his employees and turns them into better salespeople. The acting's pretty bad, and the guy in one scene puts a handkerchief on his head for no apparent reason. You have to remember that this wasn't designed for public view; it was supposed to be only for chevy managers. MST skewered it rightfully, however.

Ogenkikurinikku
(1991)

A video that could break anyone's mind. *A few Spoilers*
Quamp is right here. This video SUCKS!!!! I cannot emphasize how terrible this one is. Whether it be the unrealistic nurse tatase catching Dr. Ogenki having sex with another nurse (instead of kicking him where it hurts like most women would, she ends up having sex with the other nurse,)the 'astral' sex of Yumeko and Dr. Ogenki, or any other of these short films, you just want to end up throwing up. There's no reality in this video, and it needs a healthy dose of it.

Avoid at all costs. It sucks! Also, it's rated NC-17.

Johnny at the Fair
(1947)

Very dated short film.
Ah, people in 1947 got their kicks in so many different ways than the people of today. This short film is a prime example. It shows a young boy traipsing through the Canadian national exhibit of that year. A cameo by Joe Louis is supposed to be very exciting, but isn't. In the end, you just want the thing to end and don't care what happens to Johnny. Is that really Lorne Greene narrating? It sure doesn't sound like him at all.

Avoid this unless you're watching the MST3K version.

Alien from L.A.
(1988)

The title's kind of redundant, don't you think? *SPOILERS*
In 1990 I saw Kathy Ireland in person - I was at UNT in Denton during the filming of "Necessary Roughness." Strangely enough, the voice she's using in this film isn't too far off from her real speaking voice.

Anyway, the plot goes like this: Kathy gets a letter telling her that her father's fallen into a bottomless pit in Africa. She goes and investigates the site of her father's death, only to get sucked into a subterranean world that's part dystopian nightmare, part uninspiring fantasy, and inhabited by rejects from the Plasmatics. This movie really wastes the talent of Linda Kerridge, who, in my opinion, could have been someone had she gotten that one big role that was right for her. Anyway, the main hero of the story, Gus, is a very lame Mark "Jacko" Jackson rip-off. The original is annoying enough to begin with, but this guy really is torture to watch. Eventually the nebbish Wanda comes out of her shell and ends up wearing a bikini top and a sarong at the end. If you're going to have Kathy Ireland in a film in skimpy clothing, it'd better be a bikini. Anyway, the film was just all around bad and rightfully skewered by MST3K.

Avoid this one if possible.

King Dinosaur
(1955)

I'm guessing some animals were hurt in the making of this film...
*SPOILERS* Shame on you, Bert I. Gordon and Robert Lippert! You used stock footage that was used in not one, but TWO other films! Robot Monster and Teenage Caveman had the SAME stock footage of the dinos fighting. The dinos are just lizards with bad props stuck to their bodies, and they fight each other. Anyway, the cast is boring and the film is just horrific.

Avoid this one if possible.

Crash of Moons
(1954)

Strolin' arm and arm under a gyp-gyp-gypsy moon...
There's not really that much wrong with Crash of the Moons. Basically it's a few episodes of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger merged into a film. It is extremely dated, however. Winky's treatment of Vena is a good example of this. One has to remember that it was geared to be shown to children in the 1950's. In this respect, it succeeds. If you like children's sci-fi from the 1950's, go ahead and take a look at it. You'll see John Banner in a pre-sgt. Schultz role. He does a pretty good job in it. All in all, I'd give it a 6 out of 10. Not great, but not bad.

Grosse Pointe
(2000)

Great show, shame it didn't last longer
Pretentiously angst-ridden teenager shows have always taken themselves way too seriously - and that leaves them open to a parody. Grosse Point delivered such a masterful send-up of life on and off one of these TV shows. The characters were well-crafted, and played by people who were very talented. They were based on real people in teen angst shows. Hunter Fallow, the kleptomaniac prima donna was loosely based on Shannon Daughtery; Quinton King, the sex addict was loosely based on Jason Priestly; Courtney Scott, the clueless ditzy blonde was loosely based on Courtney Thorne-Smith. Funniest of them all was Dave the stand-in, who had to take on the most stupidest of jobs for pay (such as being in the Michigan J. Frog costume for a party in one episode.)

It lasted too short a time to really get a good following. I'm sure that if WB had treated it like NBC treated Cheers (in Cheers' first season, it was the lowest rated show in its time slot) Grosse Pointe would still be around today.

The Beatniks
(1958)

Attack of the Pat Boone Clone! **SPOILERS**
This movie has one tiny little problem with it: THERE ARE NO REAL BEATNIKS IN IT!! No goatees, no jazz, no berets, and only one of them wears black. What it does have is a cheap Pat Boone clone that can't sing, but does anyway. He sings his way to the top, and the gang he hung out with tries to keep him down. After hearing him sing, I was like Simon Cowell on the American Idol promo poster.

Rightfully skewered on MST3K, this should be avoided unless you're watching that version.

Are You Ready for Marriage?
(1950)

Well, I was tired of love anyway...
Ah, yet another short instructional film that doesn't stand up to the test of time. Back in the prehistoric 1950's, divorce was a big no-no. When you married someone, you were more or less stuck with that person for life. This short is a warning against rushing headlong into a marriage that may be sweet and nice in the beginning, but later on will make the lockhorns look good. These days, however, it's marry now - divorce later.

Project Moon Base
(1953)

SPACOM! **SPOILERS**
The trouble with predicting the future is that sometimes, you get it wrong. That sure was the case for Project: Moonbase. According to the movie, in the year 1970, the first man and woman land on the moon when treachery from a third man causes the capsule they were in to make a forced landing. Donna Martell was definitely chosen for her good looks and not her acting ability. Some sexist overtones in the film don't help either. At the end of the film, when Colonel Breiteis and Major Moore marry, you're supposed to feel good about it, but I ended up not caring. Skewered on MST3K for it inaccuracies and somewhat bad acting, it's just a so-so film that didn't stand up to the test of time.

Posture Pals
(1952)

Yes, you are a nobody without good posture!
According to this short film, if you don't have good posture, you will be mocked, ridiculed, and laughed. While it was very informative for its time, it definitely didn't stand up to the test of time. Basically they talk about how good posture will get you everything you want.

Now straighten up! We've got company coming...

Time Walker
(1982)

Gag! Choke! RUN AWAY!!! **A SPOILER OR TWO**
To put it bluntly, this movie stinks. That's about the nicest thing I can say about it. They were trying to cash in on the King Tut mania of the late 1970's and early 1980's (back then a major exhibit toured the USA from the Cairo museum.) Basically a university gets a coffin that came from King Tut's tomb. On the mummy is a green fungus, that for some reason, really likes X-rays. Well, naturally, these idiots x-ray the mummy and cause the fungus to multiply. Additionally, one of the students finds a hidden drawer that contains a bunch of gems and gives them to some of the women he's in love with. The mummy, who wasn't dead but was an alien, goes around collecting these gems and accidentally killing people with the fungus. Much of the film is shot in a boiler room with a pale green filter, which makes it look like someone puked on the film.

Avoid this at all costs. Not even Joel and the bots could save it.

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